… unsure of how I got here… I am listening to my life soundtrack in the last 48 hours of my Berea College experience. I will be an alum before the week is out. I am writing farewell letters to be sure everyone knows how they touched my heart in my time here, when a song fills the room, and I feel fortunate to be alone. This past week has spun by so quickly filled with graduation celebrations, farewells, errands, packing, etc. I had not yet been alone for reflection.

Here I sit, with an openly wounded brand new tattoo to commemorate the healing that this spring has brought into my life. Peter Gabriel’s “I grieve” whispers to me “it was only one hour ago, it was all so different then, nothing yet has really sunk in, looks like it always did”. This is meaningful in multiple contexts. It is perfectly suited for how my heart feels at this very moment: that great change is at hand, but not detectable, understandable, explainable, or predictable… Yet it also echos my healing, my reunion with life again after this winter’s solstice. I’ve written down in blood and ink my contract with my heart to never loose hope. There’s a lot of love wrapped up in that newly colorful patch of skin as well. Dawn drew the symbol, Peg sponsored it (shhh!), Jessa drove me and shared the day with me, Alix reminded me how important it was to me, Noelle answered her phone, I got the idea while walking with Rosie at the Marsh, Missy helped me sneak away, Beth and Sarah prayed with me, Irene helped my weary heart rest and helped me stay warm and healthy this winter, Ellen installed confidence, Paige introduced me to Charmed Life Tatts, and countless others have touched my heart throughout my healing process. Mmm… Life is beautiful. Thanks for the love.

more still!

Hey y’all~ 

    I know this has been a silly lot of bloggin’ as of late… but I just can’t keep it in!  The tides have most definitely turned here in Ber town.  Believe it or not I went dancing tonight!  On Crutches!  I must say, I had to come up with all new moves, but the groove was there just the same J  Hooray for friends willing to stick it out with me when I’m a royal nasty, and then dance with me when I’m over it.  I was surprised that it was easier to crutch dance than just crutch around town…. I may have found my new exercise.  Irene took a pic of us and I’ll post it when I go upstairs.  Jessa baby did some wicked cool fire dancin’ too, it has been the best festival this weekend.

 

The thankful list:

-dancing! 

-good bands

-festivals

-Meike, Jessa, and Sarah for totin’ me around today in my favorite new chair and for dancing their hearts out with me too!

-Kati did for joinin’ the dance party, as well as deciding to throw me a graduation party this coming Wednesday (he y’all, please do come out for that!)

-penpals, e-mail pals, and just long distance friends in general

-singing with Meike today

-Jessa baby’s clothing donations, always functional and delightful

-Jessa baby’s musical partyin’ down… nobody can play shady grove on a baby guitar like her J

-clean water to drink

-that most of my body works good enough to dance on one foot for three hours

-the lesson out of this whole foot situation: Just roll with it (literally!) 

unable to keep it all in....

Hello lovely folks…

    I just wanted to stop and make a short reflection/announcement.  The announcement is that I appreciate everyone’s help these past few weeks when I’ve been less than mobile.  Also, I was delighted today at Sarah’s suggestion to get a wheelchair from health services-good call!  Now I get to go for long “walks” and can easily spend more time outside.  The reflection is that being in a wheel chair has gotten quite a mixed reaction.  It seems the looks of pity are certainly more intense and people are more likely to open a door for you (as compared to a person on crutches, in my experience).  Also, people have generally thought my injury had gotten a lot worse because I was in the chair, which seems logical enough.  Some folks seem uncomfortable with it and avoid eye contact a little.  Perhaps I’m reading too much into this, but it certainly is an interesting social experiment—to be in someone else’s shoes.  It makes me wonder how I normally act towards people in wheelchairs and with other various impairments.  Also interesting is that now I am in tune to a whole different world.  I notice sidewalk conditions, slippery spots, door openers that are broken, etc.  Which makes me wonder beyond physical impairments… what other “shoes” would be very different to wear?  What-really-is it like to be a minority?  What is it like to have a developmental disability?  What is it like to have a mental disability or a mental illness?  What is it like to be a single mom?  What is it like to be extremely rich or poor?  What is it like to have a facial scar?  Hmmm… this has certainly been an eye opening experience. 

 

Thankful list:

-Andrew for wheeling me up to dinner with Les, Kati, David, Rachel and Joe

-Kati for her various “working leg” favors

-Sarah for getting me outside and out of my little funk

-Amelia for dancing with me, okay, so she did most of the dancing

-Meike for heartfelt chattin’ and wheel-chair appreciation

-My favorite nurse, Bonnie, who told me the wheel chair I checked out was “Older than Jesus”

-tea on chilly days

-laughter

-breakfast pancakes

-sleeping bags

-sleeping downstairs to avoid the steps

-many offers to help me pack

-Corrie who taught me her banjo song today

 

SENS gals, past, present, and future. L-R: Kati-did, megasus, Alix-aka-"baba", and Corrie bear. Interestingly enough we all take Appalachian music lessons from the adorable Al White. (Kati plays fiddle and will start banjo next fall, I pick the banjo of course, Alix plays the fiddle and Corrie is taking banjo lessons and plays guitar too). the crutch games... below is Eli and me jousting with our crutches in borrowed office chairs.
The race is on! We race around the place too...
Hmmm... the times are certainly flying. So it turns out being in the leg up club is harder than I thought it would be. I hadn't realized to what extent I depended on running to keep me energetic and excited about life. Running is honestly very addictive... and I'm having a bit of withdrawl. It was a challenge to the house to have two folks on crutches at a time of the year when there's a push to finish things along. Alix and Wes were very frustrated with the sudden increase in their workload. After some shifting of duties and heart-sharin' we were able to come to some compromises that work for all of us. As always, the conversation was tough in spots, much needed, and very relieving. I do love those housemates of mine. Beth says perhaps this is to teach me flexibility. I has narrowed myself to think of running as my only outlet... so I am currently collecting other options. Unfortunately, swinging for hours is off the list because I almost got sick the other day trying it. I'm open to other suggestions however, so please share!

There is much on my mind as things wind down for me in Berea. First and foremost, I am grateful to have been given this educational opportunity. I think it's pretty amazing to give folks from low income backgrounds a chance to work for their education. I also recognize that it doesn't seem fair that everyone can't go to a school like Berea. I could go back and forth in my mind, but rather choose to simply appreciate what I've been somehow lucky enough to receive.

Secondly, the conclusion of my time at SENS is rather large event for me too. It seems to me that my years with SENS were the most fruitful in terms of personal growth. For the past three years I've been having adventures and explorations in what it means to live sustainably and in community. I have been royaly spoiled with amazing technology that I will not likely encounter to this extent again in any home I live in. I've had the opportunity to live with heaps of great folks, as well as some folks who I didn't connect with.... both good experiences to have. Much has happened in this house over the years. I learned how to communicate (well, to the extent that I know now), cook (this one is still in question!), and the importance of 8 hugs a day. This past year has been the most amazing... as we started off with a backpackin' retreat and ended with a dinner full of belly laughter and many stories. This is the first time in the history of the house that all four residents have lived the entire year together, and I think it goes a long way to build community. I remember Kati talking to me about applying to be a SENS director my freshman year. I was intimidated and reluctant. Wow. I certainly wouldn't have guessed things would have worked so successfully. Which leads me to have great hope for my next adventures on the horizon. I am excited and scared (mostly excited) to dive back into the challenging water of new exploration and start this next phase of my life.

Thirdly, and least importantly, really... I have some cds made. For those brave souls who are my friend enough to appreciate my musical attempts, I've put together 20 songs. I didn't write any of them, although I hope to write songs someday. If you'd like a copy just send me an e-mail or leave me a comment. Make sure to include your address too.

Much love!

megasus

ps-the thankful list:

-wonderful teachers! I have encountered far too many to list here! I'll just look at this semester alone... kudos to Al White for his Appalachian music enthusiasm, Ralph Thompson for his botanical and life wisdom, and Carol DeRosset for her courage to go beyond classroom material and bring in that which is ultimately more relevant, and Alan Mills for his quiet yet vast appreciation for the calm photography can share (which his pictures certainly do!)

-Pun Jab Indian food

-Dairy Queen dipped cones and the fact that they will forever remind me of Ralph Thompson and botany

-chilly nights perfect for sleepin

-Beth for her ability to remind me who I want to be

-Jessa baby for helpin' me out lots

-Josh Profit for bringing me lunch today while I stayed inside to avoid slippin in the rain on my crutches

-that I've got company in the leg up club

-my sleepytime music that relaxes the day away

-office chairs, they make it so easy to get around the house

-Chris for swapping out his good crutch with my bad one (he's not putting all of his weight on his)

-Carol's little notebooks that she gave us to put memories in

-This tiny school that has been way too good to me

-these last few days with some berea folks

-crutches, it's sure easier than crawling!

"Are there any real men in here?" Dr. T always tells me to say that really loud when I enter a gas station. We stop every class to get ice cream or root beer. For four years he's tried to hook me up with a redneck, but not really. I appreciate Dr. T's classes because they are about plants, but beyond that because they are always fun and the type where you get to know your classmates. He's a very passionate little Botanist and he tells us that we too need to pursue our passions in life. In his herbarium there's a poster that says "Make whatever you do today important because you're giving a day of your life for it"... also in his herbarium he has postcards of plants that his students send him when they travel the world and a poster of an eagle that says "I am smiling". Which is funny, because to most students he appears to be a hard-hearted prof... but his field kids know that he is so funny and excited about plants. Here's a shout out to the amazing teachers I've encountered over the years. I feel like I've stumbled into way beyond my share... and I am most grateful! Here's a dwarf sundew, isn't it cute? It's the little red stuff. It is a carnivorous plant located only one place in Kentucky. In Polasky county you can drive down lots of tiny roads, hobble though a meadow and come across these little delights. :)
Here's the first picture of the "leg up club". I thought I was movin' out of that group, but my foot decided differently... so I'm back on crutches again.

the leg up club!

Here’s some funny news… My housemate Eli and I are both on crutches… Wes and Alix are already tired of the “hey, you have two legs that work… could you go get…” and the party is just beginning.  We’re pretty excited and already talking about a crutches-only Olympics (which might actually be a bad idea).  We’ve taken over the living room couches for our “leg up club meeting”, where we both sit with our bum feet elevated.  I had Brandie take a photo, but my cord is upstairs… and I won’t be goin’ that a-way until time for bed.  Y’all may or may not know that my little right tootsie is unhappy because of a stress fracture on the fifth metatarsal.  Eli sustained his injury from flying on his Pegasus unicorn who he calls “Charlie” and fighting such evils as a “sanitron 4000” gone bad and a misrepresenting “sludge-judge 2000”.  He took a hit to the left ankle and hasn’t stopped swelling since.  He’ll try and be modest and say that he hurt it doing “Danish gymnastics” whatever that means, but we saw the whole thing go down, so don’t let him lie to you.  We are now, more than ever, accepting donations of go-go-gadget appendages, perhaps we could function a little easier that way.  We extend our gratitude in advance. 

 

Thankful list:

-the united nature of this house, that Eli would go and hurt himself so I wouldn’t be the only one on crutches

-ace wraps

-Thelma and Margie

-reading good books in the grass and making cloud shapes

-banjo lessons with al

-mashed tators with butter

-the go-go gadget appendage you’re about to send our immobile little house

 

 

To explain the extra odd e-mail this week about the "happy couple" here we are! This is my new banjo... who may grow to be called "Lucky". He's the most enjoyable green deering goodtime banjo on this side of the mississippi! I was so happy when I bought him... I gave the salesperson my credit card and then went back to the banjo section to cry a little. I can hardly believe that I will be able to play banjo for the rest of my days. Al said now that I have my own banjo and have been playin' for a while I can say that I am a banjo player. This really tickled me. So much so that I'm even trying to learn by ear a little. It's gone alright too.

Thankful list:

-freedom... all that I currently enjoy and that which is coming down the pipelines via graduation

-lucky the banjo

-four leaf clovers (which seem to jump me lately)

-clean water to drink

-a comfortable bed

-eating breakfast with missy out of one bowl this morning

-lazy days

-sunshine!

-my little housemates

-jessa baby and our monday sun collecting date

-my sleepin' bag

I think this guy may have been one of my favorite folks. He ran a marathon in that costume! How incredible!

Good morning with a little sister run. Just in case you can't see, our shirts say "save gas. RUN!" Below are the pictures that tell the story of our 13.1 mile journey together. I read a sign that one spectator had that said "People run marathons early before their brains wake up". I laughed during the race, but after when I was a bit sore and super exhausted I commended that bystander for their wisdom. First I'll get to the nitty-gritty details: we ran the first 8 miles on cruise control without a hitch (okay, so miles 5-8 were all uphill, but other than that no big events) then Missy's little IT Band went wacko. She was havin' some serious pain. I'll be honest, at first I didn't believe she hurt her knee, I thought she was just wimping out on me. I can say this because we have talked about it already (and laughed!!!). So we ran miles 9-13 pretty darn slow, which I think might have been how I hurt my little right foot. My research suggests it might be a stress fracture, but I'm opting to believe that this is not the case (I mean it could just be bruised...). So I'm limpin' around the place these days. This weekend I learned an important lesson in moderation. Just as it is important to find your limits with food, drinks, missed sleep, etc. I believe I have found my running limit. I also think that perhaps we went a smidge past it... as it felt like we spent Sunday after the race with a "running hangover" only waking to eat and apply more icyhot. I know we should have walked a good bit after the race, but Missy could hardly walk at all... and I was pretty sleepy after the breakfast buffet, so we caved and did the worst thing possible-we took a nap!
You know... what else is there to do in cincy at 6:15 am? Get a load of this large man who ran a marathon in a tutu. Now that's a joy runner :)
Mile 1... we're still fresh and be-boppin'. Now, don't think we're that slow. It took quite a while for us to actually get to the starting line. Our chip time was 6 or 7 minutes faster than the race clocks.
Mile two...Mile three Mile 4... This is near where we saw Rueben.
Horray for mile 5! We celebrated this fella and his hairy back for the entire mile! Shazam!
Mile 6... sorry, nothing stood out about mile 6

Mile seven was like runnin' in heaven...
Check out this pretty view from the bridge.
Mile 8... still going uphill... and Missy's little knee got fed up.
Mile 9... I believe this was the mile where I did a cartwheel. It sure gave me a little extra spring.Mile 10... little Missy wasn't real pleased at this point. Mile 11... yeah... sorry about that... I don't know what happened there... but that's our shot of mile 11.Mile 12... just a little more to go. The two cutest pigs! Would you believe they put us in tin foil? I was afraid it was a hog roast and we were about to be bacon! Turns out that's not really the case... but it sure was odd.

FYI-for future reference if you run a half marathon, don't be pushed through the food line... get your moolah's worth. We made that mistake and had to make a mad dash to the Big Boy, asap. Luckily they had their breakfast buffet... where I nearly cried. I was so overjoyed to find corn nuggets. To me that is the measure of a good buffet.