rainy February day

And alas, in case I didn't remember

Comes today

Rain and gray

Lingers me in my morning bed

 

Last week drunk on springtime

Falling over

Tears for crocuses

Sunrises

Warm breezes

Back porch speech writing joy

Bouncing from one pie, valentine's hand towel, rally to the next

So much so that for some reason today's low wasn't expected

 

 

When I don't feel like there's deep enough to grab on to and touch

my vulnerable, weathering, tumbled personhood

my small tiny place in all of this

the way the wind blows me

then comes today

 

and in a quiet voice commands me to remember

to still and step back

to be that encompassing acceptance of myself

that is steadily rooted

patiently to withstand any storm

potted in a love bigger than my own

in a place I can claim no ownership of or definitive knowledge about

working perspective

I know it has been ages, but I was in the middle of some challenging work this morning in the office when it hit me--a sense of holy in the work we are doing.  I have been working for the better part of the last year in an Environmental Law Office that sues over violations of the Clean Air Act, Clean Water Act, and Endangered Species Act.  Not sure if anyone else looks at this these days, but I wanted to catch this, at least for my own self.

planet in peril leads to unified cause
stop this heating up
for the sake of all
we do this because we know there are unheard voices all throughout the current energy paradigm
voices everywhere facing consequences of our lifestyle
of our power generation
but this generation-our generation- has been charged with holy work
to raise up those voices, shout them into the ears of oppressors
pleading for relief
and when we need more, because the mountains are going and the air we breathe dirty-ing too fast
we appeal with law books in our hands
saying "there once were visionaries who believed we all had rights to a clean environment, let us now hear their voices--
and be guided by their rules"
and it's not glamorous
it's not the sort of law that is shiny, rich, pin-striped, and pearled
but rather the law practiced by gardeners, bike riders, tie-dyers, focused and effective hippies
and sometimes lawyers with hippie tendencies
but here we all are, doing our damnest to change things the best we know how
I'm sure grateful that they let me hang out on the side-lines here in paralegal land and wet my feet
in one more stream that flows toward a brave tomorrow
cause heaven knows we have a lot of land to cover
before we, as drops of change, reach a new ocean.

has it been so long?

Hmm... it seems to have been ages since I wrote (and that's pretty accurate, as I just looked at the blog and found the most recent date to be last July.)  I write a small note that I have not fallen of the face of this place, but just no longer have prioritized access to reliable internet in my life.  Though in the moment I am missing folks from old berea memories of times past, there is still a lot to be grateful for.

the grateful list:
-good hotdogs and mac and cheese.  no joke.  we found these amazing dogs at happy meadow and every once and a while, we buy them for a treat.  Tonight they accompanied the mac
-the fantastical parade of daffodils around alumni fields.  Thanks John Perry for being a rocking forester and for having a love of a variety of daffodils.  Spring in this town is forever changed by you.
-camping out at the turners... though I'm not sure I slept much at all, it was nice to be in that familiar place in the warm again...reassuring that warmth is here and we are IN spring and heading into summer, woot!
-surprise boot delivery, just when I had decided they would not arrive until after the weekend.  Long story... I exchanged my hiking boots, only to realize the hike I was planning to go on tomorrow with Sierra Club folks (in search of spring flowers!) asks us to wear boots.
-the postal system: to all my pen-pals, I know I have been slacking, thank you for being rockstars.
-a sweet bug named Micah who is understanding and very silly when I am down (which inevitably makes me less down)
-the fact that I saw a lightning bug in the woods the other day (it was during the day, on an oak tree I had climbed, but it sure looked like the summer bug)
-the sunny day we got today, as a surprise after threats of thunderstorms and a windy, WINDY morning... that is, until we brought out the kite. 

much love
m

leftover prayer for breakfast

I do not know if you saw it

because I couldn't bring myself

to break our silent prayer

 

but last night while the navy sky

sputtered a misty haze

   flowers opened

       one--

            I do believe,

                 -- opened with a cricket

(or acquired it shortly thereafter)

and he stood on his hind legs

nose to the stamen,

   not unlike Beth and I,

    the whole duration of their blooming.

 

I'm not sure if he was stuck against his summerly will

   or if it was that very thing which held him there.

the image of him in those flowers stayed with me…

like the leftover prayer I'm having with breakfast.

****

 

Here's one little poem lately, but they've been raining out of me these days… more to come (when I remember to bring my journal to where my computer lives).

 

Grateful list:

-potlucks that turn out to be a quiet night instead, when that's what you needed in the first place

-blackberries, oh blackberries

-buckets of produce=the way to my heart

-canning, is it really canning season already?!

-lightning bugs

-flowers on my desk (thanks to my sweet co-workers)

-birthday visitors from Ohio

-gardens

-being loved

-Micah's patience

-making music with people

-reading Mary Oliver in the morning

-clean water to drink

-rain

-the pace of summer

-healing up old hurts; learning through my past

-learning to love with open hands, in an unexpected way

It's been a while... but after a vacation to the west coast and a sinus surgery, my feet are back on the ground here in B-town

And all I have to say is Huzzuh!  My word, summer has once again found its way into my heart.  If you can't feel summer (let's say maybe you too work in an air conditioned office), then I prescribe (for your off-time) a very strict diet of the following:
-weekends out at Jessa and Nathan's farm picking blueberries and napping with a sweetheart on the outdoor music stage when you're too lazy to even set up a tent or hike into the woods
-firefly watching
-dancing in downpours
-porch music playing (or better yet, play music to the flowers when they open, you just might get a few gig offerings out of the deal...)
-watching evening primrose bloom at dusk (either silently to hear the birds or with musical accompaniment)
-Night hiking and dipping when you are willing to stay up a bit late
***
I am amazed
that out of that soil
that I sweetened with tears
turned so hard I nearly collapsed into it
that place that bore the brunt of old anger
now has red blossoms
I don't care if the whole harvest only
adds up to a handful
or less
because it's not about what you harvest
the point is that there is
growth
and that is more beautiful
than bushels
that haven't been loved.
***
And too, I'm amused at the play on words.  Yes, why don't I return to this place I call home and do something called the "energy and empowerment project"... I am so grateful for this work.  It waxes and wanes and there are times my to-do list is so tall I lose perspective and feel more important than I ought.... but then the real times I'm in love (yep, I said it...) with supporting local work around energy issues.  It's just challenging enough to stay interesting and inspiring, yet not so exhausting that I can't also be present in my life outside of this office.  I'm appreciative of the deadlines that follow with a sense of accomplishment, I like tasks.  Also, I don't know if I say it enough that I am so fortunate to have kind co-workers.  These folks love their jobs and have created a community here that is one of the best working environments I've ever been a part of.  All of this to say that I have to laugh because this job is giving me energy and I'm growing much more empowered (in my personal life and my work)... which is typical of this thing people call "service", that we on the "giving" end are blessed as well.

cross posted from my facebook... yes, I'm on facebook....?!

This is from when I went to Princeton for a conference the weekend before last. I'm amused at traveling in spring time, because it feels like I go back and forth in the season. This past weekend I went to Bowling Green and went forward in time (all of their irises were out!) ... but there wasn't much time to stop and write.
****
Oh Second Spring
with this trip I travel back in time to the prime of
daffodils, forsythia, spring beauty,
unbloomed violets, third trimester tree buds
heavy with anticipation.

my hands muddied by the pursuit of
a ramp, red leaved at the base

with this stream I am soothed,
what comes to mind are words not my own
"the bioremediation of the soul"
I am calmed by the stream's pace
not much faster than mine

I am filled with gratitude for the geese overhead
and delight in the waiting game of
spotted trout lilies, and spotting a few that have sprung.

I am in love with the muck of spring's birth
and contemplate a trip sometime in the future
where I could walk slowly
at the pace of springtime
north somewhere.

As predicted I feel the pull of obligation
back to this conference,
which has brought me to this place....
but not without acknowledging that it is
this woods that brought me --here--

For pete's sake! I want to know the steps of this dance
the details of the march these woods take
through the seasons
what to find when

I want to know and honor all of these small
green things.

I have not found my life's work,
but I am certain--
this learning is my life's joy.

Here are lots of photos that have been waiting to be shared. It is official... my laptop and former cell phone have died.... Let me know if you want my new number. Here is a photo ramble:

a yard full of violets

Love me some daffodils... ain't no joke.

dusk throws some pretty pothos shadows.

have a seat!

grow babies grow! little windowsill lettuce.

"Cheap sk8." Tuesdays. Old Town. 6-8. Dinner for purhcase.

If you visit the hobbit home, I will put you to work. Just ask Nick and Greg.

These flowers will grow up to be pears!

well... we only had two pairs of gloves...

again, the shadows of dusk.

old time fun. Note-afghan made by grams j.

Best fun $2 can buy ya.

hobbit home from a distance... thank all goodness for the westward window.

more walnuts to crack. Thanks Fred for the loan of splittin' equipment.

Much to be grateful for on this beautiful spring morning!

the list:
-m&ms in the morning
-lime plaster painting with jessa
-music in the office (80s!)
-cheap sk8
-community dinners
-the conference room at work (and it's windows)
-the new blue wall in my office!
-facilities folks who have been painting CELTS, they're a real hoot (Kyle and Richard)
-garden sprouts
-going to bed early
-clean, cold water, for which I have done little to deserve access to
-rambles, of all kinds