Here she is... the perttiest sugar maple in Capital Hill... I am grateful for her!

fall

I pass by her now increasingly bare branches and I echo the grieving of the season,

and the new emptiness and challenges thereof.

I share her exhaustion... but have yet to learn

how to do so

with

    such  

        grace.

***********************************************************************************************

 

I wrote this on my way back from Shuinota house this morning... upon seeing my favorite sugar maple in Capital Hill nearly naked today.  I've been a bit low energy lately.  As some folks know the asthma snuck up on me this past week... and now the meds are tripping me out a bit.  It does make me think that it is perhaps good that I'm not in the peace corps or somewhere else.  With Tom's passing, the ol' asthma, preparation for state inspections, and that whole fella scene that changed the past few weeks have been a smidge draining... but today I'm feeling softened by that. 

 

Lately I've felt super reflective... and I'm not sure how I've changed, but my heart seems to be transitioning more fully into the LVC experience.  I think of past relationships and places I've been and they seem so far away (not that some folks don't still feel close, but I feel now the excitement of creating my current story).  Our house communication is deepening and we are learning how to be who we want again (after the initial shock of figuring out how to live together)... I'm feeling more centered here.  I'm of course about to change positions at L'Arche.  There is talk of me exercising with folks, being the coordinators' assistant, continuing to be a caregiver (which might be my favorite choice), or going back to the candle workshop... will keep y'all posted. 

 

Processing (and being around others who are processing) Tom's death has lead me to wonder--

-What are my priorities?

-Should I spend my life with people I love or keep rambling?

-Am I interested in settling down at some point?  (Recently, I've felt that urge... like when you throw a ball up and at some point it loses its force and begins to come back down)

-Do people know that I love them?

-It seems like ushering people out of this world with love is important work... but part of me questions it... why?

-How does one plan a life?! 

 

As always I'm collecting stories and would love to hear your reflections on any of the above. 

 

Grateful list:

-seasonality

-growing older (I can't wait to go grey! -bonus points if you know what song that line is from)

-being young

-people to love

-living with 6 amazing women who are just tryin' to do good work

-snail mail

-Friday night baking parties

-the full moon that will rise tonight at 6:30

-perspective's evolution

Another shot from our Rainier campout, near Mowich Lake. A creepy shot of me and Petey on the beach at Scenic Beach state park on our campout a few weeks ago... we wanted something that looked scary like Halloween... I think we did a good job.
Here's a horrible shot of the space needle at sunrise from Volunteer Park. When traffic isn't bad and I get to work early I sometimes bike over to the park to see some lovely plants and say hello to the needle.
Let us pass away in fall so those we leave behind remember to see death's beauty and seasons in life.... Tom passed away last Tuesday (which is part of the reason I've been out of contact with most folks). Last week I spent a lot of extra time at work preparing for the funeral and then time outside work learning songs for the funeral. I took this picture after he died. It was amazing, by the way. There were four or five of us singing him his final lullabye. When another core-member Pat came home, he needed to be out of the house so we went for a walk. Pat was sad about Tom, but on our walk he laughed, which was amazing as well because that's the first facial expression I've seen from him yet.

The not-so-humble 70s mansion known as "Sula House" ... here's our kitchen and porch
Acer macrophyllum... the one outside our living room window that has three pronged schizocarps
A quasi-artistic shot I took when Patsy-doodle got flowers from John upon arriving in Seattle
Once upon a time, we had blackberries out of our ears
Now only a memory remains (that and the jam and berries in our freezer)

Finally! Pix from the megasaurus rex :)

Me (in blue) then clockwise-Betsy-tetsy, Gina-bean, Patsy-doodlebug, and Melvin... Here we are on our Rainier campout last month (absent at that time: Jac and Rebs)

simple-living dork-out... here we are with our "it just started raining outside" puzzle... l-r rebs, bets, and gina bean

just a short note...

Hey wonderful folks,

    Just a short note because I'm on my way to the veggie stand, and then a chat to Rosie, followed by a young Quaker potluck (if I'm able to find directions!).  The day has been glorious!  I went with two housemates to the Unitarian Universalists fellowship here in Seattle, and was delighted!  It felt so welcoming and honest to be in a spiritually diverse group, rather than the L'Arche community.  I feel like I can only have energy to appreciate other people's traditions if I have enough time in my own.  This Friday they are having an open mic which I look forward to pickin' at :) 

   Tom's health is still declining, and it continues to be a sacred space. 

   The housemates and I had a fabulous time at El Centro de la Raza's 35th anniversary Gala last night.  They hired us to work at the auction and we were wined and dined in the process, quite the deal!  It was also a hoot for all of us to get dressed up together.  After the event we concluded the evening with what I think will be the first of many confessional story-telling over wine in the living room... The sula house community is reaching the tension points where we are beginning to be sooo real with one another and the challenge of community is now! 

   If you're in the area, we're having a halloween party (with costumes!) Oct. 27th. 

    The past week was tough... in part due to the evolution of one of those pesky romantic relationships (I could say the decomposition of such, but I think it's not spoiling as much as it is changing form).  and sometimes it is tough to watch Tom pass.... but it is always a task commanding such presence.  Overall, I feel I am on the upswing and excited for the week ahead. 

much love,

megs

 

grateful list-

-the possibility of musical friends at the UU

-Tom!

-the taco truck near Columbia City

-the challenges of community

-the celebrations of community

-sunshine

-water

-fresh starts in new places

-four leaf clovers

thanks for your patience!

Hey folks...

   still no pics... maybe someday?! 

The update....

-I don't work in the activity center anymore (and hoorah, that means no more getting in trouble for praying silently).  I am at this point a caregiver for Tom, who is passing away.  It is beautiful, scary, amazing, sad, joyful, and peaceful to spend days tending to Tom and others in the house.  This week I started my new schedule (which I seem to get every week... bonus points to L'arche for flexibility).  I start at 7:30am, which means I get up at 5:30am... but I think I will adjust quickly.  It feels so nice to be off work before dark.

-I'm heading to a bluegrass jam tonight, hoorah for that as well! 

-Last weekend my housemates and I volunteered at the AIDS walk.  A few of us were stationed at closed streets giving directions to the drivers so they could get around the course.  It was certainly shocking how negatively people reacted about traffic being changed for a few hours.  It really made me want to laugh when drivers would cuss at us because they were angry... I honestly wanted to laugh out loud for how obscene it was that people were so angry about an AIDS fundraiser.  Also interesting, I was volunteering alongside a girl who recently moved to Seattle as well.  She said she was going to take an Americorps position, but it was not possible to live on $950 a month... I was a little shocked, because I live on $650, and I feel spoiled... everything is relative, I suppose. 

-Last weekend I found a bike at goodwill, another source of excitement :)

-This weekend Petey and I will have adventuresome camping somewhere outside the city (not sure where yet... suggestions?), and I'm looking forward to that. 

-am a bit sleepy at the moment... perhaps I'll write more soon.

 

love!

megsy

 

grateful list

-bus time

-the sun when it peeks through

-letters, cards, and the postal system in general

-water

-mandolin pickin' that tickles my belly