Hello dear friends!

I write y'all because I'm awake at 12:30 am! Wintergrass delightfully altered my schedule... So, wintergrass is a bluegrass festival held in Tacoma. I volunteered as an usher in exchange for a free weekend pass. Let me set the scene for ya:

Friday night.

I had been up since 5:30am and worked a full day at L'Arche. (usually on Fridays I come home and play music/stare out the window/bake/go to bed super duper early)... after work I took the bus to Tacoma (which is quite pleasant)... met up with the Tacoma Lutheran Volunteer House folks for dinner and then went to the festival for my 9pm-1am shift. The Punch Brothers were setting up (with Chris Thile, singer and mandolin player from Nickel Creek). I'm wearing some fantastically dorky red staff vest and am pretty darn sleepy. Then it happened... I heard the first live bluegrass that I've heard since I left Kentucky. It was amazing. I teared up a bit! I thought, my goodness, I feel like this music is like a siren singing me back east... callin' me back to those beautiful mountains and back more within range of my family (including those babies who I love so)... I was super dazzled by the whole experience. In the hotel lobbies there were groups of people just jamming... strangers coming together and creating such rich music. This wasn't the kind of jamming that we did at the Berea Farmer's Market or on the patio of the SENS house in the Ecovillage (nor is it what we do here at the Rainier Valley Unitarian Universalist Congregation)... but this was traditional bluegrass jamming where one person might be calling the songs but most of the instruments get a chance to do a break (an intricate, mostly improvised or personalized solo). It was amazing! There was such energy there!

Last night at the festival after my shift I hung out with Lizzie, Laura, Bill, and Trey, (folks who are all either LVs, L'Arche workers, or catholic workers)... It was an absolute blast we had our own terribly wonderful jam circle. We played "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" on banjo, guitar, and mandolin.... complete with vocal interpretation too... it was one of the funniest things I've been a part of recently! We also played a few bluegrassy tunes.

The entire weekend I felt elated! Going between workshops and shows and rubbing elbows with the bands in the hospitality room where we all got free food. My heart was so delighted, so refreshed by this festival. When I think of it, I'm surprised at how deeply bluegrass seems to be in my being... or maybe it's just music that's deeply there... or maybe it's just the presence that music usually helps me find... but regardless, I'm just so grateful for the music in my life. When I was in Australia, I went to a music festival with my friend Sven and that was my first taste of this scene... and I recall a conversation over breakfast with one of his friends from music camp. She said, as I'm sure others have said, that "it's just never too late to learn to play an instrument"... and for some reason it sunk in... and when I got back to Berea I signed up to take banjo lessons.... and how much richer my life has been because of it! Sometimes I think of Oz as a bizarre time in my life when I got to become quite out of character and learn from it later on... but shucks, if it was part of my journey to bluegrass, it needs to be held in higher esteem! Also news in my music life-my new mandolin has arrived :) The one I had before gave up when the face caved in due to manufacturing defect... but this new one is so exciting.

Almost as wonderful as the festival was the change of scenery... The LV Tacoma house has a back yard with a climb-able tree and a massive garden. I'm jealous! It feels much less like a city.

Update on the future plans: The heart tuggin' contest is between Berea, Arcata, an Outdoor Ed school in Ohio, and spending a bit of time at the Tacoma L'Arche (they have a farm, a big enough staff, and they're in the country, can you blame me?).

Also, because I think being real is the whole darn point of this blog thinga-jig, I've got to confess that I caught myself in a negative space again. I think this is how my heart feels in February... as if the winter really might stick around forever... as if spring can't come soon enough.... but I do feel that I am on the upswing. I think I've learned a lot from my LVC experience thus far (here's a brief re-cap):

-I feel like I'm unable to sum up what I'm learning from core members... it's so vast! They are amazing and beautiful. I'm really glad they let me into their lives. I do feel like I'm getting good "mama-reflexes" (eyes in the back of my head) I often find myself sensing when a core member is about to run into the street or flush a dryer sheet down the toilet.

-I will try to avoid living in a house of 7 women from here on out. This is because I'd rather feel that I had time to connect in a real way with all my housemates, than feel like I live in a dorm.

-Beth and I can pray together on the phone for some reason neither of us thought of that until recently.

-It's important for me to live in a place where I have a music community.

-I've acquired a few new favorite foods- peanut sauce and noodles, as well as homemade refried beans, and golden beets.

-Turns out I'm a kid who likes some personal space.

-I don't reckon that I'd like to live in a city forever. It's too darn easy here to feel unconnected with wild natural things... and it might just be too darn overstimulating for me too.

-Seven schedules might not ever line up!

-That on the enneagram I am a one with a strong 4 connection.

-That blackberries and I have a strong connection.

Grateful list:

-spring is on the way... I'm grateful for the concept that "this too shall pass", and all the instruction that it implies: feel fully, take comfort in suffering, and celebrate seasonality

-flowers! After this grey rainy winter my heart appreciates their beauty more than ever before

-houseplants

-thoughts of gardening

-sunshine!

-Wintergrass festival!

-music!

-clean drinking water

-the bus system

-did I mention bluegrass music?

-the Tacoma LV house

-my own bed and sleeping bag again

-realization that my perfect day (which has happened countless times) includes any number of the following: cooking with garden fresh veggies, playing music, dancing, being outside, being with people I love, and spending some time alone.

So... here it is, late into the evenin', but I wanted to just share a few pics in the meantime. Motivated by Leslie's fantastic updates of Levi and Jen and Jeff's updates about Ricky... Realizing of course, that my life is so regular these days, here are a few snip-its....

Here's a good ol' Cheasty Blvd. four leaf... which I find almost daily. It's quite the lucky spot! The garden again... until it's warm enough outside, I'll keep you posted on my houseplants :)

The bedtime scene... I'm really delighted by the little cozy nest I've made.
Sarah at Golden Garden beach!
If I had to pick just one thing to do each day it might be a cartwheel on a beech... and here's the latest tribute.

the gratful list:

-old contacts that keep connected

-plants

-so much clean water

-public transport

-my little blue bike

-my little mandolin that arrived today

-music in general

-watercolor paints

-veggies

-crocuses and snow drops

-sunshine

-the promise of spring (has winter been that long already?!)

This week's park visit was to my ol' favorite... the Arboretum. After spending an hour or so in my usual spot I went walking around... until I stumbled into the winter garden, which was much appreciated! Jasmine that I could smell before I saw it.... a winter beauty.
My very own winter garden :) Well, there's nothing specifically winter about it, but the houseplants on that side of my room look so cute these days. I always appreciate their green in the Seattle grey. Without green plants I'm not sure I'd believe that the sun was ever here, or that it would return.... but I do believe it has been and will be here, because they've captured a bit of it.
Witch Hazel at the winter garden. This plant uncurls it's little flowers when it is warm, and curls them up in the cold. I think it looked a bit like fireworks.

Grateful list:
-parks in the city
-breaks from housemates! I think I must be about to learn from folks...
-plants
-tacos
-clean water to drink
-music
-the promise of spring
-Mondays off work
-enough healthy food to fill my belly

A photo from a recent outdoor adventure... Lake Washington is a short 20 minute walk from my house and it's lovely to watch the moonrise over it. In the distance you can see Mercer Island. The day after this photo was taken I road my bike down to the dock and waited for the full yellow moon to tower the city... and it was amazing. (note-the waves can be seen through the openings of the beach house). Here's a sign at Franklin High school, which is just across the way. My housemates and I went to the MLK rally and march.... both were educational, and we all need to learn more about racism.

ps-one more thing I'm grateful for is at work I accidentally ordered the wrong gloves to we now have purple and blue gloves instead of just clear... and who wouldn't enjoy that?

Hello folks,
It seems my timing to wait about a month between each entry. Thanks as always for your patience, friendship, and just bein' in my life!
Today was a big day! Many things that I've been kicking around in my head and heart trying to process through meditation, etc. have found some kind of resolution today. Background info: At work, one of the core members hasn't gone to work in a month. This is tricky because we're understaffed and typically during the day I do things like get groceries and cook dinner (which is much easier before folks come home and often walk off with various ingredients, which sometimes later end up clogging the toilet-ie-marshmallows, bread, etc). Recently at work times have been tough by the scheduling realities of a core member housebound and thus an assistant housebound as well. It is pretty darn obvious to the staff that this core member is depressed, as she now doesn't get out of be until 2 and cries with ever increasing frequency. Take this situation and add to it a few random small first aid emergencies that involve a core member on blood thinners and a fair amount of blood, and you can see the recipe is there for a stressed out staff. Add in a comments from other core members like "bite her, she needs it!" (referring to me as I was trying to help a core member stop touch a pan that was too hot) and also "We hate you and you're not a part of L'Arche".... when I hear these things for a few hours each week it is easy for it to build up. But today, some things began to break through...
In the morning we held a small prayer group of assistants wanting to conjure up in themselves love, patience, forgiveness, and empathy for core members who are having an especially difficult time lately. (which, by the way, is what my understanding of prayer is-a sort of ethical alchemy to happen in the person praying, rather than a session of begging for desires). We spent time trying to live people's stories... one core member was institutionalized since birth and just now is meeting family who doesn't express a lot of interest in integrating him into their lives.... another core member at the age of 5 was dropped off at a convent to be cared for by the nuns, 50 years later his family came back and picked him up, only to take him to L'Arche... another core member's father and sister passed away and in moving to L'Arche she is experiencing a delayed adolescence by fumbling through power struggles and the reality that she is no longer her mother's everything (and she's expected to be an "adult"--and who's been able to accept that one easily? not me!)... another core member's mother suffered a breakdown after she had a miscarriage due to a flu she got from her son, and he carries this blame and disapproval on top of severe autism which makes the world unbearably overstimulating... and it's easy to see here that there is much reason for stress, for pain, and challenge.
L'Arche is hard because you get to see your insides on other people's outsides... and you have to be gentle, but it might take about everything you've got to accept in others what you struggle to accept in yourself (it has for me!). The core member who struggles for control to the point of running out into the street to shut truck bed flaps because he can't stand them being down begs me to be understanding of the begging my own heart does in seeking control of my life. The core member who is depressed and not going to work challenges me to accept my own time scale for healing, as well as accept the time scales of others.... and the truth at the end of the day is that the core members just make you more human (to put it in Jean Vanier terms), because you realize their struggles are yours too, and that we've all got to live together regardless.
Also in my life right now, two of my Seattle friendships are becoming more real in that they've recently been expanded to include the reflection element that I find oh-so-helpful in learning who I'm tryin' to be. I'm really grateful for this! (even though it's tough).
I usually take the bus to work and bring my bike on the bus (on the rack of course) and then ride home. I do this because at 6:30am when I leave I don't believe that I (or city drivers) am awake enough to share the road. I now go in late on Thursdays (leaving the house at 7:30 instead!) so I rode to work for the first time recently. I realized that this whole time (six months!) that I've been in Seattle I've been a wus. I've been riding home from work, like it's some accomplishment, when really it's mostly downhill. I realized the ride to work is mostly uphill! I feel like this is metaphorical of where I am in my LVC year... only now am I ready to ride uphill.... at work, at home, and in my friendships... and literally... only now am I in decent enough bikin' shape that I can make it up those hills (although, I'll be honest I do still get off and walk some of them!). I'm grateful for uphill bike rides and other uphill adventures in life. They're good for ya.
Another thing I've realized lately is that the pollyanna side of me is gradually leaving.... I think most folks who know my heart know that it has certainly been a bit rosy (and by that I mean overly so, and unrealistic at times). Living in the city has been hard as issues of race, class, and crime have been more in my face than ever before. As I learn more about these I learn that it doesn't always work out rosy... and I can't fix it... at times I get really sad about all of it, but mostly I'm grateful that I am learning.
....so that said I'm doing well. My new year's resolutions (which I've been trying out for the month of January and these three felt worthy)
....drumroll!....
1. Start a recipe/quote box, so that I start keeping both in places I can access them.
2. Visit a park or have an outdoor adventure at least once weekly. (and thus start loving the city, by recognizing what beauty it has)
3. At least once a day be a source of grateful presence, and recognize in this life that there is much to be grateful about right under my nose. (this resolution is a bit of a shortened version of my mantra from a few years back: choose love. share joy. be here. live today. start now.)

...so there they are, please help me be accountable to them!

the grateful list:
-prayer
-honest conversations with friends, heart sharing
-letters
-the people who I feel like are in my life like one of those stackable compartment dolls, they are in my layers so deeply that they are me, and I them
-packages (sending and receiving)
-music
-Brian Webb's song "Not a confession" with the lines
"and here's a woman
with a poor man
his smell
is more than I'd like to bare
but she kisses him
and she holds him
with admiration, I just go home
so why is her kindness
so surprising
when its what she was created to be"
-empathy
-clean water to drink
-the bus rides that are my cultural education
-this city
-my very own room!
-my sleepin' bag
-the sun that peeks through every few weeks
-the 14 houseplants who share my room
-the bike that keeps on workin'
-the play I'm going to tonight about community building to face sexism and racism
-my future that is unfolding as I dream up what to do next...
-this year in LVC
-the uphill bike ride