cuddly things...

Greetings folks... it has been a while. There have been some dark times... but isn't that true for everyone (literally and figuratively) as we wait for solstice? I look forward to with great anticipation of the returning of light.

I've just returned from a walk in my beloved community park. I left just after a reading/meditating break in my sugar maple. I was appreciative of the carefully named trees planted in honor of one person or another. I listened to David Wilcox as the wind cut across the fields and onto my cheeks. I was walking on the path past a willow tree whose twigs had yellowed (I had never seen that before, but I don't know willow trees well)... when I felt compelled to take a closer look at the tree. For some reason, I gravitated towards the trunk... once there I felt the familiar "cuddling" that I feel whenever I am inside of a tree's globe of branches. I realized that I crave this feeling, as it moves me... I have always had trouble feeling included in groups of people. I have trouble believing that people love me, but I feel protected and swaddled within the branches of trees. I made the connection between my affinity for all things cuddly- my mummy sleeping bag that I sleep in most of the time, a fleece blanket I have, and my (now here's a really dorky confession!) wonderful flanel footy pj's. I don't know if I like all of the others because of my unexplainable deeply rooted connection with trees and the canopy world.... or if it's all just part of the list of things that make me feel loved.

Ellen says I should do one thing everyday that is life-affirming to me. That can be a challenge, but I have already found it rewarding.

My little heart is really excited to be reunited with my west coast kids and redwoods soon :)

I know that my family loves me. My little aunt Pegasus said she feels that she knows me because she sees me with her heart. My little Missy is willing to cuddle with me in a double-zipped dumpster sleeping bag. I am fortunate.

thankful list:
-Middy, and her care for me. I hope to grow a heart as big as her's some day.
-Pegasus, not only for letting me call her that name, as if she were a flying horse, but also her deep understanding. her heart is incredebly perceptive.
-Noelle, for being there when I needed her to be (even if I had never gotten through to her phone until I needed her to be there). For being beautifully seasoned by life so much so that her empathy is rich and her heart's streams deep.
-Rosie-O, for checkin' up on me and bein' so full of love that she bubbles right over.
-Paiger and Megan B, for helping me venture into creative honesty, for helping me develop this part of myself.
-Mama, for loving me the best she can.
-Trees, for giving us life sustaining oxygen... and a reason to look up.