fall

I pass by her now increasingly bare branches and I echo the grieving of the season,

and the new emptiness and challenges thereof.

I share her exhaustion... but have yet to learn

how to do so

with

    such  

        grace.

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I wrote this on my way back from Shuinota house this morning... upon seeing my favorite sugar maple in Capital Hill nearly naked today.  I've been a bit low energy lately.  As some folks know the asthma snuck up on me this past week... and now the meds are tripping me out a bit.  It does make me think that it is perhaps good that I'm not in the peace corps or somewhere else.  With Tom's passing, the ol' asthma, preparation for state inspections, and that whole fella scene that changed the past few weeks have been a smidge draining... but today I'm feeling softened by that. 

 

Lately I've felt super reflective... and I'm not sure how I've changed, but my heart seems to be transitioning more fully into the LVC experience.  I think of past relationships and places I've been and they seem so far away (not that some folks don't still feel close, but I feel now the excitement of creating my current story).  Our house communication is deepening and we are learning how to be who we want again (after the initial shock of figuring out how to live together)... I'm feeling more centered here.  I'm of course about to change positions at L'Arche.  There is talk of me exercising with folks, being the coordinators' assistant, continuing to be a caregiver (which might be my favorite choice), or going back to the candle workshop... will keep y'all posted. 

 

Processing (and being around others who are processing) Tom's death has lead me to wonder--

-What are my priorities?

-Should I spend my life with people I love or keep rambling?

-Am I interested in settling down at some point?  (Recently, I've felt that urge... like when you throw a ball up and at some point it loses its force and begins to come back down)

-Do people know that I love them?

-It seems like ushering people out of this world with love is important work... but part of me questions it... why?

-How does one plan a life?! 

 

As always I'm collecting stories and would love to hear your reflections on any of the above. 

 

Grateful list:

-seasonality

-growing older (I can't wait to go grey! -bonus points if you know what song that line is from)

-being young

-people to love

-living with 6 amazing women who are just tryin' to do good work

-snail mail

-Friday night baking parties

-the full moon that will rise tonight at 6:30

-perspective's evolution