cuddly things...

Greetings folks... it has been a while. There have been some dark times... but isn't that true for everyone (literally and figuratively) as we wait for solstice? I look forward to with great anticipation of the returning of light.

I've just returned from a walk in my beloved community park. I left just after a reading/meditating break in my sugar maple. I was appreciative of the carefully named trees planted in honor of one person or another. I listened to David Wilcox as the wind cut across the fields and onto my cheeks. I was walking on the path past a willow tree whose twigs had yellowed (I had never seen that before, but I don't know willow trees well)... when I felt compelled to take a closer look at the tree. For some reason, I gravitated towards the trunk... once there I felt the familiar "cuddling" that I feel whenever I am inside of a tree's globe of branches. I realized that I crave this feeling, as it moves me... I have always had trouble feeling included in groups of people. I have trouble believing that people love me, but I feel protected and swaddled within the branches of trees. I made the connection between my affinity for all things cuddly- my mummy sleeping bag that I sleep in most of the time, a fleece blanket I have, and my (now here's a really dorky confession!) wonderful flanel footy pj's. I don't know if I like all of the others because of my unexplainable deeply rooted connection with trees and the canopy world.... or if it's all just part of the list of things that make me feel loved.

Ellen says I should do one thing everyday that is life-affirming to me. That can be a challenge, but I have already found it rewarding.

My little heart is really excited to be reunited with my west coast kids and redwoods soon :)

I know that my family loves me. My little aunt Pegasus said she feels that she knows me because she sees me with her heart. My little Missy is willing to cuddle with me in a double-zipped dumpster sleeping bag. I am fortunate.

thankful list:
-Middy, and her care for me. I hope to grow a heart as big as her's some day.
-Pegasus, not only for letting me call her that name, as if she were a flying horse, but also her deep understanding. her heart is incredebly perceptive.
-Noelle, for being there when I needed her to be (even if I had never gotten through to her phone until I needed her to be there). For being beautifully seasoned by life so much so that her empathy is rich and her heart's streams deep.
-Rosie-O, for checkin' up on me and bein' so full of love that she bubbles right over.
-Paiger and Megan B, for helping me venture into creative honesty, for helping me develop this part of myself.
-Mama, for loving me the best she can.
-Trees, for giving us life sustaining oxygen... and a reason to look up.

A beautiful day...

I'm slowly coming back to life.  Today I ran off to the woods to see the shadows crossing the paths.  I felt such a high-I saw my long shadow stretch among those of tall trees with much more widsom than I.  It was comforting so see my shadow walking-it felt like my heart was okay with my meandering in life.  I'm turning in the last few assignments and finishing up old projects.  This semester has gone by faster than any before.  I'll analyze what I learned sometime soon… but now I'm goin' for sleep.  Just wanted to pass along the news that I am coming out of that study-crazed funk. 

Much love,
megs

Thankful list:
-roller skating with crazy old friends from freshman year and some amazing new friends
-figure skating on roller skates so beautifully that everyone claps when you stop (of course, I was only half the duo, Hoke had some rad moves as well)

-laying in the grass in the sun writing letters to boys that I will never send, mending up the tiny tears of my heart (the ones I thought I had fixed)

-Ellen for always having a clear view of whatever situation I'm in
-listening to Billy Joel's "Goodnight my angel"
-Tiffany, who told me I have a knack for picking friends who are good for my heart.  This was a good reminder of how lucky I am to know my friends, and how they have all helped my heart.

-Going to bed early in footy pj's and a wonderful sleeping bag
-love.  As confusing as it may be, it's pretty amazing stuff.

I'm that person... Drats!

Just a short confession…
   Remember that arbitrarily occupied student I mentioned a few weeks ago?  Well… that's me right now.  I've been utterly consumed in the "work" of my last real week of classes and the stress that can lead to.  It's really silly… all of us are comparing how crappily overloaded our weeks have been… it's a bit of a boasting contest to see who is over-scheduled and procrastinating most extremely.  Times like this make me uncertain about what we're accomplishing with all of this grand "education".  As much as I hate to say it I'm really just trying my best to get through these coming days… I don't feel like I can take time to enjoy presence or anything lovely like that… arg. 

Thankful list:
-little lessie baby
-the breeze today that I was tempted to surrender to and be carried away, if only I were a seed!
-prayer time this morning
-run/walks
-conversations with sarah by the stream
-the bridge in the forest where I can look two ways-I can look west and the water flows towards me (which I find inspiring, symbolic of collecting joy and energy) or I can look east and see the river run from me (which feels a lot like being cleansed).  Today was a day to look east and feel as if, even momentarily, I was able to release.

-laughter (at Roots&Shoots and when I came home and had a tickling fight with housemates)
-that this week and it's nastiness will end eventually… (really soon actually)
-Dec. 1st is almost here.  Then it will officially be the season of my "Midnight Rider" sweatshirt which has santa on a Harley.