megwheresheis

rainy February day

2011-02-24T14:30:00.001-04:00

And alas, in case I didn't remember

Comes today

Rain and gray

Lingers me in my morning bed

Last week drunk on springtime

Falling over

Tears for crocuses

Sunrises

Warm breezes

Back porch speech writing joy

Bouncing from one pie, valentine's hand towel, rally to the next

So much so that for some reason today's low wasn't expected

When I don't feel like there's deep enough to grab on to and touch

my vulnerable, weathering, tumbled personhood

my small tiny place in all of this

the way the wind blows me

then comes today

and in a quiet voice commands me to remember

to still and step back

to be that encompassing acceptance of myself

that is steadily rooted

patiently to withstand any storm

potted in a love bigger than my own

in a place I can claim no ownership of or definitive knowledge about

working perspective

2010-07-20T13:21:00.001-04:00

I know it has been ages, but I was in the middle of some challenging work this morning in the office when it hit me--a sense of holy in the work we are doing. I have been working for the better part of the last year in an Environmental Law Office that sues over violations of the Clean Air Act, Clean Water Act, and Endangered Species Act. Not sure if anyone else looks at this these days, but I wanted to catch this, at least for my own self.

planet in peril leads to unified cause
stop this heating up
for the sake of all
we do this because we know there are unheard voices all throughout the current energy paradigm
voices everywhere facing consequences of our lifestyle
of our power generation
but this generation-our generation- has been charged with holy work
to raise up those voices, shout them into the ears of oppressors
pleading for relief
and when we need more, because the mountains are going and the air we breathe dirty-ing too fast
we appeal with law books in our hands
saying "there once were visionaries who believed we all had rights to a clean environment, let us now hear their voices--
and be guided by their rules"
and it's not glamorous
it's not the sort of law that is shiny, rich, pin-striped, and pearled
but rather the law practiced by gardeners, bike riders, tie-dyers, focused and effective hippies
and sometimes lawyers with hippie tendencies
but here we all are, doing our damnest to change things the best we know how
I'm sure grateful that they let me hang out on the side-lines here in paralegal land and wet my feet
in one more stream that flows toward a brave tomorrow
cause heaven knows we have a lot of land to cover
before we, as drops of change, reach a new ocean.

has it been so long?

2010-04-03T20:55:00.001-04:00

Hmm... it seems to have been ages since I wrote (and that's pretty accurate, as I just looked at the blog and found the most recent date to be last July.) I write a small note that I have not fallen of the face of this place, but just no longer have prioritized access to reliable internet in my life. Though in the moment I am missing folks from old berea memories of times past, there is still a lot to be grateful for.

the grateful list:
-good hotdogs and mac and cheese. no joke. we found these amazing dogs at happy meadow and every once and a while, we buy them for a treat. Tonight they accompanied the mac
-the fantastical parade of daffodils around alumni fields. Thanks John Perry for being a rocking forester and for having a love of a variety of daffodils. Spring in this town is forever changed by you.
-camping out at the turners... though I'm not sure I slept much at all, it was nice to be in that familiar place in the warm again...reassuring that warmth is here and we are IN spring and heading into summer, woot!
-surprise boot delivery, just when I had decided they would not arrive until after the weekend. Long story... I exchanged my hiking boots, only to realize the hike I was planning to go on tomorrow with Sierra Club folks (in search of spring flowers!) asks us to wear boots.
-the postal system: to all my pen-pals, I know I have been slacking, thank you for being rockstars.
-a sweet bug named Micah who is understanding and very silly when I am down (which inevitably makes me less down)
-the fact that I saw a lightning bug in the woods the other day (it was during the day, on an oak tree I had climbed, but it sure looked like the summer bug)
-the sunny day we got today, as a surprise after threats of thunderstorms and a windy, WINDY morning... that is, until we brought out the kite.

much love
m

leftover prayer for breakfast

2009-07-16T11:16:00.001-04:00

I do not know if you saw it

because I couldn't bring myself

to break our silent prayer

but last night while the navy sky

sputtered a misty haze

flowers opened

one--

I do believe,

-- opened with a cricket

(or acquired it shortly thereafter)

and he stood on his hind legs

nose to the stamen,

not unlike Beth and I,

the whole duration of their blooming.

I'm not sure if he was stuck against his summerly will

or if it was that very thing which held him there.

the image of him in those flowers stayed with me…

like the leftover prayer I'm having with breakfast.

****

Here's one little poem lately, but they've been raining out of me these days… more to come (when I remember to bring my journal to where my computer lives).

Grateful list:

-potlucks that turn out to be a quiet night instead, when that's what you needed in the first place

-blackberries, oh blackberries

-buckets of produce=the way to my heart

-canning, is it really canning season already?!

-lightning bugs

-flowers on my desk (thanks to my sweet co-workers)

-birthday visitors from Ohio

-gardens

-being loved

-Micah's patience

-making music with people

-reading Mary Oliver in the morning

-clean water to drink

-rain

-the pace of summer

-healing up old hurts; learning through my past

-learning to love with open hands, in an unexpected way

It's been a while... but after a vacation to the west coast and a sinus surgery, my feet are back on the ground here in B-town

2009-06-30T11:53:00.001-04:00

And all I have to say is Huzzuh! My word, summer has once again found its way into my heart. If you can't feel summer (let's say maybe you too work in an air conditioned office), then I prescribe (for your off-time) a very strict diet of the following:
-weekends out at Jessa and Nathan's farm picking blueberries and napping with a sweetheart on the outdoor music stage when you're too lazy to even set up a tent or hike into the woods
-firefly watching
-dancing in downpours
-porch music playing (or better yet, play music to the flowers when they open, you just might get a few gig offerings out of the deal...)
-watching evening primrose bloom at dusk (either silently to hear the birds or with musical accompaniment)
-Night hiking and dipping when you are willing to stay up a bit late
***
I am amazed
that out of that soil
that I sweetened with tears
turned so hard I nearly collapsed into it
that place that bore the brunt of old anger
now has red blossoms
I don't care if the whole harvest only
adds up to a handful
or less
because it's not about what you harvest
the point is that there is
growth
and that is more beautiful
than bushels
that haven't been loved.
***
And too, I'm amused at the play on words. Yes, why don't I return to this place I call home and do something called the "energy and empowerment project"... I am so grateful for this work. It waxes and wanes and there are times my to-do list is so tall I lose perspective and feel more important than I ought.... but then the real times I'm in love (yep, I said it...) with supporting local work around energy issues. It's just challenging enough to stay interesting and inspiring, yet not so exhausting that I can't also be present in my life outside of this office. I'm appreciative of the deadlines that follow with a sense of accomplishment, I like tasks. Also, I don't know if I say it enough that I am so fortunate to have kind co-workers. These folks love their jobs and have created a community here that is one of the best working environments I've ever been a part of. All of this to say that I have to laugh because this job is giving me energy and I'm growing much more empowered (in my personal life and my work)... which is typical of this thing people call "service", that we on the "giving" end are blessed as well.

cross posted from my facebook... yes, I'm on facebook....?!

2009-04-30T08:52:00.001-04:00

This is from when I went to Princeton for a conference the weekend before last. I'm amused at traveling in spring time, because it feels like I go back and forth in the season. This past weekend I went to Bowling Green and went forward in time (all of their irises were out!) ... but there wasn't much time to stop and write.
****
Oh Second Spring
with this trip I travel back in time to the prime of
daffodils, forsythia, spring beauty,
unbloomed violets, third trimester tree buds
heavy with anticipation.

my hands muddied by the pursuit of
a ramp, red leaved at the base

with this stream I am soothed,
what comes to mind are words not my own
"the bioremediation of the soul"
I am calmed by the stream's pace
not much faster than mine

I am filled with gratitude for the geese overhead
and delight in the waiting game of
spotted trout lilies, and spotting a few that have sprung.

I am in love with the muck of spring's birth
and contemplate a trip sometime in the future
where I could walk slowly
at the pace of springtime
north somewhere.

As predicted I feel the pull of obligation
back to this conference,
which has brought me to this place....
but not without acknowledging that it is
this woods that brought me --here--

For pete's sake! I want to know the steps of this dance
the details of the march these woods take
through the seasons
what to find when

I want to know and honor all of these small
green things.

I have not found my life's work,
but I am certain--
this learning is my life's joy.

2009-04-02T11:10:00.004-04:00

Here are lots of photos that have been waiting to be shared. It is official... my laptop and former cell phone have died.... Let me know if you want my new number. Here is a photo ramble:

a yard full of violets

Love me some daffodils... ain't no joke.

dusk throws some pretty pothos shadows.

have a seat!

grow babies grow! little windowsill lettuce.

"Cheap sk8." Tuesdays. Old Town. 6-8. Dinner for purhcase.

If you visit the hobbit home, I will put you to work. Just ask Nick and Greg.

These flowers will grow up to be pears!

well... we only had two pairs of gloves...

again, the shadows of dusk.

old time fun. Note-afghan made by grams j.

Best fun $2 can buy ya.

hobbit home from a distance... thank all goodness for the westward window.

more walnuts to crack. Thanks Fred for the loan of splittin' equipment.

Much to be grateful for on this beautiful spring morning!

the list:
-m&ms in the morning
-lime plaster painting with jessa
-music in the office (80s!)
-cheap sk8
-community dinners
-the conference room at work (and it's windows)
-the new blue wall in my office!
-facilities folks who have been painting CELTS, they're a real hoot (Kyle and Richard)
-garden sprouts
-going to bed early
-clean, cold water, for which I have done little to deserve access to
-rambles, of all kinds

2009-03-27T15:59:00.001-04:00

2009-03-27T13:16:00.003-04:00

For Jessa...
Here's a new post with a few key updates:

Tuesday skate... maybe next week we'll actually go in the rink... no tellin'. We've been lucky to have beautiful weather, so much so that we just keep going on skates around the neighborhood.

Potluck on Irene's birthday, hobbit home style. It's a tiny spot, so I can only have several folks over when it's nice enough to be outside. Tiff serenaded us with the song "golden retriever".
Happy belated St. Pat's. Here's some graffiti that I appreciate along with a four leaf clover that was in the cross country trails.
My first campout of this spring was this past Monday night. Tiff and I hiked out to this little hill. I stuck around for the sunrise, which was so beautiful.

I think I'm going to stay here in this position for another year. I don't think I'm done with Berea quite yet...

...alright, now back to the tasks at hand...

grateful list:
-spring.
-the garden that Beth and I are putting in
-the Joneses (It's a joy to keep up with Loyal and Nancy)
-daffodils
-tiff's excitement about a weeknight campout
-Ireney: company, music, and baked goods
-Jessa-baby and our attempted cheap-sk8ing
-Spider Sarah's letters
-redbud trees are about to bloom
-clean water to drink
-pea shoots in salad
-dinner with Les, Drew, and Levi
-to be here in Berea

lists...

2009-02-25T00:12:00.001-04:00

I saw this story on npr's website and wanted to share it. As y'all know, I'm a list-maker. I have them everywhere: around my apartment, in my office, in my recipe box, on postcards and letters. These are my reasons for making lists:

Because I feel anxious when I have too much in my head to hold onto.
Because I want to acknowledge that there is constantly a lot to be grateful for, and I don't want those people, places, things, and events to go unnoticed.

To break huge ideals into attainable realities. My resume says I want to be a catalyst for positive change and support energy and environmental justice in Appalachia. How the heck could one person do that? Lost of folks do sooo much more than I do. Making my small daily lists at work is parallel to acknowledging that just as there are lots of small tasks to do to bring our ideals into existance (or bring existance closer to our ideals), too there are lots of small people--ordinary folks--whose combined power adds up to a movement.
To check things off. I'm addicted to tasks. I love ticking off boxes.
To ramble in a (relatively?) concise way.

10 Reasons Why We Love Making Lists

by Linton Weeks

What's On Your List?

What lists would you like to see? The 6 Most Colorful Characters in Congress? My 5 Favorite Yellow Things? Three Movies That Deserve a Sequel (But Don't Have One Yet)? Tell us in the comments section below.

NPR.org, February 24, 2009 · Why is it that everywhere you turn there's a list for this or that?

On Facebook, friends recently began posting 25 Random Things About Me — which bloggers have been doing for years. Now some people are lambasting the listiness while others are shortening it to a more manageable 3 Random Things (3 Places I Have Lived or 3 TV Shows I Watch).

Other Facebook and MySpace lists abound: 6 Great Books. 8 Favorite Songs. 7 Reasons to Hate … Whatev.

David Letterman's Top 10 List has become a bona fide art form. And there's a list of Top 5 Musicians on Twitter floating around.

Everyday parlance is littered with lists: laundry, grocery, honey-do. When Dick Cheney was asked by then-presidential candidate George W. Bush to find him a suitable running mate, Cheney did what all pols would do: He drew up a short list. (And then he wound up as the VP pick.)

"Enough organization, enough lists and we think we can control the uncontrollable," observed a character on the TV show House. By now you would think there are enough lists. But still we keep jotting things down in an orderly fashion.

Why do we love lists? Let us count the ways:

1. Lists bring order to chaos. "People are attracted to lists because we live in an era of overstimulation, especially in terms of information," says David Wallechinsky, a co-author of the fabulous Book of Lists, first published in 1977 and followed by subsequent editions. "And lists help us in organizing what is otherwise overwhelming."

2. Lists help us remember things — at the hardware store, for the vacation trip, Christmas presents. The One Planet Education Network, or OPEN, is a global online education content provider that counts Harvard and Columbia universities as clients. OPEN also swears by lists. "Checklists help you remember what you have done and what you have to do," the curriculum reminds the students.

3. Most lists are finite. They don't usually go on and on. And if they do, you can skip to the bottom of the list. The Internet Movie Database, for instance, lists its "bottom 100 movies as voted by users." The winner — er, loser — is Zaat, a 1975 sci-fi fiasco.

4. Lists can be meaningful. The Steven Spielberg classic Schindler's List is based on the true story of a German businessman who used a list of names to save more than 1,000 Jews from the concentration camps. It is ranked eighth on the American Film Institute's 2007 list of 100 top American films of the past 100 years.

5. Lists can be as long or as short as necessary. Jamie Frater, a New Zealand opera singer, maintains a list-keeping site called The List Universe. Recent posts include "20 Great Quotes from Ronald Reagan" and "Top 10 Codes You Aren't Meant to Know." A list, Frater says, should be "as long as is necessary. Some lists need be only a few lines an item, others a few paragraphs. I seldom write more than one paragraph, but occasionally the need arises to do so." Frater adds, "This question is a bit like asking an artist: 'When is the painting finished?' It is when it is."

6. Making lists can help make you famous. Notable list makers include Thomas Jefferson, Peter Mark Roget, Martha Stewart and Benjamin Franklin. "A methodical and wry man," wrote Franklin biographer Walter Isaacson in Time magazine, "Franklin loved making lists. He made lists of rules for his tradesmen's club, of synonyms for being drunk, of maxims for matrimonial happiness and of reasons to choose an older woman as a mistress. Most famously, as a young man, he made a list of personal virtues that he determined should define his life."

7. The word "list" can be tracked back to William Shakespeare, according to the Oxford English Dictionary. In Hamlet, the Bard refers to "a list of landlesse resolutes."

8. Lists relieve stress and focus the mind. "Lists," sociologist Scott Schaffer told The Oregonian newspaper, "really get to the heart of what it is we need to do to get through another day on this planet."

9. Lists can force people to say revealing things. In his 25 Random Things roster, former California Gov. Jerry Brown reveals that his favorite cereal is ... Flax Plus Multibran.

10. Lists can keep us from procrastinating. We put this one off until the end. Making a list enables us to get our heads around really big tasks — and helps us tackle the work one aspect at a time. But a list is only useful if it reveals a truth, solves a problem or leads to action. Making a list, for instance, does not necessarily help procrastinators. As DePaul University psychologist Joseph Ferrari told Psychology Today in 2008, people don't put off work they must do because they lack list-making skills. And, in turn, making a list does not get the job done.

Grateful list:

-sleepy music (Vienna Teng's song about winter)

-crocuses--oh, dear spring.

-eyesight

-clean water

-kind responses to my letter to the editor about "Our Belongings"

-mornings, sunrises

-mud

-....did someone say healthcare reform?

-the opportunity to work with such amazing community folks on energy issues

-houseplants

-food, cranberries in particular

-mixed cds

-daily hikes

this town...

2009-02-14T00:52:00.001-04:00

This town has seen much recently

Warm sunny days that made us dream about swimming
iced over days that made us beg for warmth
rainy days
wildly stormy days that shredded our already battered forests
a temperature range of 66 degrees in the last month

and that's about what it was like to remember Zack today.

we laughed, we cried and every little pit stop in between the two
a friend said "I've felt the entire range of emotions this week"

and still there are snow drops

Zack's mom said this was his home now,
he belonged in Kentucky
when he was visiting his old home
in Oakland last
he found it too loud
too bright
and missed a tinier place
she said

his drumming teacher said
his heart goes out
to the family
and close friends
but more
to those who never got the chance to meet this sunbeam

a friend of his said that he was like a shooting star
with a trail so bright
we all wanted more

I agree

but I think he was maybe more like a firecracker
because he touched a lot of people

not only was he planning to find the carbon footprint
of the city of berea this summer
it turns out,
but he was planning a trip to
Argentina
and a million other small journeys
on the way to healing
people and the earth

wow.

We sang I'll fly away and planted the first tree
in the orchard he was designing
friends gave him a zombies vs. humans
nurf gun salute
his family thanked everyone for loving him
saying that he was so bright
because of this place and the community he found here

they were so amazingly grateful
that they got to have him for so much of his life
and that when he left
he landed in a place like this

which reminds me that,
yes,
there is [a long] winter
but it brings snowdrops

and then there is spring

I wish Zack Sieben more than a peaceful resting place.

I wish him
an earth thumping-drum pounding,
wild dancing,
justice seeking,
green and growing,
place to be

we will carry his passion...
as soon as we've all had a bit of sleep

I snuggle in tonight
knowing that spring will come
and then there will be dancing.

the tree

2009-02-13T00:32:00.001-04:00

I called jessa

and said

I'm sitting at the top of our favorite oak tree.

She said

Awww, cool.

Then I said,

And what do you think that means?

It fell, aw man.

Yep

Feels about like we all do

A bit busted up

It bows in tribute to a fallen steward.

If a tree falls in the woods and no one hears it

Has it really fallen?

If a young man passes in his sleep and no one was ready

Is he really gone?

The sunset was beautiful.

I just let it go...

Didn't try to catch it all up with my camera

Acceptance is slow, but relieving.

I have no other words to weave,

The tree did the talking on this one.

what matters

2009-02-11T16:26:00.001-04:00

The day outside is twisted up in breezy gusts.
there is a weight on the hearts in this town
many were touched by a young man who has left us

a week or so we were bundled up
and iced over
and without power
and today it seems that we've had the wind knocked out of us

yes, his housemates--they're okay (as much as they can be)
hard for me to imagine
what the place feels like now
just monday it was brimming with music, food, and dirty dishes.

and now it lies empty, hoping only to weather the incoming storm.

i tell you not in nostalgia or with rose-colored glasses that this person
was
more alive than most of us
that this person
was inspiring to work with
that Zack was one of the most optimistic activists I've ever had the honor to know

in the last storm we were all forced to loosen our white-knuckled grip on our too-full to-do lists
and just be
warm
and
fed.

now this week, again, I wonder what all of this is about
it's hard to sit in this office and do the work to be done
hard even though I know that Zack wouldn't miss a minute of action for justice
he's stronger than I am

all I can do in this moment is pause...
and acknowledge that I was touched by the spirit of a person who has gone on

the voices I overhear from the cubicle walls chatter about impending weather
... rumors that more high winds are on their way
well, I'm not sure there is much left that hasn't been tied town

all we can do is rest in this storm's eye.

Coal Dust Explosion

2009-02-04T13:49:00.001-04:00

http://www.startribune.com/local/38868027.html?elr=KArks:DCiUHc3E7_V_nDaycUiD3aPc:_Yyc:aULPQL7PQLanchO7DiU

This story (along with the others piling up lately) brings me nearly to tears. When will we learn? How many coal disasters does it take to wake up a nation (and world)? I won't be heading to DC, but I whole-heartedly support those planning to participate in Power Shift lobbying and civil disobedience <http://www.powershift09.org/splash>.

Coal River Wind Petition

2009-02-03T15:24:00.001-04:00

I'll reflect more later, but wanted to share this link with y'all:

http://climategroundzero.org/

Know that my heart is well today. It is snowing sideways and I'm giddy with excitement about an Energy and Empowerment project this Spring semester. The Health in Appalachia class is working with Kentucky Environmental Foundation to create a Community-Based Research project to learn more about regional health providers' knowledge, perspectives, and assumptions about the effects of coal-fired power plants. I'm just tickled to see this project moving forward. I can't wait to drop in on the class when my work schedule allows and learn more about this important issue.

Also, my amaryllis opened on Sunday. It is so beautiful. I am grateful for that.

Moreover, when I get the chance there are a few poems I might share... one about peanut butter sandwiches and irony.

Love to y'all.
m

quick grateful list:
-flowers
-people looking out for air quality
-yummy lunch (thanks Rene!)
-sister reflections
-mandolin pickin'...and landlords who don't mind a basement full of bluegrass
-clean water to drink
-the woods near Brushy Fork creek... and their beauty
-home canned food
-healing, slow as it is
-Alanis M... who writes the most fantastical story songs for hearts in transition.
-earplugs to sleep well through noisy heaters
-Krystal Mae for being so darn sunny
-the promise of a roller skating party soon

2009-01-22T23:31:00.000-04:00

American beech tree (Fagus grandifolia). I love this particular beech. The creek edge has eroded leaving this tree's roots hanging out in the open.

Greg Brown has a song about "grandma putting summer in jars"... In the winter, I'm delighted by jars of summer, caught by the toe.

The hobbit home! Complete (of course) with lots of house plants.

Yosemite!

2009-01-22T23:23:00.000-04:00

I'm learning how to upload photos from my new camera. Everyday, I walk in the woods (well I miss a day here or there, but usually 5 days a week, I go to the woods). I'll share some photos with y'all of the recent beauty I've found there.

Recent Ramblings in the New Year

2009-01-10T13:35:00.001-04:00

There is much to say!
Over the break I went home to Ohio and then out to see the Vince. I have a camera again and hope to upload some photos soon. I've also done a lot of reflecting this week. I'll share with you two long rambles.

but first, my grateful list:
-the new year
-my dear, supportive Berea pals Jessa, Rene, Beth, Les and Drew among others
-music
-spending time with people
-my family
-Vince
-a few of the things that the Witwers said... in response to a question about how one might go about multiple 100 mile races "I just kept putting one foot in front of the other, sometimes it wasn't comfortable, but I just kept going"...also they frequently said "we're young yet, we'll learn"
-reflection
-healing, maybe that's what it is all about?
-sunny days, oh my soul is grateful!
-the unwavering and beautiful presence of the woods on Brushy Fork Creek
-having a job/volunteer position that is meaningful and pays my bills

Okay...now to the rants:
The first is in response to the play "Our Belongings" written by a Berea College student about date rape.
The second is a ramble about my heart in winter. I shared this with many of you over e-mail, but thought I may as well post it here also.

Happy New Year to all of you, may you find peace in healing your wounds (and those of others) this year.
You are loved!
Megan

In response to "Our Belongings":
Dear Christian, (the playwright)
I write you this letter after seeing your play last evening. The "talk back time" that was intended to stimulate conversation and reflection was helpful, but because my healing is a new process I was not able to articulate my feelings at that point in time. I am a survivor of molestation and rape. Both of the situations were isolated events, and still they are challenging to process. In the first case the incident was painfully reported without any resulting consequences. The message I gleaned from that series of events was that my voice did not have power in these matters. I share my story not in a search for sympathy, but rather a search for the healing nature of recovering my voice.

My perspective is from a person who has only recently recognized these situations for what they were. I would venture to say that if I had experienced more prolonged situations of similar oppression, I might have an even more difficult time speaking about them. Because these types of incidents often result in the survivor feeling without a voice, I wonder if other people in the audience were also unable to articulate their feelings at the time.

I appreciated that the play revealed the humanity in both the rape survivor (a term that I prefer to victim) and the person who committed the rape. My healing process has been as much about anger as anything else. In feeling angry about being raped, it is easy to condemn the man who was the perpetrator. However natural this one-sided line of processing is along the path to healing, it is but one place along that path and important that to me to continue walking through. In The Hidden Wound, Wendell Berry speaks of how the oppression of African Americans is a system that harms American white as well. Therefore, he argues, it is a system we all must work together to dismantle. I see a similar reality here. Both rape survivors and people who have committed rapes need to reclaim their humanity. In the newness of my healing, I ask myself what that work looks like. Is it by forgiving my perpetrator, and if so, how on earth would I start that process particularly as he is someone I do not have a way to contact? Is it by seeking community with other rape survivors and people who have previously committed rape? Is it by reflecting with my partner, who is working to be an ally in my healing? He is also unsure as well what this process looks like. I wonder if the MAARS and Venus groups on campus works to train allies. I also wonder who is providing the less popular, but perhaps necessary space for perpetrators to reclaim their humanity, and what does this process look like? If perpetrators could participate in the transformative work of speaking their truth by both admitting fault and recognizing that their humanity is deeper than that incident, might it be possible for them to become allies?

This brings me to reflect again on some of the comments that came up during the talk back time. The woman who worked at the Rape Crisis Center said to bring up an issue so culturally ingrained and to not take a stand is to further the normalization of such crimes. I agree. Also though, in my searching I can see that this provides an opportunity, or a space, for survivors to speak out. The effectiveness of this space depends on the survivors, who may, as I did, find themselves in an all too familiar struggle to speak up. I am also concerned that many people left immediately after the play without engaging in the group discussion. I recognize that this play was intended to be a spring board, a catalyst for audience reflection and discussion. Who is committed to continuing this conversation, and how might we do so?

In appreciation for providing a place for me to refocus my efforts to heal,
Megan
****

Onto the second ramble:

This I believe: In bundling up.

After leaving the grant writing course which I'm taking, and spending time thinking very hard about ways to use words with great command and purpose, I tend to find my mind seeking refuge—looking for, and finding, a more relaxed tone. Today, the third day of class, was no different in this aspect. We spend so much time editing, articulating, condensing writing that afterwards my mind lets out a sigh of relief similar to after meeting a large project deadline that has been looming for months.

When I left the Draper building the weather was not what would be described pleasant by most. We are going into our third overcast day in a row (I realize that three days isn't long compared to other places) and the rain had just turned to a light hail. Regardless of these conditions, my soul felt a certain amount of relief being outside. I believe in bundling up and going outside anyway. There's an indoor track that many people walk on for exercise. I have spent a few afternoons there myself, as well. But my preference still tends to be outside.

This winter I am again confronted by what may be un-diagnosed seasonal affectiveness disorder (SAD). Weather has the potential to impact my well being. At the same time I have been broadsided by the surprising pain and challenge of loving someone deeply. As Khalil Gibran would say, I weep from "too much tenderness" accompanying love and when I weep in sorrow, "in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight." After a week at home with family and then a week with Vincent's family returning to my single apartment felt more like a space of emptiness than a space for personal growth and empowerment as it had been before my vacation. After coming home from a community meeting of folks organizing a local home energy expo I found myself in tears over the idea of returning to what in better times I call my "little hobbit home" aka-my nestled basement apartment with a view of a backyard full of fruit trees. It was like when I first returned from my trip and found all recent new e-mails to be from environmental list serves to which I subscribe, rather than friends whom I hadn't seen. I must explain that what I felt was in reality an exaggerated loneliness because I had received e-mails and calls from friends over the break, but many of the friends who use my Berea account were still resettling in after the holidays themselves. However exaggerated the loneliness is, it feels real and it touches on a few things in my history.

The work-related distress hails from a repeat offense that I have historically committed. It is this: in pursuit of meaningful work (or at times its less meaningful, but equally doted upon relative: perfection) I can lose my priorities. All self-care goes out the window in favor of overtime and late nights. I continue to fall into the trap of using meaningful work as a place to find my purpose. In doing this, I forget that what I really want to do is choose love. Oftentimes my work is one outlet for this (Gibran says "work is love made visible"), but it is never the only outlet. After a long day of juggling complicated deadlines and tasks to complete and coordinate, coming home to an empty apartment makes me question my priorities. There is a fine line, however, as I often find energy to re-center myself in solitude, other times I feel desperately lonely. Recent sadness has been a helpful reminder to seek out balance in my work life. I should mention too that in deciding to live alone I knowingly took full responsibility for managing my time. After four years in intentionally communities, I wanted to know what my life would look like if I were in charge.

This recent loneliness also speaks to previous bouts of depress that I have experienced. These are most often correlated with winter, coincidentally or not. I know deeply that I have a community of friends that is spread around the country, which I can call should I forget that I am loved. Sometimes though, often in winter, I can't feel their love. After crying on the way home to my apartment last night I asked myself "when will I grow out of falling apart this way?" The answer I felt was one of acceptance. I have certainly "fallen apart" less frequently than in my younger years. Yet coming at the situation from that angle isn't helpful. Hoping to one day reach a level of inner-peace in which I never fall apart again doesn't acknowledge that it is these times of breaking down where I meet the seeds of new growth I hadn't yet imagined. So instead of boycotting, resenting, or reprimanding winter (seasonal or emotional) I instead choose to bundle up. Rather than praying for a cessation of hard times, I seek to listen for what I might learn. David Wilcox sings of this paradoxical value of loneliness, "when I get lonely, that's only a sign some room is empty, that room is there by design. If I feel hollow that's just proof that there is more for me to follow, that's what the lonely is for." While listening to my loneliness I can bundle up to make the experience bearable. I can stay over at a friends' place, I can take vitamin D to reduce winter blues and use my sunlamp daily, and just know when to call it a hard day. This naming of challenge is certainly evidence of growth compared to my history of handling depression. I believe that our biggest lessons in life are the ones we are repeatedly confronted with and given ample opportunity to re-work. We can get stuck in these or we can look at them as seasons, recognizing that hard times pass and there is beauty in what is.

Right now I'm learning that my priority of following what feels like my heart's work around the country might not be the only choice. There might also be importance in committing to this man who I could see as my partner (should he feel the same), and I might find relevant work near him. The situation is complicated further by my sense of home in Appalachia and my proximity here to my family. How any of this reconciles itself as a life-journey or decisions of where to go next remains to be seen, but there is wisdom for me to hold onto in this as well. Rilke says "...I would like to beg you dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer." Patience isn't easy for me. It requires strong believes that this too shall pass and that the present moment is worthy for its own sake, therefore what I experience now is a waiting worth accepting. Living the questions at this moment for me is about bundling up. Perhaps in the spring I might find direction, or maybe not that soon. "And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course," says Gibran. I pray for such worthiness.

RFK Jr. Testifies for Appalachia. Then, sadly, the Stream Buffer Zone rule change passed. Let's hope Obama brings change quickly.

2008-12-17T10:21:00.001-04:00

Mornin' y'all...
There's end-of-the-year reporting to be done for the grant that funds my position here.... but I couldn't resist passing this along. Visit to see RFK Jr.'s testimony about the worst environmental administration in this county's history:

http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2008/12/12/162650/87/852/672404

Quick grateful list:
-holiday baked goods exchanged in the office
-hot water
-clean water to drink
-farmers
-music at markets
-the contrast between darkness and light
-hope

a long question of the week....

2008-12-12T17:16:00.000-04:00

Hey folks,
In my current volunteer program we have online questions of the week that we answer... This week we actually had 16 questions, so it took a bit longer than usual. After spending all of that time on those questions, I thought I'd share 'em with y'all...

They are in response to the NY Times article "Close Encounter of the Human Kind"
http://www.nytimes.com/2005/09/18/magazine/18lives.html

What values do you associate with community activities?

I associate the values of empowerment and solidarity with community activities.

By empowerment I mean how common folks can be involved and participatory in helping themselves and about how important the concept of solidarity is in coming together in a way that acknowledges the struggle some members face.

What are your perceptions of the community you serve? What are the community's self-perceptions?

I wanted to first add a small disclaimer that I'm uncomfortable with the terminology of service. I do see my volunteer time as an opportunity for me to utilize my skills to support the community and it is my sincerest hope that they benefit from my work. However, I also know that it is mutually beneficial because I benefit through learning and gain enriching experiences.

To answer this question, I first have to define the community I work with. Primarily, I work with people in Madison County. However, the Energy and Empowerment group collaborates with other communities in Appalachia for projects in recognition that our electricity's impacts are beyond our county.

Because my work is supporting the collaboration of community groups working on energy, the members of the community who are very active tend to be the community members I see most. My perception of these residents is that they are committed to working for energy justice within the spheres that they feel most passionate about. They are empowered, they are speaking to the City Council and leading workshops for the greater community. However, the spectrum of people who I would consider myself "in service to" doesn't just include the leaders starting new non-profits to benefit low-income residents, but also those residents with a low-income. My perception of that portion of the community is that they are hardworking people who are unable to afford energy efficiency upgrades and least able to cope with unstable energy costs. They are people who are often living in sub-standard rental housing or trailers without insulation. It's true too, that many of these people are in generational poverty. Many of the residents in low-income situations in Madison County and around the state are being engaged in transforming the policies, infrastructure, assumptions, and behaviors that drive energy use in the region; and in this engagement gaining a more empowered self-perception.

What did you think of the doctor?

It sounds like the doctor is dedicated to service.

What qualities does the doctor possess?

The doctor is thoughtful and compassionate and that he recognizes the systems of oppression.

What did you think of the 70-year old patient? What qualities does he possess?

I think the doctor's description of the 70-year old patient's feet has a greater application and that he as a person has shown resilience in the face of the bigger problems mentioned (homelessness, disenfranchisement, and despair).

How did the patient's statements about Air Force One and refugees make you feel? Explain.

When the patient saw that the President was flying overhead, while he was waiting with his feet dangling in the water, to me it illustrates the disconnect between the rhetoric of the current administration and their actions.

What does the doctor mean by steeling himself, as if putting on armor? Do you ever do this?

When the doctor talks about steeling himself he means putting up emotional barriers so as not to be vulnerable to the suffering of his patients. I have done this to a certain extent in the past, particularly in my last volunteer position. As a caregiver for adults with developmental disabilities, at times it was necessary not to feel fully the anguish that residents were experiencing. I always felt solidarity, but to varying degrees. It was important for the emotional health of the caregivers that we have boundaries and did not take the expressions of anguish the residents felt personally.

In my current position I'm armored in the fact that I have more privilege than some members of the community. As long as I have more privilege than some members of the community I serve, I will not fully feel what they experience. I can be very personally invested in utility reform, etc, but if at the end of the day I return to a warm apartment there is a disconnect there. Now, I'm not saying that I think our volunteer group should make less money, but I think it's important to recognize our privilege.

How do we really know what others need?

In order to ensure that our service is relevant, we need to ask people what their needs are and work to engage them in working for the solutions.

How does a person learn compassion?

People learn compassion through their own wounds and through listening with an open heart. Though we may not have experienced disenfranchisement or despair to the degree that the members of communities we work with have, we can draw on our own experiences to get some idea of where folks are coming from; recognizing that there is a difference between the privilege of a college educated volunteer and a person living in involuntary poverty. We can also listen.

What makes us able to connect with others? What stands in the way?

What stands in the way of connecting with others are perceptions of prejudice and the corresponding stereotypes to those perceptions. We need to acknowledge that all people have unique experiences and bring something to the table because of where they have been. When we can name and acknowledge our prejudices we are closer to being able to connect with the people we are misperceiving and recognizing our shared humanity.

Is it more helpful to be attached or detached from the people we serve? Explain.

It is imperative that we balance the two. We must be attached enough to know the communities we work with and have a personal connection to the work we do. We must be detached enough not to be immobilized by the sometimes overwhelming nature of scope of poverty.

How does interacting with others help us to understand ourselves?

Our interactions with others can be a source of feedback for us about how effectively our intentions are forming our actions.

How much of a difference are we making in our communities when poverty is so massive and systemic?

This is a tough question. It's hard because it exposes the fact (which we all know) that we can make a difference in our communities without changing the systemic nature of poverty. Also true, is that difference in one community is something, however small. This is expressed by Sydney Smith, "It is the greatest of all mistakes to do nothing because you can only do a little."

How much of a difference did the doctor and the elderly patient have on each other in the face of a major disaster?

They may not have impacted the major disaster in their interaction. Nevertheless, interactions by individuals like them are the hands and feet of a movement towards serving individuals affected by the major disaster.

What does the doctor mean by "The willingness to be wounded may be all we have to offer"?

The doctor sees the central role solidarity has in service work. In being willing to be wounded, we may not lessen the hurt others feel, but our listening may help them recognize their own voice. In turn, that voice may speak the words to spark change.

How willing are you to be wounded?

I was drawn to this particular project because energy justice is something I feel connected to, and am open to being wounded by. It is my hope that my work exemplifies my connection to individuals, communities, and places impacted by energy injustices.

A short clip about Maytown

2008-12-03T11:28:00.001-04:00

Good mornin' :)

It has been beautiful thus far, I woke up just in time for the sunrise. A few notes from the Wilson Creek Lands Unsuitable for Mining Petition:

Miller Brothers Coal called the petition "frivolous". Apparently people wanting to protect their water supply is frivolous. People wanting to stay in their homes is a frivolous concern, according to coal companies. People not wanting to be subjected to flash floods from valley filled creeks with up to 52% more peak discharge; people who don't think an MTR site with frequent explosions belongs in the same holler as one of the largest natural gas lines in the nation; people who don't want their community to experience landslides--all of these concerns have been declared frivolous. At this point it boils down to Miller Brother's coal declaring the very people of Wilson Creek frivolous.

-Bill Cayler, President of KY Coal Association
The petition area is not fragile, it's very normal for Appalachia. "Although this land may be near and dear to the hearts of many attendants, it is not exceptional" MTR causes no permanent destruction, just temporary.

-Randy Wilson, Kentuckians for the Commonwealth member
"A lot here hinges on what is typical and what is exceptional." Appalachia is the most exceptional biodiverse area in the nation. Chief Red Cloud said, "they made many promises, but they kept only one. They promised to take our land and they did." There's one creek that is exceptional, there's a group of people who decided to stand up against it, that's exceptional. You have to decide, will you be exceptional or typical.

-Silas House, KY author
Grew up in an underground mining family. Wilson Creek is featured in his new work Something's Rising, in it Wilson Creek is introduced to a national audience. "The pursuit of happiness for Wilson Creek residents is not frivolous, the pursuit of happiness is in fact guaranteed to them in the US... Everywhere we go we have to defend this place, but we know as Appalachians that we have something special in this place" I come to you tonight as an American, an Appalachian, and a Kentuckian. When deciding, I ask you to remember you're all of those things too. If you wouldn't want this for your family, you only have one you can vote in good conscience.

Check out the trailer of a documentary being filmed about Appalachian Coal. Bev May and a few neighbors are in the clip:

http://peoplepower.blip.tv/file/355137/

In regards to Randy's comment, one quote of course comes to mind "I've never seen anything so beautiful or so ordinary." What is more beautiful and ordinary than Wilson Creek? What is more beautiful than a community that has lived in the same holler, called the same place on the earth home, for over 200 years? (In reflecting on this I, of course, note that Indigenous peoples have been removed from this same land. Let us not repeat such a history.) What has a more humble, ordinary beauty than the mountains in Appalachia? I've not found such a spot.

Grateful list:

-clean water to drink

-Community organizers of KFTC

-the bravery of Wilson Creek residents

-music, and quiet to fill with song

-chilly bike rides

-the staff I work with

-that the City of Berea just joined ICLEI! Hooray!

-my Shelby County family and our recent visit

-all people working for a more just energy future

Stream Saver Buffer Bill, also

2008-11-18T11:04:00.001-04:00

Hello again,
I just realized the deadline for signing the Stream Saver Buffer petition at I Love Mountains is November 23. Please check it out too if you get a chance!
Love!
m

http://salsa.democracyinaction.org/o/1741/t/6874/campaign.jsp?campaign_KEY=26041

Wilson Creek!

2008-11-18T09:54:00.001-04:00

Dear friends,

I know lots of y'all have heard me ramble on and on about Bev May's place in Eastern KY. The time to act to protect it has come! At this link you can learn more about the fight at Wilson Creek as well as sign a petition and get an address for letter writing, should you be so inclined. <http://www.kftc.org/our-work/canary-project/campaigns/wilson-creek>

This is the place that made me want to do this work. Please sign the petition before December 1st. This is an important case because the lands unsuitable for mining hearing (Dec. 1) will be filmed for a documentary, so your support not only helps this particular holler but is part of a larger fight against mountaintop removal. This is relevant not just because it tugs on your heartstrings but for many of you, your power comes from MTR. To find out where your power comes from visit: http://www.ilovemountains.org/myconnection/

Thanks y'all!

love,

megasus

reflections over a lunch break...

2008-11-13T14:36:00.001-04:00

And today I'm moved by many things. It was a rainy morning so I walked through the alumni fields to work, rather than riding my bike. Perhaps this slow start is something I should do more often. I'm still buzzing by the momentum of the work that people are doing around sustainability. Also, I'm very inspired by the group of folks who I met in the open space session who shared perspectives and goals about environmental justice.

On my lunch break today I went to the spiritual seekers gathering. The focus today was on the Baha'i faith. There were things I was surprised to learn. It was news to me that the Baha'i faith views homosexuality as a state of spiritual sin. This stands out particularly in contrast to the recent e-mail I got from RVUUC that they've just officially become a welcoming congregation. Also, this stands out to me in news of California's recent overturning of same-sex marriages. I find it so hard to believe that as a heterosexual I have access to marriage and the legal benefits thereof (even though I respect a variety of relationship models/arrangements which differ from mainstream culture) and my homosexual friends do not. I know that we, as a society, have a long way to go towards equality.

Another side note is that on my walk back to my office I was, as I always am, in absolute awe of the plants I saw. The ginkgo is in full color, about to drop leaves any day now and I saw many maples flaming red, even on this overcast day. I'm so moved by plants that I question my choice of work. I wonder if I ought to pursue something botany focused, agricultural, or something outdoors to pay my bills after this position. In the search for my vocation I wonder if I should seek that which brings me absolute joy (knowing that my allergies would be more aggrivated by outdoor work), or if I should seek the work that supports that which I'm most grateful for. I wonder what role my work should play in my life and to what degree it should be connected to my spirituality. I wonder if the best way I could show my appreciation would be work in environmental advocacy... potentially growing up to be some sort of a Lorax. Who's to say? Either way, I'm so grateful today for the blooming African Violet (it's the most bizarre one I've ever seen, it looks a lot like a Dr. Suess character) that is in my office.

...and this day of hope.

love to y'all,
m

ps-the grateful list:
-missy darling, and her recent visit which included a long rambling wander at the Pinnacle
-Environmental Justice pioneers and leaders such as Van Jones
-people everywhere who dedicate their lives to becoming catalysts for positive change, however they understand that (even the folks who have ideas about what positive means that contradict my own! I respect their passion)
-plants!!!
        -flowers that surprise me after a week out of the office
        -my giant asparagus fern with new shoots last week
        -the nearly popping bloom of the Christmas cactus in my room
        -the ordinary yet stunning beauty of Appalachia in the fall, particularly on this quiet rainy morning... with fall colors-peaked and peaking--and misty foothills
-clean water to drink
-continued access to food
-music, mason jennings song "darkness between the fireflies"
-the seasonal nature of it all... I'm grateful for the time I had with Vince as well as the time with the Boone St. kids (alix and eli)... and too I'm grateful for this new time of transition to different kinds of friendships with folks (here's to hopin' that we're all able to adjust to these new relationships and find balance that is fair to all involved).

Van Jone's speech

2008-11-13T12:49:00.001-04:00

Van Jones rocked the house... read notes from his speech here!

http://www.edcc.edu/afterwords/?p=198

Al Gore's energy plan...

2008-11-13T11:04:00.001-04:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/09/opinion/09gore.html?_r=1&partner=permalink&exprod=permalink&oref=slogin

Check it, y'all. Rad. The AASHE conference was really good, we are working to get them to support Environmental Justice work more as an organization... and that adventure has a fun little story that I hope to get around to sharin' soon. I'm at work right now, so I've got to skidattle.

more to come soon...
love!
m

ps-movin' party next weekend (Nov 22)! Woot!

Time Magazine Article

2008-11-06T11:18:00.001-04:00

Hey folks,

Here's an article in Time Magazine about recent direct action to stop a new Coal-Fired Power Plant.

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1856987,00.html

quick link from work...

2008-10-27T15:16:00.001-04:00

Hey y'all this link was just forwarded to me, I enjoyed it, and I think it's pretty thorough.
Love,
m

http://www.coal-is-dirty.com/welcome-clean-coal-body-slam

youch!

2008-10-26T00:08:00.001-04:00

This just in: Making pumpkin butter is a dangerous activity! I was just burnt on the face by some flying boiling pumpkin butter. I'm amused!

Overall, I'm well. I realized today that I'm in a time of transition here (which surprised me, for some reason) as I'm in an awkward spot working on campus, but no longer a student. It's not a big deal, but I'm tryin' to make friends who have similar schedules and who won't be graduating and leaving in May. For some reason I tend to underestimate transitions and the challenge they bring.

It's chilly here now, and we're scheming up interesting ways to cut down on our heating bills.... my favorite trick: boiling a quart of water and sleeping with a hot mason jar in my sleeping bag. Speaking of sleepin' bag, it's sure callin' my name.

grateful list:

-canning food

-sleep, and the nearness of it.

-vince, and the planning of a winter bluegrass visit

-A-town kids who keep tracking me down for chats

-greg brown "I've never seen anything so beautiful or so ordinary"

-health

-sunshine on fall evenings

-Tracy Chapman "I wanna wake up and know where I'm goin"

whew... a moment to breathe...I write to you on a slow rainy (finally!) morning in Berea

2008-10-16T12:21:00.001-04:00

Hey y'all,
   I'm excited to report that I plan to have a bit more free time for a few days! The Local Leaders on Climate Change event went well last night! We had anticipated 30 folks would attend, but we had over 50! It was crowded, and we ran out of chairs, and brochures. That's a really good problem to have (running out of brochures isn't ideal, but we gave out contact information so folks could e-mail us for an electronic copy).... Another good problem to have is the problem that creating an update for Madison County about Energy and Empowerment work is a huge job. Always, I feel fortunate to be in this position. I hope that other people are benefiting from my work at least half as much as I am. Admittedly, I do also feel pretty exhausted. After a 17 day stretch of working overtime and weekends, I'm finally slowing down with a nice big four day weekend. If I sound scattered, I am. I must extend thanks to the understanding of the loved ones in my life who have been accepting of the overtime and patient with the fact that I've put off much in order to prepare for last night's event.
    So what was the event all about? League of Women voters in Madison County <http://lwvbmc.org> won an Oxfam grant about climate change, which was used to bring in Amy Malick from the International Council of Local Environmental Initiatives <http://www.iclei-usa.org/> to speak to Bereans about what we could do locally to address climate change. We framed her presentation and conversation with information about the work happening in Madison County already... that's where I come in. In an attempt to connect the efforts of various groups in the county and to let folks know that this is, at this point, quite a movement already, I made a presentation about what action is already going on. It was not only an effort to inform the general public, but also city council folks (who had a greater turnout than we anticipated) to make a case that our local goverment should have the same committement that our citizens are already making to energy justice. We also heard from Sustainable Berea about their work on Transition Town Berea <http://www.sustainableberea.org/transition/index.html> . Amy was impressed by the work happening here, and surprised to see such momentum in a small town. If you're interested in joining our e-mail list-serve for the Energy and Empowerment in Madison County group leave a comment and I'll happily add you!
   Aside from that event, my work has also led me to the Kentuckians for the Commonwealth (KFTC) <www.kftc.org> annual meeting/conference. It was amazing. Talk about grassroots organizing. Upon arrival we registered and I hadn't been there a few minutes before someone saw my banjo and invited me to the porch jam. We sat in a group happily singing at the top of our lungs and half dancing too, surrounded by a circle of folks listening in rocking chairs. I've never experienced a better ice-breaker. Then I saw Bev, who I've mentioned often as the person who's work solidified my personal interest for MTR work. I recalled that on the botany trip we took to her place to help with their unsuitable for mining petition work her favorite song that we jammed to in the evening was "Wagon Wheel". So the jamming group of KFTCers played Wagon Wheel for Bev. It was a powerful moment for me. It felt that my heart had been there before. It was a feeling of finding a home in the seasons of life. Now I'm back to this place and working with Bev in a way that might be more effective than when I was just hiking with a group of folks lookin' for some plant that someone official would deem important enough to save the holler over. Now we're working really hard to get more folks involved in the May Town Lands Unsuitable for Mining Petition Hearing. The good news is that we've connected with a few classes/profs at Berea who are joining, and there are still promising connections to make. The moment of loudly singing wagon wheel to a smiling Bev filled me with such certainty that I'm where I ought to be right now. And at this very moment I'm listening to a cd I won at the KFTC silent auction by Daniel Martin Moore, titled Stray Age. The line "to go where you have been, to be where you are again, come be close and be rested" feels a lot like words my heart would have said right this instant. Other exciting news from the KFTC meeting Phil Thompson from MIT gave a great speech offering alternative ways of organizing as well as an explination about the causes of our current financial crisis. You can read notes at: <http://bluegrassroots.org/showDiary.do?diaryId=2322> And on the blog (for the next few days at least) <www.kftc.org/blog> are youtube clips from the talent show. The song I wrote about Shelby County is there, but even cooler there's a rap by Tanya, a poem by Patricia Bragg, and a song by Daniel Martin Moore.
    Anyone around here want to go camping for some of this weekend?    Hmmm... what else has been going on around here?... Well this weekend is the Berea College Appalachian Center's Celebration of Traditional Music, which promises to be great. I'm pretty slow moving. Today is the one year anniversary of Tom's death (Tom from L'Arche). I still am in such awe when I think about the beauty of his passage.

Grateful list:
-The Energy and Empowerment Mad. Co. group
-Daniel Martin Moore's music
-this rain, that we need
-the calmness of a slow day after being busy
-tomatoes
-priviledge of clean drinking water
-subtle, occasional confirmations from my heart that I'm where I ought to be
-love, even when it isn't easy
-fall in Appalachia

2008-09-25T21:17:00.002-04:00

Hello friends,
I think of so many folks so often and by the time my head hits the pillow at night I've missed more chances to tell folks that they are in my heart and on my mind.

This is what my days are like-I get up early, and it's chilly out with the sun peaking through fog. My commute is either a five minute bike ride (if I've slept too late) or a 15 walk to campus via a trail on the edge of a field. Most mornings the field is full of fog starting to burn off with orangey yellow sun rays coming through the line of trees in the middle of the field. It's a good way to start the day. Then I go to work where I feel like I'm being paid to be a student... minus the homework. My job has turned out to be combination community organizing as well as being a liaison between community groups and Berea campus folks. The theme of the grant I'm overseeing is "Energy and Empowerment" so we work with everything from groups organizing to help folks with a low-income weatherize their houses and lower their energy bills, to a Church group who wants to start a community solar panel project, and there is of course work to do to fight the Eastern Kentucky Power Cooperatives (EKPC) proposed new coal-fired power plant, as well as organizing to work to strengthen the unsuitable for mining petition at Bev's holler in May Town, Eastern KY. Finding out what is going on to save Bev's place (she doesn't own the whole holler, but she's got enough energy to organize around saving it), has been really meaningful, as the botany trip in the spring of '07 was one of the reasons I knew I wanted to take this job.

I feel like I'm taking a course in a lot of things:
-I get to learn more about community environmental and economic justice organizing
-I get to see how lots of community organizations function
-I'm learning the politics (surprise!) of being a staff member at a college
-In working with such a variety of groups through the collaborating Energy and Empowerment group, I get to see and essentially try out a lot of different levels/styles of activism and organizing...and it seems to me like it all matters, from the local environmental lawyer who uncovered the fact that EKPC is planning to borrow up to $700,000,000 from a bank in China with the hope that the US goverment will loan them money before they have to pay it back in full in five years-- to the man who says "yeah the photo-something kind of solar panel, that's what our church should look into"... all of us can take some steps to go from where we are to a different kind of future, we need an inclusive movement.

It's got me thinking too, about what I might consider the "daily sacraments" of simple living that I want to practice. Things like cooking with real food from farmers who I know, turning off lights, using little water, learning and noticing as many plants as I can, riding my bike or walking most places I go, making my own music and living in community. When I first started working for the SENS program at Berea College I was mostly interested in these, mostly curious about how I might lessen my environmental footprint. Now I feel like I'm not letting classes get in the way of my learning. I am getting to see a much bigger picture, and trying to understand how environmental work fits into the existing systems of power and privilege. There are times where I feel like I want to disregard all of the red tape etc. and slowness of organizing, times when I think maybe I'd rather do hands-on reclamation at Mountaintop Removal sites, or do direct action to stop the coal industry...times when I feel like environmental work is the highest priority and the current environmental crisis of global warming and peak oil have led us to total urgency...but I know that there is value in other kinds of service as well... I think my feelings of passion are a good indicator that I'm in the right place, but I've got to be careful not to let them give me a distorted sense of importance. Right now seems to me like a time of learning. A time of contributing as a facilitator of collaborations and taking more in than I'm used to. I know it's in some ways ridiculous, but most every day I come home from work and feel so energized that my housemates hear everyday how much I love my work.

okay...enough of the update... here is what I'm grateful for:
-having the ability to read
-being on a College campus and going to the events hosted there
-a place to sleep, and rent I can afford
-clean water
-the privilege to do another AmeriCorps year
-a three day weekend in Shelby County (in time for harvestin' things)
-asthma medicine
-reuniting with old friends after a year
-praying with Beth
-paw paw fruit
-tomatoes, and their long season

shucks!

2008-08-10T16:58:00.001-04:00

Oh my! My return to the bluegrass has turned out like this:

We came from the airport and went out to Jessa's mom's little farm house. Then I remembered that there are amazing stars here, and I saw fireflies again too! Then I went to Beth's house and we chatted before turning in early. This mornin' I had a great sleep in and then went out on Owsley Fork Reservoir with Jessa and Nathan in their canoe. Later we got a little summer storm and then returned to humidity... it sure feels good to be back!

grateful list:

-Kentucky!

-the res (with the tiny little mountain church)

-jessa and her mama bein' my welcome to KY committee

-knowing that I'll see my family really soon

-farms

-weather that is wild (more than just raining or sunny)

-summer (they have that around here)!

-looking forward to hearin' from the sulans what their moves have been like

-the vince, although I sure miss him

in a big orange empty room..

2008-08-09T06:34:00.001-04:00

Here goes nothin! I'm about to leave for the airport... but first I must water the garden and mop the kitchen... so this is tiny... just a note to let y'all know I'm on my way-headin' back to KY!
shucks!
love,
m

hmmmm....

2008-07-25T21:51:00.001-04:00

Well here I am... Friday, July 25th 6:45 pm....

I'm about to leave to see Vincent before he leaves for his bike trip. It's hard for me to wrap my head around the idea that the next time I'm in this room, he will be gone from Seattle. I will perhaps be trusting that he will visit in Kentucky if it is right... or maybe I'll be sad when I return to this room. Anticipating uncertainty.

The garden is well, I'm thankful for the early spring sewing... because if it had required lots of work lately it would be in worse shape...

Not much longer in Seattle... also hard to believe...

well shucks transitions... they are somethin'.

I bet you had guessed that there has been a lot since my last posting... there has... sorry for the slowness! Bub, Linda, Rosie, Missy, Eli, Corrie, and Alix all visited. I went to Chuck E Cheese's on my birthday. It has been sunny! Went campin' for the 4th of July with L'Arche friends, KY kids, and Vincent. Went campin' again for the last LVC retreat. Ate our first zuc. of the year.

grateful list:
-music!
-class conversations
-love, even if it rambles...
-gardens
-an accepting congregation at the UU (who I hope will like my sermon on the spirituality of Botany this Sunday... even though I'm not as prepared as I would like to be)
-clean water to drink
-public transportation

2008-07-04T01:44:00.005-04:00

Sula house!
lunch... I prefer a pb&j... but ya know...
starfish!

self portrait...
For Paigers.

it's about time for me to do that again too...

I love the way this one sparkles.

hi there :)

2008-07-04T00:15:00.001-04:00

NPR story on health care:

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=91972152

Hello folks :)

Recent times have been oh-so-delightful! Last night there was a real live thunderstorm (in Seattle!) and a bluegrass jam with a next door neighbor who clogged to it. Corrie and Ba are here... they'll be back to Sula soon bringing Eli as well. Then Vincent will get here at some point and in the mornin' we'll leave with L'Arche friends for a weekend camp out... instruments included! It was intense to have my Berea kids here with my Seattle friends... it was suddenly apparent (more so!) that I'm really leaving and I know where I'm going. It will be hard to leave.

...also something I must rave about is Burgerville! http://www.burgerville.com/ Check it out... it looks like fast food, but it's local! Their wiki article: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burgerville,_USA ... I cried I loved it so much :) Then we wrote a song about burgerville... I'll share it soon perhaps.

Thanks to folks who sent well wishes when I was sick! I think y'all have healed me on up.

Grateful list (maybe too much for words!?)

-the camping trip to come

-the jam session/potluck last night

-Corrie and Ba visiting

-airport dates (they'll rock your socks off!)

-that fella, who's real sweet to me

-WELLNESS!

-gardens

-clean water

-my bi-cycle

-the intensity and learning from transitions

this is actually a severe weather alert... it will be sunny this weekend in the northwest!

2008-06-27T01:40:00.001-04:00

...HOT WEATHER ACROSS WESTERN WASHINGTON THIS WEEKEND...

A STRONG RIDGE OF HIGH PRESSURE WILL BUILD OVER THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST FRIDAY THROUGH THE WEEKEND. TEMPERATURES ON FRIDAY WILL BE NOTICEABLY WARMER ACROSS WESTERN WASHINGTON UNDER SUNNY SKIES. OFFSHORE FLOW WILL STRENGTHEN OVER THE WEEKEND WITH MUCH HOTTER TEMPERATURES EXPECTED. SOME SPOTS MAY FLIRT WITH RECORD HIGH TEMPERATURES...ESPECIALLY LOCATIONS AWAY FROM THE WATER.

TEMPERATURES ON FRIDAY ARE EXPECTED TO RANGE FROM THE 70S ALONG THE COAST TO THE UPPER 70S AND 80S INLAND. ON SATURDAY AND SUNDAY MOST AREAS SHOULD REACH INTO THE 80S...WITH SOME LOW TO MID 90S POSSIBLE. IT IS POSSIBLE THAT A FEW SPOTS COULD APPROACH OR BREAK THE RECORD HIGH TEMPERATURE FOR THE DAY.

MARINE AIR WILL ARRIVE AT THE COAST MONDAY BRINGING COOLER TEMPERATURES. HOWEVER...IT MAY TAKE A COUPLE DAYS FOR TEMPERATURES TO MODERATE OVER INTERIOR WESTERN WASHINGTON.

EXCEPT FOR THE SHORT HOT SPELL IN MID MAY...IT HAS BEEN COOLER THAN NORMAL THE LAST COUPLE MONTHS. THIS WILL BE A RATHER ABRUPT TRANSITION TO HOT WEATHER. BE CAREFUL OF THE HEAT IN THE COMING DAYS AND CHECK UP ON THE ELDERLY. STAY HYDRATED AND AVOID VIGOROUS ACTIVITY DURING THE HEAT OF THE DAY. NEVER LEAVE PETS IN A PARKED CAR.

video...

2008-06-26T10:18:00.001-04:00

So... uh the video upload didn't work... I'll try again later... :)

love,

2008-06-26T03:18:00.003-04:00

This is that boy I've been talkin' about... he's a good one, that Vincent. We're going to Portland this weekend to hang out with his sister. I'm sure it will be a lovely change of pace.

Sorry no video of Melvin and I, she was feelin' shy about her first performance. She did a great job though, and now she can't hide her voice! I'm glad that other church folks will try and get her to open mics too. If you're really excited about it all, my friend Chris is making cds of the open mic as well as my (and other folks') sermon about Caring for the Dying. I'd be glad to share them with anyone interested.

love to y'all!

grateful list:

-music, friends of all sort who sing with me

-accupuncture

-really good sleep

-the great community of friends that has sprung up here in Seattle... it feeds me

-hearing from old friends

-clean water

-the arboretum

-blooming tulip poplars

-cartoons... this morning one had a woman standing in front of an informational kiosk. The only information there were the words "You are here". I loved it.

-learning

2008-06-19T02:44:00.002-04:00

...and what you thought you came for
is only a shell, a husk of meaning
from which the purpose breaks

-T.S. Elliot

2008-06-17T13:35:00.000-04:00

well shoot... here it is 6am already...

2008-06-17T09:27:00.001-04:00

So... I've not slept in 12 days and this past night was my final evenin' on asthma meds that keep me up... Hooray! I know I'm overdue for an early morning reflection... so here I am... I've been out on the porch since 4:45am, couldn't sleep... and thank goodness. The morning has been beautiful. Cloudy yes, but cozy. The birds started in just after 4 and the rooster down the road not long after. I'm overcome with appreciation for this day. Since I've already surfed the internet to my heart's content, watched every movie I wanted to see, and read until I couldn't focus in the past 11 nights, this one was just for reflecting.

I've learned a lot this year! Shoot! I can't even sum it up, but for some reason feel obligated to make an attempt....

-I've gotten to have space to create my own spiritual routines and rituals, and this has been greatly supported by RVUUC, I am so so so grateful for that congregation. Solstice means a lot to me...and here we are, near the summer one already... what a crazy world this is that turns on itself and these seasons that spin us so.

-as I've said before-I'm a country mouse, and I actually (much to my surprise!) have roots back east....

-Life is probably all about healing.

-Music is in this heart of mine, and a music community is a necessity in my life.

-I didn't outrun my asthma. It turns out that's one I'll have to accept and work with... okay. I've got some work to do in this area but I'm glad it's out.

-I've had some bad experiences with fellas in the past... all of which have taught me something... for which I am grateful... but I learned recently that there is some healin' to do in this area.

-song writing is some kind of magical thing... I'm not sure if I'll have kids or not, but shoot if I can just write songs and grow a garden it might work out anyway. I've been delighted by the new form of reflection and how lyrics unfold over time... I didn't even realize what I was talking about half of the time... and then all of the sudden, it means something different.

-"Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." -Howard Thurman...and what makes me come alive is environmental work... so I'm off to go do it!

-When I look back, I wanted to join LVC to do some kind of service and let the world get some use out of me while I wasn't sure what to do with myself. This is exactly what has happened. Heck yesh!

-Love calls like the wild birds.... If you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.
Kahlil Gibran
The Prophet, On Love.....umm...I can't even tell the details of this silliness that has come over me... but I'm grateful for wild hearted people wondering into my life....and no, I don't understand the timing of things like this... but maybe I don't care.

....well that is my grateful list... love to y'all

megs

2008-06-17T03:07:00.003-04:00

Here's a photo from a really great date.... sandwiches at the docks courtesy of Vincent. I was on my way to giving him the thumbs up when he snapped this one. Notice on the orange we have a three pronged schizocarp that we brought down to the water with us... for good luck of course.

The sandwiches! Enough said.

grateful list:
-sunshiney days
-salad from our garden tires for dinner (picture to come soon....) with sun tea too
-health, and its return
-coming soon--sleep!
-folks takin' care of me while I've been sick
-this bearded boy who visits me to sing to me and tell me his stories... :)
-music
-clean water to drink from a camelback because I'm lazy
-intuition
-butterflies!
-Iron and Wine's song "Resurrection Fern"

2008-06-13T12:48:00.002-04:00

I figured since I can't sleep... or go to work these days... may as well post a few old photos...
Melvin and I after running through the fountain at Folklife.
Cool bluegrass band at Folklife... I won't tell ya their name, because it would make you blush!
"Sandwich Anything" hair salon... she looks happy... I look like I'm up to no good....
At folklife there were little kid puzzles and melvin and I found Melissa and Megan ones.

Rosemary and I had chocolate covered cherries... remembering when we met three years ago at CCAT and borrowed a ladder to pick stranger's cherries in Arcata.
There's a movie called Meg coming out... you should look it up...

This is the prettiest porch I ever picked on at Holden Village.

Here's Melvin and I on Easter... I think I told y'all about this already...

a short little snip-it

2008-06-08T01:44:00.001-04:00

Just saw this link on NPR, it is a This I Believe story "Our Vulnerability Is Our Strength" by a man who is as assistant for adults with developmental disabilities... it sure rings a bell...

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=91244099

the grateful list:

-musical potlucks! I think our living room had the best day of its life yesterday! There were three banjos, an accordion!, one mandolin, a flute, two guitars, on fiddle, a kazoo, lots of voices, and one pair of dancin' shoes...it was dreamy (pictures to come soon-ish if I can talk Sarah into sharing hers)

-baked oatmeal with mangoes, figs, and nectarines and nectarine cobbler for breakfast

-visitors! Rosemary, Eli, Bub and Linda

-sleep, all three hours of it

-my sleeping bag

-clean water

-Thelma, my friend from Berea who I hope to play music for again

-plants... even when it's cloudy for a long while they remind me there was (and will be again) sunshine

heck yes!

2008-06-06T14:05:00.001-04:00

Hey folks,

Just a short message to tell y'all I've officially accepted the Energy Empowerment in Appalachia AmeriCorps position, woot! I'll be back in the bluegrass this August :)

love,

ps-so that means y'all need to get ready for a rip-roaring bluegrass house-warming party!

2008-06-03T15:00:00.003-04:00

I almost forgot to post this.... I'm not sure how many friends in Seattle read this, but just in case I forgot to tell any of y'all you're invited to come hear a sermon that I'll be a part of at church:

June 15 10:30 am
Facing the Light in the Dark — Giving Care to the Dying
Chris McEwen and friends

Hear from several individuals who by chance or occupation have given care to someone who is dying or facing serious illness. Giving strength to someone who is weak, finding joy on the road to loss, saying good-bye, and moving on to care again — these are mysteries that Chris McEwen, Megan Bott, Shae Brennan, Angelee Dion, and Megan Naseman will shine a little light on from their own experiences.

For more info or directions visit our website at http://www.rvuuc.org/

...and a small p.s. that I'll be giving a sermon all by myself July 27th on "The Spirituality of Botany"... and for folks not familiar with the Unitarian Universalist Church, it's not like most churches. Sermons aren't about the one way to live your life, but more so about one piece of one person's spiritual journey that they'd like to share. While I'm at it you're also invited to our open mic:

CHALICE PALACE
Performing Arts Coffeehouse
Friday, June 20 at 7:30 pm
It’s your last chance this year to join fellow arts enthusiasts at RVUUC’s performance venue for all aspects of the creative arts. Grab a bite at the Juneteenth party in the backyard, then come share your poetry, song, stories, and other art in a supportive space. Invite your friends! All ages welcome. Performance sign-up is in the great room at 7:30 pm. Chalice Palace is a fundraiser for the music program, and donations are gratefully accepted. (but not required if you're a volunteer!)

2008-06-02T11:38:00.009-04:00

Hello friends!

I've been slow on the postin' because it's sad not to have pictures... but since I am just about to talk your ear off about plants anyway, I decided I'd just add photos of them. It is a good time for flowerin' trees around these parts. When I walk around the neighborhood I work in I can find (all in bloom, mind you) Empress Tree (Paulownia tomentosa):

Which I've noticed smells like cherry cough syrup (the Empress Tree flowers, that is). You can find this tree on the corner of Harrison and 17th, as well as in the arboretum when you leave the visitor's center area and walk toward the docks etc. It is just on your left after you cross the road (way before you get to the bridge that smells like goat cheese).

On my walks I also see flowering buckeye and horse chestnut trees (Aesculus sp.) There is a good one on the corner of 17th and Aloha, as well as a bunch of 'em along 18th between Thomas and Madison. The buckeye tree is of course the Ohio state tree, and reminds me that I'll be seein' the familia again soon (within their native range--Shelby County).

Bub and Linda stopped by Seattle this weekend on their way home from their honeymoon. Eli, the ol' SENS housemate (and future housemate next year) is also out here he's doing an SCA internship out on Vashon Island. We all went canoeing in the Arboretum and were surrounded by the fairy-tale like cottonwood fluff along with these wild yellow irises. It was a delight! It reminded me of Peter Mayer's line from his song "The Play":

"When I try to grasp the simple fact of this existence And think of all the fantasies and fairytales and wishes None strike me as more unlikely or magnificent than this is "... how funny it is we were all out here in this far corner of the country, from which none of us hail. If you're in the Seattle area, I recommend a canoe trip in the arb here's the link: http://depts.washington.edu/ima/IMA_wac.php#wac

Also on the Capitol Hill walks I find one beautiful blooming Tulip Poplar (Liriodendron tulipifera). Which is the tallest tree in the Eastern decidious forest and the state tree of Kentucky (and Indiana, I believe). This fine tree is located on the corner of 16th and Aloha, and it is a Seattle Heritage tree.

So, this musician Peter Mayer is friends with David Wilcox and produces equally touching/cheesy folk music. I, of course, love it!

Here's his website:

http://www.petermayer.net/

Another song of Peter Mayer's that has been very much on my heart in recent times is "Coming Home" (for obvious reason!):

When trees are turning

Chimney smoke is curling

Fallen leaves are swirling

I’ll be coming home

When geese are wending

Apple branches bending

When the summer’s ending

I’ll be coming home

When Autumn’s first frost

Glistens on the corn stalks

The bales of hay and sweet squash

I’ll be coming home

And hill and meadow

Are crimson, rust and yellow

When the fruits of August mellow

I’ll be coming home

CHORUS: And rest will greet me

Love will receive me

And joy, like a deep red wine

Fill my heart

I have been trodding

The furrowed fields of summer

Footsteps heavy under

The seeds I’ve come to sow

When some have sprouted

And I have hoped and doubted

And every bushel’s counted

I’ll be coming home

CHORUS

Nights will be cold then

Foxes in their holes then

Skies awaiting snow when

I’ll be coming home

When hearths are burning

Tables set with sterling

I will be returning

*****

...and I suppose I should probably explain that a bit, just in case I haven't chatted to you recently. I'm about 98% sure I'll take the Berea AmeriCorps position of Energy Empowerment in Appalachia. I'm just waiting to hear back what my insurance premiums will be (I'm staying on the same plan)... if I can afford them, it will be a done deal! Along those lines of Berea dreamin' Eli, Alix and I will be rentin' a house formerly rented by Nathan and Martina. It has a back yard (and garden!), a front carport--which will serve well as a front porch, and three bedrooms. We're going to hang a sign that we are not giving tours (after three years in the SENS house... it is perhaps about time). Cool random news-Eli was interviewed by Sierra Club for an article about demonstration homes to come out in a fall issue of their magazine. Just for the heck of it, I found old pictures of Eli and Alix (aka: Ba, Ba-child)... Alix:

And below is Eli, pointing toward our house... well actually, just pointing... but let us pretend...

So, that is the update these days... I'll be in Seattle for a little more than two months before I head on home to the bluegrass (with a quick stop in O-hi-a). Oh yeah, I guess there's one other thing... it's pretty funny actually... so last year about this time I was laid up on crutches after the half marathon because of a stress fracture. Well, this year I do not disappoint... turns out in a bike accident a while ago I fractured my shin bone (woopsy-doodle!)... The bone has since healed up just fine (said the x-ray folks) but there is some tissue damage and a smidge of pain after things like African or Contra dancing. Fret not my friends--it will only hold me back from a few backpackin' trips and nothing more. Ha!

Oh, and of course there is a garden update to share: The nasturtium is going off like crazy, as are the tators. We're doing a potato tire stack to save space and use those tires we've been collecting (from sources we will not reveal). A more detailed description can be found at http://www.43things.com/things/view/1072020/grow-potatoes-in-a-tire-potato-stack ...but the gist of it is this--plant seed tators (tators cut to divide the sprouting eyes and then allowed to dry out for a week or so to prevent rotting after they are planted) in a tire. When their sprouts grow to 8 inches add another tire and fill with dirt/compost. Keep doing this until the sprouts go to flower, at which point they'll need less water and are about to ready to harvest.

We've now got 9 or 10 mators planted (assorted varieties). I planted one of the mators in an old crock-pot found by the road. I rigged up a wicking system using old medical tubing from work and the technique I learned from Marcus, Carolyn, and Haley (when I visited their ecovillage in Australia).

We've got a few tires of salad mix. We're getting one salad a week, big enough to feed the whole house of seven.

Our mint for tea tire is doing well. Our one little chard plant is as bright as it is happy. Our basil is alright, but the leaves look like they want sun just about as bad as the rest of us (and who can blame them?).

I think that's everything as far as the garden goes... more to come.

...and last but not least the grateful list:

-water (surprise!)

-music (FYI-musical potluck/jam session at Sula house this Friday night!)

-visitors (please give a shout out if you are in the area)

-plants, especially flowering ones

-canoeing

-gardens

-sleep

-silent time

-A Course in Miracles and Eckhart Tolle

-all who have shared their heart with me and those yet to share

-this moment.

2008-05-17T10:31:00.002-04:00

I know why spring in Seattle is the best thing ever... finally there is sun again! I was out last night bare-feet dancing at a bluegrass show then biking home until quite late in the night (for me at least). And now it is 7am and the sun is peaking through my window. I'm really close to just calling it a mornin' and getting out in the garden. There are tomatoes ready to be transplanted, potatoes ready to be planted, and calendula and merigolds ready to go in the ground too... hooray! This weekend is amazing, already. It is sunny and full of music. Last night there was a great show that I found out about from this fella I met in the Arboretum. Today I'm going to busk at the street fair in the u-district, then go see Mason Jennings, Brett Dennen and Missy Higgins... then on Sunday I'm playing my song "Blackberries" as the prelude at church and Sunday night is the monthly songwriters group I go to. All good things....and rounding it out with a morning in the garden might just be the best thing ever! It seems like my perfect day of garden+music+outside time keeps happening. Sorry no pictures my camera died (not just the batteries) Maybe I'll get it looked at next month. But love to all in the meantime!

Grateful list:
-my overnight at L'Arche, seeing the whole day with folks was really great
-music!!! This weekend is so full of it! This is one of the bands that I saw last night http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=114224068 check them out!
-clean water to drink
-this morning!
-sunshine!
-food, it's really a miracle
-biking around in the sun
-laughter
-barefoot dancin'

2008-05-11T11:08:00.002-04:00

Here it is, Mothers' Day... My little mama sure is a good one. It's helpful to remember that life really is just on journey of healing. I only say that because it can be easy to think that your past led you to where you are, but the truth is you are where you are... that matters more than how you got there sometimes. BUT I do want to thank my mama, who is one of the most giving people I know. That's no joke. I want to grow up and give like her. So THANKS mama!

At a formation (the weekly spiritual training at L'Arche) we had to describe our favorite day. I said mine has a formula: eatin' garden food, being outside, making music, and having a bit of quiet time to myself... this day has been recreating itself a lot lately. Last night we had a beautiful potluck and jam here at Sula. Below is the first harvest from Sarah's garden. I have to admit, I've been snacking on the lettuce in ours in a most un-ritualized way. I couldn't really help it, when I nap in the area just near our lettuce. :)

Now, I know you're not going to believe this, but Sarah I went on our usual weekend hike, this time to Redmond Watershed Preserve. We found 54, yes 54!, 4 leaf clovers. Then we got to smell skunk cabbage! It was such a perfect day.

Here's a picture from Mt. Baker beach... it is certainly a favorite local spot. If you visit, it is a must see.

I appreciate this poem, it is one of Sarah's favorites, and I think y'all might like it to. I love that it speaks to the beauty in this fallible world.

***

Song For Baby-O, Unborn Sweetheart

when you break thru

you'll find

a poet here

not quite what one would choose.

I won't promise

you'll never go hungry

or that you won't be sad

on this gutted

breaking

globe

but I can show you

baby

enough to love

to break your heart

forever

Diane DiPrima

****

Oh yeah... about that KY job, well my heart is nearly sold on it entirely. I'm waiting to hear back about the health insurance. I just feel really led to work on Energy Empowerment in Appalachia... it is something that runs pretty deeply in me. I've been really surprised at how it feels.... making this decision... you always hear from people about love and life work that "you'll know when it is right, you will just feel it"... and I have never felt so internally led to something as I do to this position. Berea gave me so much, and among it was a connection to that land. I really want to give something back to it.

Grateful list:
-my mama!
-morning prayer
-plants
-tire gardens
-music, music, music!
-garden food
-Josh Ritter's line from a song "oh the heart has no bones you say so it can't break, but the purpose of loving is the pounding it takes"
-slow Sundays
-Sarah's friendship (and fake-dating)

Kentucky?

2008-05-06T01:45:00.001-04:00

Hey dear folks,

just a short note to let y'all know that I might be headin' back east next year...? Not sure yet, but I'm interested in a position in little ol' Berea. I'm also interested in an outdoor ed gig in Ohio, and another in Arcata... and another year or so of L'Arche?... It reminded me of working in the garden yesterday, transplanting little lettuce plants out of a tire that was too full to a patch we tilled up near the fence. In pondering this, my prayer for the day is such:

****

Dear heart,

Please before you prune out the little starts, the tiny sprouts, the baby seedlings, all reaching for the sun, all competing for the limited resource of your life... please before spacing out your garden--take stock that there is a great deal blooming here. There is. So on this day when it is too soon to decide which plants to water, let it all bloom.

****

...and tomorrow I go one day farther in the sorting out of my seedlings with a phone interview for the Energy Empowerment in Appalachia position at Berea. So, goodnight to y'all.

grateful list:

-more than one opportunity to choose from

-gardens

-my seester, Missy Suzanne

-the funny messages on my answering machine telling me to move back to Berea "for the Saturday night jam sessions"

-lettuce plants

-midnight phone calls across time zones to wake up a friend and say "Hey, I might take this job...and it scares me!"

-the return of sun this spring

-bike ridin'

-clean water to drink

-photography, writing, and music all things that aim to capture something beyond themselves

-this one wild life!

2008-05-01T02:02:00.000-04:00

2008-05-01T01:57:00.000-04:00

campin :)

2008-04-25T18:51:00.001-04:00

Hello there,

Just a joyful announcement of camping tonight at Bainbridge Island with Sarah... we're taking our packs on our bikes, ridin' to the ferries and then to a campsite on the island... :) Just excited about it! ...but the sunshine is callin' me out right now so I must go.

love

grateful list:

-Eckhart Tolle's book that was given to all of the assistants at our meeting today

-Barbara Kinsolver's Animal, Vegetable, Miracle ... quotes to follow some day soon...

-sign language class

-clean water

-music-Sarah just got a banjo, and I'm delighted to have another friend in the area who will be pickin!

-the song "Ella Mae" by Greg Brown. On his tribute album his daughters cover it. It's no shocker why a song sung by three sisters about redwings returning tugs on my heart after hugging my sisters and seeing redwings last week in Ohio. It's what I'm learning on the banjo right now. It speaks of the nature of families and life in the country and all things simple and wonderful therein.

-a working bike! it makes this bike campout possible, heck yeah!

-Our little garden! I just planted some green onions last night. The update is: we've got a tire of mint for tea, some mint clippings growing roots, one little broccoli, our salad greens are happy little things and we've got another tire for them too. Our basil wasn't happy with the cold, so we plan to buy a few small plants for that tire. Our 'mators are growin' too, but they're still inside so we can pamper them. Later this weekend we've got plans for starting our potato tire stack and planting nastertum. We're having a garden party on the 4th and we hope to move some of the native blackberries beside the house out to our front patio patch. In other exciting plant news-the bedbug extermination didn't kill all of our houseplants! Some are bouncing back, hooray!

Happy almost Earth Day! May you find healing in the out of doors, enough so to motivate you to work to reciprocate that.

2008-04-13T03:46:00.001-04:00

Greetings friends,

I'm writing at the end of a day full of moving things, during a weekend that feels euphoric with sunshine and warmth in this rainy city. On Friday after work I went and busked outside of the DMB concert and was pleasantly surprised by the response to my first street performin' of the season (and I am of course a bit rusty!). Then today was full of sun as well as heart and thought provoking events. In the early afternoon I went to see His Holiness, the Dalai Lama. (to see more about the Dalai Lama's visit to Seattle check out http://www.seedsofcompassion.org/ ). His words were regular and down to earth, beautiful and ordinary, but the energy of a stadium full of people coming together to open our hearts, was so moving. Then Melvin and I went to the Green Festival (http://www.greenfestivals.org/content/view/767/390/ ) and listened to Mark Anielski talk about Genuine Progress Indicators (as opposed to the GDP). You can read more about this at http://www.rprogress.org/sustainability_indicators/genuine_progress_indicator.htm . His talk was also beautiful, talking about the spirituality behind the environmental movement (in some sense) and what we really value in this life. Another exciting thing about the green festival was the food samples! Melvin and I brought home some of the "compostable" dishware to see how long it takes to break down in our worm bin, heck yes! We also found out about and signed up to volunteer with Cool State-Washington, a program that seeks to address Global Warming on a state level. They are a cool bunch of folks (pun intended!) http://www.coolstatewashington.org/ Such excitment around sustainability makes me long for Berea and SENS again... and Arcata as well.

Another provocative thing that has been on my mind (and the fact that this is only on my mind some of the time shows my white privilege) is race. An article in Colors Northwest Magazine provided a perspective on environmental involvement that I hadn't thought much about. You can read that article at http://www.colorsnw.com/cover_story.html . These are the lines that stood out to me in the article as eye opening (or particularly succinct:

"'People of color care about environmentalism, but they might not care much about the environmental movement because the environmental movement hasn't shown to care much about them,' Bonta says. Part of the problem is that many mainstream environmentalists and organizations have focused the movement's efforts on the 'natural' environment, or the outdoors. This focus marginalizes and excludes other more-urban environments and the people who live in them."

"The "Six Sins of Greenwashing" – a study published in December 2007 by TerraChoice Environmental Marketing – found that 99 percent of 1,018 common consumer products were guilty of "greenwashing" their image, including "energy efficient" appliances, "organic" beauty products and "natural" clothing. All of the mixed messaging about what's truly "green" can lead to over-consumption of products that are impacting the environment in negative ways. In terms of waste reduction, the truly "green" products are the ones people don't buy."

...And another article in the same issue is about youth getting outdoors http://www.colorsnw.com/youth_outdoors_april08.html ...and a section that I found poignant:

"Often people of color don't imagine themselves as belonging to or enjoying nature. One reason is the lack of images and depictions of people of color outdoors in popular media and culture. There are rarely any people of color in magazine ads for outdoor recreation, for example. Another reason is the negative historical relationships that some people of color have with the land in the United States. The impact and memory of oppression creates a barrier for people to see themselves in the environment."

...All this Earth excitement and I'm about to travel home to see family. I, of course, feel silly, ironic, and hypocritical to travel so much. It is certainly my environmental vice. Interestingly, I think it's a pretty common one for folks who otherwise try to lead a really green life. I do realize too that I'm in this program for a year, and may or may not always be such a distance from my family...and too that I am very privileged to have family who can afford to bring me home to visit them...and also that I miss 'em and am pretty darn excited to see folks!

On a different note entirely, I have been thinking a lot about how distance has given me perspective enough to really understand where I came from (well, more so at least). This perspective, from being more "on my own" than I have before, has also taught me a lot about whom I came from, and which parts of me were learned (or maybe handed down genetically) from my parents. Overall, I'm just really humbled by the fact that at my age, my mom and dad were parents already and embarking in a life of parenthood (translation: sacrifice, commitment, responsibility). I can't imagine what that would be like.

On yet another note, our garden in used tires is coming along nicely. I've been pleasantly surprised at the response of my housemates.

Our next community night is going to be our garden and yard work dreaming/schemin'/brainstorm night. And too I'm excited that Sarah will be coming over to play in our garden as well as the crowd of Seattle University folks (and other random folks) that she knows who want to get their hands dirty. It's so wonderful to see our odd little yard be changed into something that gathers people and (we hope) grows us some good eats and pretty flowers.

...and another random note- Sula is corn free this week. (read more about why we were interested in this at http://www.kingcorn.net/ )We wanted to see how much food corn is in by going without it (and it's a lot!). We wanted to acknowledge the high cost of cheap food (like a market flooded with corn so much so that for Guatemalans, for whom corn is sacred, it is unaffordable). We hoped to use our privileges of having a) enough money to buy more whole foods and b)enough time and energy to prepare them, for good use. For most of us it turned out that our home diet stayed mostly the same, we ate our homemade granola and bread and dinners were mostly the same too. What changed was our eating habits at work. I'm certainly not saying that our diet as a house is perfect, but that I'm pretty happy with it overall. I don't think that the week of corn-free eatin' has much of a concrete effect (as far as our grocery dollars, it was only one week!)... but I think it has helped raise our awareness about the topic.

And finally, the evenin' was topped off with a walk down to the docs on Lake Washington. I am certainly beginning to appreciate that spot in the realization that calm is relative (it's still in the city and I wouldn't have considered it tranquil if I didn't know the hustle and bustle elsewhere) and that sanctuary is more about a relationship to a place than the place itself. It's a bit of a shame that I might be leavin' in August, I'm just figuring out how to live in this ol' city. Along those lines-my heart is being sufficiently broken open by L'Arche these days. It has totally surprised me! I'm in love with the mornings at Angeline House. There is nothing more beautiful than helping people start their day. I even wrote a little song about it :) I think all of my songs might sound the same...and I'm okay with that. For me it isn't about the music as much as it is tellin' stories.

...well that was one rambling entry, thanks for sharing in the life and adventures of my heart these days! Please do tell me about the adventures your heart has been on as of late!

Grateful list:

-the opportunity to see His Holiness The Dalai Lama

-The energy at the Green Festival

-the calmness of the lake at night

-a few stars I saw tonight, hooray!

-sunshine (even though I got a little pink, which I know isn't good.... but I reckon it my best attempt at being a plant--turns out I still can't photosynthesize sunlight...well shucks...)

-gardens

-plants!

-water

-food

-busking this weekend

-my sweet green banjo

-music, in general

-my own room

-a bed to sleep in

-the fact that I'm somehow unattractive to bedbugs (I'm the only one out of 7 in the house who hasn't gotten bitten yet)

-the tie dyed tank tops that Jessa baby sent me that I celebrated the sunshine in today

-seeing Rich and Mahia at the bus stop (they moved here from Arcata, it was a great surprise!)

-morning prayer

-sandals

-Seattle

2008-03-28T09:39:00.002-04:00

2008-03-28T09:25:00.002-04:00

2008-03-28T01:32:00.002-04:00

...and too my heart is warming to the season. I feel much more open to love these days, and I don't mean the romantically exclusive kind that is fragile and awkward... I mean love that is so much bigger than that love that is Patty's dancing in the morning, love that is Pat's sense of home in his red chair, love that is both Alisa's wild laughter and sobbing. Since retreat I've had a big s-l-o-w d-o-w-n at L'Arche. I'm no longer trying to compensate for the short staffing... working at the pace I was working was making me unable to love. So, I go each morning to start the day with core members, and I let them unfold what the day holds... I am able to be present to them, now that I've refused to just be in the office when folks are home. If the poverty of L'Arche means under staffing every winter it shouldn't mean less care and attention for the core members... and no longer will I allow that to be my reaction to it. L'Arche is beautiful if you give yourself enough energy to enjoy it.

I have been brainstorming about so darn much I have a list of things I'm learning about that I want to share with y'all...below are the brief seeds of rambles that may be fuller in coming weeks...

-Racism-Obama's speech was amazing. It made me fear for his life. What courage and succinctness. I was blown away. Here's a link to it if ya missed it: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=88478467

-Classism-I am learning that I have a lot of anger about class! Also I didn't realize that I didn't come from the highest middle class background until I was out here in Seattle surrounded by volunteers who have come from a different background. Berea was fantastic, but going to a school for low-income students builds a sort of bubble that I hadn't been able to look past until now. I'm excited to learn more about this and integrate it into house conversations about social justice in our society.

-The moonrise over the lake-I caught it again and it was beautiful. Just delightful.

-Healthcare- My new part time job is researching medical options for asthmatics in our current system... it is very much shaping my job search. This has been interesting for me because I am coming to terms with my severe asthma, I'm not trying to out run it with cross country moves anymore. I'm also realizing that I have a lot of anger around the intersection of class and healthcare in our society. Last month my doctor told me that I should have a sinus scan done because that could be why I have so many respiratory infections... but then he told me I shouldn't do it on the insurance I have, because it would be too expensive. I can recall a time in Berea when I had a pneumonia and went to fill asthma prescriptions and when my card was denied the pharmacist took back the medicine.... the idea that in this country it is okay to deny people access to life saving technology is a bit absurd... that we've allowed the pharmaceutical companies to hi-jack our country... Sometimes I think about how much I wish for independence from prescriptions and chemically crafted wellness, but then I remember its asthma, you can't just stop breathing... so I take my medicine. I'm also curious because my dear nephew Rickey has AMC and Jennie says that kids in countries with socialized medicine with this condition don't usually ever get to walk. I am just so curious about healthcare reform.

-Growin' tires-I must share my joy that my housemates and I are gardening in tires that we get from the firestone down the street. On Easter Sunday Melvin and I mud-puddled and then brought a cart of tires up to our house for gardening. We'll be painting them next week :) The tire idea came from a movie we watched on retreat about The Simple Way. Corrie-bug could certainly tell you more, as she's been involved with the movement... but they are an inspiring bunch... their website www.simpleliving.org is worth a visit!

-Spring! Even though it's snowing here in Seattle, the days are longer and thank heavens! I'm going to try to upload a little video of the spring song.

- Bike commutin'! Heck yes, I'm in love with a blue bicycle (yet to be named). Sometimes I think it is silly to bike commute because I still get a bus pass (I get a good deal on it) and the bus will be going if I'm on it or not. My bike commuting isn't taking a car off the road. However, after a few days when I had a flat tire and couldn't ride, I realized how much I dig the morning and afternoon rides because they: punctuate my day, wake me up in the mornin' and re-energize me in the afternoon, give me good outside time, give me a chance to sing as loud as I can (on the downhills) whatever song is on my mind, put me in more direct contact with people in the city (riding a bus you don't usually talk to folks, but on bikes it feels easier to wish folks good morning and chat at stoplights), bring me joy and meaningful activity.

-Equinox.... how great it is that we are well on our way to the long days of summer, that brings me happiness!

-Visitin' Ohio soon! Missy Suzzane is having me come see her, and I am tickled pink to see that seester of mine again (and the rest of the family too).

...and I've sure got to get to bed soon...but before I go...
Today's Grateful list:
-morning dancing at L'Arche
-Mason Jenning's music
-clean water to drink
-my banjo
-our back porch
-my health
-sleeping
-daily bike rides
-gardening
-lunch breaks
-the core members I see most: Pat, Alisa, and Patty.
-mornings and springtime, and the promise of renewal offered in both

2008-03-12T00:41:00.003-04:00

First and foremost, I must announce this odd phenomenon known as spring... that apparently comes a few months earlier on the west coast! In Ohio there was one of the worst March blizzards on record... here I've been bike commuting and stopping to smell jasmine on the way. Behold-crocuses!
A few shots of wintergrass that I finally uploaded... the quality isn't amazing, but below is just one of the many jams.
Last Saturday we had a hail storm, then rain that only covered half our yard (we were in that rather special spot between the rain and sun) then a rainbow... The reflection on our porch ledge is below. The trees reflected are a bigleaf maple and a hemlock.
Another wintergrass shot... I think this was the band "The Wilders"
The band at the UU! Here we are jammin' out for the kids at the church pj party a few weeks ago :) I didn't want to include a picture with any of the kids, since I don't have permission slips... but trust me they were adorable!
A quick update:
-I'm in love! With Earth Corps! (click here http://www.earthcorps.org/recent_events.php to see a pic of the event a few weeks ago... I'm in the middle pulling some ivy or blackberry root... doesn't it look like a blast!?). Every weekend that I'm in town I'm spending my Saturday morning doing restoration work in parks around Seattle. I love gettin' my hands dirty and meetin' cool folks. This past weekend we found a patch of skunk cabbage! (Which is an exothermic plant-it produces its own heat and can melt snow!... and it is a plant that I love!)

-Under staffing doesn't really get easier... but I'm feeling a new level of being able to detach from work. I wouldn't consider it the ideal L'Arche situation, which strives for community rather than detachment, but it is a necessary change that is working better for me.

-I'll be going on an LVC retreat starting this Thursday.... hooray!

-My spring song is complete (enough to sing... I'd like to add some fancy pickin', but I've got one version of it). It was funny to me how the seasonal songs have come about in different ways. The fall song was a slow composition integrating lines from various poems I had written. The winter song came quicker and had a contrast of darkness and hope (as any winter solstice song ought to). The spring song came quickly, and speaks to where I am right now in unfolding this future of mine. Also, it speaks of my excitement over sowing the seeds of this year's garden (my basil has sprouted!).

The lyrics are:
The time is now, for me to be ready
Spring show me how to awaken
The sleepy flowers on stems unsteady
Show me how to find the new again

Oh dear spring please lend me your trust
Help me feel the warm sunshine
And to believe in my own rootstock
And let me go where my heart does vine

Oh dear spring please bring your brightness
to where I stand on this green earth
and sow my bare winter toes deep
Waiting for the season to give birth

Oh dear spring grow your days long
And too the shadows of this tree
Stretch them both and I will let them
Convince me of my bloomability

Oh dear spring you are whole hearted
And that courage amazes me
Let me learn to be less guarded
And move with your kind of certainty

Oh dear spring I have these hope seeds
And beg for your wisdom to show
How to tend my life’s garden
And find a plot of soil where I can grow

*******************

Grateful list:
-prescription medications, and for some reason, whether I deserve it or not, my having access to them (thanks LVC!)
-spring!
-sunny bike rides
-the bridge in the Arboretum where the marsh smells like goat cheese... I love that smell.
-flowers, oh I am so grateful for flowers
-Earth Corps
-my banjo and mandolin
-clean water to drink
-having pancakes for dinner
-the beautiful act of preparing food for others... I love the tangibility and necessity of it.
-my sleeping bag and care bear blanket
-our neighbors Susan and Christine
-the postal service for transporting bits of delight
-daylight savings time
-the 6:40 am number 8 bus driver who said to me this morning "Sure haven't seen you in a while, where have ya been?" He was glad for me that I was getting to bike in the good weather. I was (and am) glad for his thoughtfulness... sweet of him to take note of the people on his route. Especially appreciated in contrast to the anonymity of the city.

2008-02-25T04:33:00.002-04:00

Hello dear friends!

I write y'all because I'm awake at 12:30 am! Wintergrass delightfully altered my schedule... So, wintergrass is a bluegrass festival held in Tacoma. I volunteered as an usher in exchange for a free weekend pass. Let me set the scene for ya:

Friday night.

I had been up since 5:30am and worked a full day at L'Arche. (usually on Fridays I come home and play music/stare out the window/bake/go to bed super duper early)... after work I took the bus to Tacoma (which is quite pleasant)... met up with the Tacoma Lutheran Volunteer House folks for dinner and then went to the festival for my 9pm-1am shift. The Punch Brothers were setting up (with Chris Thile, singer and mandolin player from Nickel Creek). I'm wearing some fantastically dorky red staff vest and am pretty darn sleepy. Then it happened... I heard the first live bluegrass that I've heard since I left Kentucky. It was amazing. I teared up a bit! I thought, my goodness, I feel like this music is like a siren singing me back east... callin' me back to those beautiful mountains and back more within range of my family (including those babies who I love so)... I was super dazzled by the whole experience. In the hotel lobbies there were groups of people just jamming... strangers coming together and creating such rich music. This wasn't the kind of jamming that we did at the Berea Farmer's Market or on the patio of the SENS house in the Ecovillage (nor is it what we do here at the Rainier Valley Unitarian Universalist Congregation)... but this was traditional bluegrass jamming where one person might be calling the songs but most of the instruments get a chance to do a break (an intricate, mostly improvised or personalized solo). It was amazing! There was such energy there!

Last night at the festival after my shift I hung out with Lizzie, Laura, Bill, and Trey, (folks who are all either LVs, L'Arche workers, or catholic workers)... It was an absolute blast we had our own terribly wonderful jam circle. We played "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" on banjo, guitar, and mandolin.... complete with vocal interpretation too... it was one of the funniest things I've been a part of recently! We also played a few bluegrassy tunes.

The entire weekend I felt elated! Going between workshops and shows and rubbing elbows with the bands in the hospitality room where we all got free food. My heart was so delighted, so refreshed by this festival. When I think of it, I'm surprised at how deeply bluegrass seems to be in my being... or maybe it's just music that's deeply there... or maybe it's just the presence that music usually helps me find... but regardless, I'm just so grateful for the music in my life. When I was in Australia, I went to a music festival with my friend Sven and that was my first taste of this scene... and I recall a conversation over breakfast with one of his friends from music camp. She said, as I'm sure others have said, that "it's just never too late to learn to play an instrument"... and for some reason it sunk in... and when I got back to Berea I signed up to take banjo lessons.... and how much richer my life has been because of it! Sometimes I think of Oz as a bizarre time in my life when I got to become quite out of character and learn from it later on... but shucks, if it was part of my journey to bluegrass, it needs to be held in higher esteem! Also news in my music life-my new mandolin has arrived :) The one I had before gave up when the face caved in due to manufacturing defect... but this new one is so exciting.

Almost as wonderful as the festival was the change of scenery... The LV Tacoma house has a back yard with a climb-able tree and a massive garden. I'm jealous! It feels much less like a city.

Update on the future plans: The heart tuggin' contest is between Berea, Arcata, an Outdoor Ed school in Ohio, and spending a bit of time at the Tacoma L'Arche (they have a farm, a big enough staff, and they're in the country, can you blame me?).

Also, because I think being real is the whole darn point of this blog thinga-jig, I've got to confess that I caught myself in a negative space again. I think this is how my heart feels in February... as if the winter really might stick around forever... as if spring can't come soon enough.... but I do feel that I am on the upswing. I think I've learned a lot from my LVC experience thus far (here's a brief re-cap):

-I feel like I'm unable to sum up what I'm learning from core members... it's so vast! They are amazing and beautiful. I'm really glad they let me into their lives. I do feel like I'm getting good "mama-reflexes" (eyes in the back of my head) I often find myself sensing when a core member is about to run into the street or flush a dryer sheet down the toilet.

-I will try to avoid living in a house of 7 women from here on out. This is because I'd rather feel that I had time to connect in a real way with all my housemates, than feel like I live in a dorm.

-Beth and I can pray together on the phone for some reason neither of us thought of that until recently.

-It's important for me to live in a place where I have a music community.

-I've acquired a few new favorite foods- peanut sauce and noodles, as well as homemade refried beans, and golden beets.

-Turns out I'm a kid who likes some personal space.

-I don't reckon that I'd like to live in a city forever. It's too darn easy here to feel unconnected with wild natural things... and it might just be too darn overstimulating for me too.

-Seven schedules might not ever line up!

-That on the enneagram I am a one with a strong 4 connection.

-That blackberries and I have a strong connection.

Grateful list:

-spring is on the way... I'm grateful for the concept that "this too shall pass", and all the instruction that it implies: feel fully, take comfort in suffering, and celebrate seasonality

-flowers! After this grey rainy winter my heart appreciates their beauty more than ever before

-houseplants

-thoughts of gardening

-sunshine!

-Wintergrass festival!

-music!

-clean drinking water

-the bus system

-did I mention bluegrass music?

-the Tacoma LV house

-my own bed and sleeping bag again

-realization that my perfect day (which has happened countless times) includes any number of the following: cooking with garden fresh veggies, playing music, dancing, being outside, being with people I love, and spending some time alone.

2008-02-19T02:00:00.002-04:00

So... here it is, late into the evenin', but I wanted to just share a few pics in the meantime. Motivated by Leslie's fantastic updates of Levi and Jen and Jeff's updates about Ricky... Realizing of course, that my life is so regular these days, here are a few snip-its....

Here's a good ol' Cheasty Blvd. four leaf... which I find almost daily. It's quite the lucky spot! The garden again... until it's warm enough outside, I'll keep you posted on my houseplants :)

The bedtime scene... I'm really delighted by the little cozy nest I've made.
Sarah at Golden Garden beach!
If I had to pick just one thing to do each day it might be a cartwheel on a beech... and here's the latest tribute.

the gratful list:

-old contacts that keep connected

-plants

-so much clean water

-public transport

-my little blue bike

-my little mandolin that arrived today

-music in general

-watercolor paints

-veggies

-crocuses and snow drops

-sunshine

-the promise of spring (has winter been that long already?!)

2008-02-05T02:03:00.000-04:00

This week's park visit was to my ol' favorite... the Arboretum. After spending an hour or so in my usual spot I went walking around... until I stumbled into the winter garden, which was much appreciated! Jasmine that I could smell before I saw it.... a winter beauty.
My very own winter garden :) Well, there's nothing specifically winter about it, but the houseplants on that side of my room look so cute these days. I always appreciate their green in the Seattle grey. Without green plants I'm not sure I'd believe that the sun was ever here, or that it would return.... but I do believe it has been and will be here, because they've captured a bit of it.
Witch Hazel at the winter garden. This plant uncurls it's little flowers when it is warm, and curls them up in the cold. I think it looked a bit like fireworks.

Grateful list:
-parks in the city
-breaks from housemates! I think I must be about to learn from folks...
-plants
-tacos
-clean water to drink
-music
-the promise of spring
-Mondays off work
-enough healthy food to fill my belly

2008-02-01T23:06:00.000-04:00

A photo from a recent outdoor adventure... Lake Washington is a short 20 minute walk from my house and it's lovely to watch the moonrise over it. In the distance you can see Mercer Island. The day after this photo was taken I road my bike down to the dock and waited for the full yellow moon to tower the city... and it was amazing. (note-the waves can be seen through the openings of the beach house). Here's a sign at Franklin High school, which is just across the way. My housemates and I went to the MLK rally and march.... both were educational, and we all need to learn more about racism.

ps-one more thing I'm grateful for is at work I accidentally ordered the wrong gloves to we now have purple and blue gloves instead of just clear... and who wouldn't enjoy that?

2008-02-01T23:05:00.002-04:00

Hello folks,
It seems my timing to wait about a month between each entry. Thanks as always for your patience, friendship, and just bein' in my life!
Today was a big day! Many things that I've been kicking around in my head and heart trying to process through meditation, etc. have found some kind of resolution today. Background info: At work, one of the core members hasn't gone to work in a month. This is tricky because we're understaffed and typically during the day I do things like get groceries and cook dinner (which is much easier before folks come home and often walk off with various ingredients, which sometimes later end up clogging the toilet-ie-marshmallows, bread, etc). Recently at work times have been tough by the scheduling realities of a core member housebound and thus an assistant housebound as well. It is pretty darn obvious to the staff that this core member is depressed, as she now doesn't get out of be until 2 and cries with ever increasing frequency. Take this situation and add to it a few random small first aid emergencies that involve a core member on blood thinners and a fair amount of blood, and you can see the recipe is there for a stressed out staff. Add in a comments from other core members like "bite her, she needs it!" (referring to me as I was trying to help a core member stop touch a pan that was too hot) and also "We hate you and you're not a part of L'Arche".... when I hear these things for a few hours each week it is easy for it to build up. But today, some things began to break through...
In the morning we held a small prayer group of assistants wanting to conjure up in themselves love, patience, forgiveness, and empathy for core members who are having an especially difficult time lately. (which, by the way, is what my understanding of prayer is-a sort of ethical alchemy to happen in the person praying, rather than a session of begging for desires). We spent time trying to live people's stories... one core member was institutionalized since birth and just now is meeting family who doesn't express a lot of interest in integrating him into their lives.... another core member at the age of 5 was dropped off at a convent to be cared for by the nuns, 50 years later his family came back and picked him up, only to take him to L'Arche... another core member's father and sister passed away and in moving to L'Arche she is experiencing a delayed adolescence by fumbling through power struggles and the reality that she is no longer her mother's everything (and she's expected to be an "adult"--and who's been able to accept that one easily? not me!)... another core member's mother suffered a breakdown after she had a miscarriage due to a flu she got from her son, and he carries this blame and disapproval on top of severe autism which makes the world unbearably overstimulating... and it's easy to see here that there is much reason for stress, for pain, and challenge.
L'Arche is hard because you get to see your insides on other people's outsides... and you have to be gentle, but it might take about everything you've got to accept in others what you struggle to accept in yourself (it has for me!). The core member who struggles for control to the point of running out into the street to shut truck bed flaps because he can't stand them being down begs me to be understanding of the begging my own heart does in seeking control of my life. The core member who is depressed and not going to work challenges me to accept my own time scale for healing, as well as accept the time scales of others.... and the truth at the end of the day is that the core members just make you more human (to put it in Jean Vanier terms), because you realize their struggles are yours too, and that we've all got to live together regardless.
Also in my life right now, two of my Seattle friendships are becoming more real in that they've recently been expanded to include the reflection element that I find oh-so-helpful in learning who I'm tryin' to be. I'm really grateful for this! (even though it's tough).
I usually take the bus to work and bring my bike on the bus (on the rack of course) and then ride home. I do this because at 6:30am when I leave I don't believe that I (or city drivers) am awake enough to share the road. I now go in late on Thursdays (leaving the house at 7:30 instead!) so I rode to work for the first time recently. I realized that this whole time (six months!) that I've been in Seattle I've been a wus. I've been riding home from work, like it's some accomplishment, when really it's mostly downhill. I realized the ride to work is mostly uphill! I feel like this is metaphorical of where I am in my LVC year... only now am I ready to ride uphill.... at work, at home, and in my friendships... and literally... only now am I in decent enough bikin' shape that I can make it up those hills (although, I'll be honest I do still get off and walk some of them!). I'm grateful for uphill bike rides and other uphill adventures in life. They're good for ya.
Another thing I've realized lately is that the pollyanna side of me is gradually leaving.... I think most folks who know my heart know that it has certainly been a bit rosy (and by that I mean overly so, and unrealistic at times). Living in the city has been hard as issues of race, class, and crime have been more in my face than ever before. As I learn more about these I learn that it doesn't always work out rosy... and I can't fix it... at times I get really sad about all of it, but mostly I'm grateful that I am learning.
....so that said I'm doing well. My new year's resolutions (which I've been trying out for the month of January and these three felt worthy)
....drumroll!....
1. Start a recipe/quote box, so that I start keeping both in places I can access them.
2. Visit a park or have an outdoor adventure at least once weekly. (and thus start loving the city, by recognizing what beauty it has)
3. At least once a day be a source of grateful presence, and recognize in this life that there is much to be grateful about right under my nose. (this resolution is a bit of a shortened version of my mantra from a few years back: choose love. share joy. be here. live today. start now.)

...so there they are, please help me be accountable to them!

the grateful list:
-prayer
-honest conversations with friends, heart sharing
-letters
-the people who I feel like are in my life like one of those stackable compartment dolls, they are in my layers so deeply that they are me, and I them
-packages (sending and receiving)
-music
-Brian Webb's song "Not a confession" with the lines
"and here's a woman
with a poor man
his smell
is more than I'd like to bare
but she kisses him
and she holds him
with admiration, I just go home
so why is her kindness
so surprising
when its what she was created to be"
-empathy
-clean water to drink
-the bus rides that are my cultural education
-this city
-my very own room!
-my sleepin' bag
-the sun that peeks through every few weeks
-the 14 houseplants who share my room
-the bike that keeps on workin'
-the play I'm going to tonight about community building to face sexism and racism
-my future that is unfolding as I dream up what to do next...
-this year in LVC
-the uphill bike ride

a little bit of the morning to share...

2008-01-15T13:08:00.001-04:00

...and here it is-the most grace-full moment of the day-

Patty outstretched on her stomach on the couch in her "coffee junkie" pj's

looking out the window

as passerbys slip on icy sidewalks

as the world outside of Angeline house spins quickly and moves hurriedly

she's coming to terms with the decision to stay home today as she lays there singing "here comes the sun"

She might be the only person in the world clapping out loud for the sun right now.

..and she is beautiful.

I wish I had my camera,

but since I don't I'm left to fumble a thousand words or so to try and catch it anyway.

2007-12-23T23:48:00.000-04:00

Greetings dear folks :)

After a bit of a hiatus from blogging, I am returning... with news of sillyness. The truth of it is that I got to reading everyone else's blogs and thought "shucks... all I do is take care of folks, and learn with them..." So, I write you from the perspective of a person living a pretty ordinary life these days, and recognize the triviality in what my blog may contain. I have had many questions about caregiving and ideas about direct service this year. It is rewarding, tough, hilarious, sad, joyful, and most everything in between... it usually involves some combination of getting marshmallows out of the toilet, bodily fluids out of the laundry, and folks to their jobs or day programs in a timely fashion (dressed appropriately, having had breakfast and any medications, with a lunch packed...) It's about being with folks... singing, dancing, cooking, cleaning, hugging, calming, and learning... But there are dangers of "direct" service... it can leave you exhausted and believing that you've fulfilled your obligation to creating change in the world... which in one way, you have worked toward that, but in reality there is a larger kind of change needing to happen as well. I am learning how to balance time and energy between what I might consider "activist" endeavors and "service". I've accepted that right now in a 40 hour per week volunteer caregiver position, it is likely that I will be tipped to one side of this teeter totter. My reckoning on the subject is that there are seasons in life, and now I'm in the season of work that I can see... work that I can be changed by... work that is opening my heart... work that might not be working toward a specific "end" but rather employing love as the "means". I'll be honest though that the continuing environmental crisis is certainly tugging at my heart and I look forward to a time when I can be back into that movement more fully. I've also been slack on writing because we just lost two of our five staff members in the house I work in. It has been an adjustment to go from three live in assistants and two 40 hour assistants to one live in assistant and two 40 hour assistants. I think we've adjusted well. Communication is easier and quicker and we've gotten good at cooking in mass quantities and freezing portions for lunches and dinners later. The house isn't as tidy and we don't get as many projects done... but we are still being with folks. Here's a short blurb I wrote after Marc and Rennie left (their leaving brought up some feelings about Tom's passing):

Lifetimes have passed...

and still we're just doing the meager work

of living together.

That is enough.

To their core people just want to share love.

...and that's my job.

Time, though, is peculiar in this place-

lives end, people grow

people come and people go.

...and still dinner needs to be on the table,

mouths need to be fed...

no matter how tough transitions might be.

******

Another little poem that I wrote is about two amazing trees I pass on my walks between the L'Arche houses... (although the poem seems sad, it's mostly just loving these beautiful trees...)

****

The mighty beeches stand together.

They are sisters.

Sisters with moss trails from years of tear streaks.

Sisters who collect rain together and funnel that heart precipitation to their roots.

Sisters who hold hands in their twisted together crowns.

Sisters who have undoubtedly intertwined roots that draw from the same soil.

Beautiful, wise sisters.

I pass by you with hopes that I might learn to subsist on my tears as well.

***

Here are a few pics from recent times....

In early December we got a nice snow here in Seattle.

Here's our sno-w-oman and the Sula ladies dressed in holiday flair. (yes those are real laderhosen)
Here's my little garden. The tiny pothos in the giant pot, which came from a free pile, is named Hope. The others don't have names yet. With the exception of the venus fly trap (small square pot) all of them have grown from clippings that I've propagated in my time here.

My Charlie Brown tree! I should tell you about the ornaments too... the bottom one is a little mouse that says "granddaughter is only a phone call away", eneman sits on the tree top, and angels made by Melvin's mom are in between. On either side of the tree are messages in bottles that we found months ago when we were kayaking on the Puget Sound. Some recent journalings follow:

It has been a while since I last updated this ol' site. I hope y'all have been well. This weekend has been most fantastic! All of my housemates are gone so I've gotten to have the entire house to myself... hooray! I love the housemates but I often have trouble getting enough space living in an intentional community (of 7 women), working in one as well, and having a roommate. To celebrate this freedom I've taken a candle lit bath while listening to The Prophet, made a fruit smoothie for breakfast (just for myself!), sung myself many songs with the banjo, read lovely books, left stuff wherever I wanted, knowing I'd be able to find it there when I got back, left dishes in the sink until I wanted to wash them, made mac-n-cheese for just myself as well... it has been so enjoyable. I think it would be dreamy to live alone at some point in my life, but who even knows where I'll go from here. I also cut all my hair off again, because I feared I was losing my wildness looking so regular like I was. It's been as much of a hoot as I expected and I'm enjoying the challenge of making my own natural hair products, I'll let y'all know how that goes.... (mission accomplished! mix 1 cup boiling water with 1 tsp unflavored gelatin.. store in sealed container in the fridge... when using mix with a smidge of washable glue)

onto matters more of the heart....

My housemates (who were home), a few friends and I had a wonderful Solstice celebration. We wanted to celebrate the longest night of the year so we used only candle light (save one light to chop veggies by) after the dusk. We all brought some darkness to share. Some folks read their poetry or journal or writings of others. I shared my most recent song which is about a few seasons my heart has known. We talked about what darknesses are currently on our hearts, and also those in the world. We wrote (and some folks drew) their darknesses on little slips of paper. Then we were all sleepy from hanging out in the dark and a long work week, so we all went to bed. We woke up before the sun to have a dawnce (that's a dance at dawn) on the patio. It was a hoot! Then we burned our little slips of paper and had a wonderful breakfast Rebs made. Later that day Sarah and I made Lemonchello, an alcoholic lemon drink, that will have fermented enough to be ready for new year's eve. It was a wonderful celebration and a good reminder of how genuine it is to create your own traditions.

...let me know if anyone is interested in a cd of all the songs I've written (and tell me where to send it).

Something our house has been learning about lately is homelessness. We all went to the Real Change rally last week (Real change is a newspaper that low income people in Seattle help write and can sell on the streets check out http://www.realchangenews.com/ ). At a time of year when most folks are settling into the throws of consumerism the homeless in Seattle get mighty cold. The rally was to protest the camp clearings that the cops do. The cops will take the stuff (usually sleeping bags) of homeless folks to "clean" the city.

I was really pleased with a gift exchange we had at work with strict rules. You had to either make the gift or have owned it for at least a year (and like it!). I made a hand embroidered patch that says L'Arche and gave a cd of my songs. I received a homebrewed beer, scarf, and granola... it was just so much fun that no one spent any money for it. People gave things like a baked good of the month, a homemade indian dinner, homemade journals, pies, cookies, coupons for massages, drawings, notecards, photos, and favorite books. An interesting site that you might like to check out is http://www.storyofstuff.com/ .

Here's a nice tree (I'm guessing it's a birch of some sort). This beautiful blue-sky day happened on Christmas Eve and I spent most of it at the arboretum.
I know it's cheesy, but I wanted to share the latest hair chop with y'all 'cause it has been a delight in my life.... sometimes it's the littlest things, really. In the pic I'm on the phone with Missy, who after we brushed our teeth together demanded a photo of my haircut.

...and after much rambling... there was a grateful list:

-friends who sent love (tangible and otherwise) over the holidays from faraway places, helping me to put my experiences here in Seattle into perspective as one section of my life

-new littler hair to spike and style randomly quickly in the mornings

-space! A house with no housemates for a while

-quiet (refer to previous comment)

-time to learn what I want to! Being out of school is fantastic because you get to read what you want

-marshmallow clogged toilets, because what else would you want to start the day with?

-dancing

-holiday thermal shirts to be worn any time it's chilly

-enough clean water to drink

-enough food to fill my belly

-enough resources to volunteer for a year

-core members welcoming me into their lives

-stickers

-seasons of life

-my green 'jo

-a place to sleep at night out of the rain with heat

-housemates to share this adventure with

-houseplants

-hugs

ps-what are people's resolutions? I think mine might have to do with patience, joy, and writing representatives more... but I've not settled yet.

Blackberries.... recent life in poetry...

2007-11-26T18:39:00.001-04:00

Sunday I went to the Quaker meeting here in Arcata... and I was nastalgic and recalling my first quaker meeting (several years ago at that very meeting house... afterwards I wrote this:

"After the meeting I continued wandering and stumbled upon some stunningly ripe blackberries. It was an amazing moment, feeling spiritually filled by the berries; not unlike the surprise fulfillment that comes from my church sampling.
When I got back into town I had an insatiable urge to write, after not talking for an hour I had a lot to say to myself. Needless to say I had a very full day. "

... which struck a chord due to my recent spiritual focus on blackberries... Also, I was pretty in awe because I realized that meeting shaped my life in a direct way that I would not have guessed at the time. Because I liked that meeting I went to other quaker meetings. The meeting I regularly attended in Ohio is where I met Marie, who told me about the Lutheran Volunteer Corps (her granddaughter lived in the house I live in last year). So the day left me amazed at how little decisions have consequences and ripple effects beyond those that are obvious. The poem also visits the question I have been trying to discern- Should I move to Arcata after LVC?

After the meeting this week I wrote:

*******

Riding through the sunny morning

past the stream

I once walked beside

... I go to that day,

when I had been first quieted..

when I had been so less formed

a day basked in bright light and slowness

when the blackberries first drew me to their vines

when my rambling was just beginning

I look back and I can follow the

spiderweb string that has floated so

delicately and woven so beautifully

my story.

I know that if that day would have been different

I might not today stand where I do...

but as it was and is, I have arrived here

via many circles

and there is weaving yet to be done

before I call this place my home.

*****

I do the dishes

because it's the least I can do

to share gratitude for the abundance

that has been provided.

I do the dishes

to think of every other soul

who is elbow deep in suds at this moment

to pray with them

to honor these things that feed us.

I do the dishes

because peace was born in the kitchen

and it isn't always pretty, glorious, or amazing,

but each day it must be reborn again.

...and then there are dishes.

*****

I come to the ocean for the tides to draw my tears out to their union

for the soothing of the rocking waves

for the acceptance of the sand

which molds to me

for the strange sensation of being home

with water that is so vast

to collect sand in every nook of my belongings

to be dazzled by the daytime stars, twinkling on the crests

so that sand constellations will scatter on the pages of my journal

... to feel like its okay that I've not figured out any of this yet.

*****

(this poem is in refence to Arcata)

Some whisper calling me back

to that place that broke my heart open

to the hearts that embraced me

both in summer and winter solstice

in harvest and in sowing

the place that steals my breath

a place I can fall in love with,

a place I have no choie but to long for

so that if I go, I might no longer say

I am searching for a home

because I've been sewing seeds there all along

It is scary to go for what your heart desires

scary to hold your breath and dive in

for you might hit an unforseen rock

and never look at the water the same again

but to invite such imperfection

is the bravest move we might make.

******

(This poem is in refernce to the recent boy, who I have reached a conclusion with...)

You were a ray of joyful sun

and I deeply adored that.

Never afraid to be present...

so much so that you might not

have realized that you were even that way...

But I did-

I saw the future in your carpenter hands

holding me

my heart drawing out your reflections on life

communicating in communion

Wildly learning to love one another,

I with my rambling and you with your roots

would we ultimately complement one another?

no real way to tell

anymore.

I mourne us like the fall.

Teach me to let go with grace and

let the beauty color my memory

rather than the sadness of parting.

conclusion's sigh.

*******

So, there it is... recent times of my heart. Overall, I'm feeling incredably sentimental... and suprised I've not been writing a lot of songs lately... I've just been writing small poems instead. I wonder if the folks in my life in Seattle will be able to tell what a journey my heart has been on recently. I know that I must be gentle on myself during that transition.

Grateful List:

-perfect last dates (or not even a date?)- that include playing at the skate park, just running around and jumping... four leaf clover hunting and adventuring through free piles... and of course the awkward drawn out final farewell hug and lingering

-adventures of the heart (which are never in short supply)

-coffee shop music

-(stop me now, I've gone totally mushy!)

-enough food, water, and air to live each day

-dishes!

-friends

-redwoods

-the ocean

-hot chocolate

-music

-a break from the city (perhaps I will aim to leave at least once every 6 weeks or so)

-smiling kids

-leftovers

2007-11-24T20:58:00.000-04:00

Mama, me and Ava at a holiday parade. Mama was pleased with her birthday surprise and Ava was cute as ever! Arcata! That's where I'm at right now... will write more later. Just wanted to share some photos in the meantime.

Grateful list:

-leftovers

-redwoods

-the accidental collecting of beach in pockets, journals, and in your hair

-teddies

-footie pjs

-hot tubs under the full moon

-water

-music!

-friends :)

2007-11-24T20:50:00.000-04:00

The beautiful LVC retreat in Holden Village.. here we are on a hike... tall trees anyone?
A shot from the lovely Seattle Arboretum... man oil slicks can be pretty...
Shazam! I was happy to be headin' some place remote enough to require a two hour beautiful ferry ride to get to!
Cascades... The view from one of the a walk up to copper creek that Melvin and I took.
Goodmornin'... on the way home to surprise the mama.

fyi-

2007-11-19T05:54:00.001-04:00

Just thought I'd share that I am sleepless in Seattle right now... and that's a hoot!

sea-tac sends love!

2007-11-19T04:48:00.001-04:00

Hey folks...

I guess I've neglected this for a few weeks.... The quick update:

All Puget Sound Lutheran Volunteers went to Holden Village for a retreat (photos to come soon). It was fantastically refreshing and so beautiful. I found what might be the prettiest porch to pick banjo on (perhaps even the prettiest I'll ever pick on). Not many porches have a view of the cascade mountains. It was so good to rest! We did the enneagram test (a personality test), which I reccommend.... I'll share what number I am, only after I hear from other folks.

Then, I went home for mama's 50th birthday to surprise her... which was also wonderful. When I arrived in Ohio there were snowflurries. Then there was a little baby Ava running up and hugging me and I got to see Baby Ricky too, who is sweet as ever. And of course the mama cried. I played happy birthday to her on my banjo over the school intercom and she was at first confused then she came running to the office. :)

...how interesting it is to go between all of these communities in my life.

... and now I'm headin' to Arcata for a week, in part to discern if I might move there next August. I just get so scared about healthcare sometimes.

... and this entry is a bit rambling (maybe more than usual?) cause I'm here at the Seattle airport hanging out and trying not to fall asleep until I can check my bags (which isn't for another few hours). shucks.

but the journey continues none-the-less... and I am grateful for:

-the pink sunset which I was inside today on my desent to St. Louis

-water

-the fam. back in Ohio

-Ohio's big white sky stretchin' forever

-my maple, which I climbed just this morning

-sleep that I'll get at some point

-my laptop being back in my life again (the possibilities!... but I should also set some boundaries my internet time)

-adventuring

-the promise of a-town kids soon

2007-10-26T21:02:00.001-04:00

Here she is... the perttiest sugar maple in Capital Hill... I am grateful for her!

fall

2007-10-26T21:00:00.001-04:00

I pass by her now increasingly bare branches and I echo the grieving of the season,

and the new emptiness and challenges thereof.

I share her exhaustion... but have yet to learn

how to do so

with

such

grace.

***********************************************************************************************

I wrote this on my way back from Shuinota house this morning... upon seeing my favorite sugar maple in Capital Hill nearly naked today. I've been a bit low energy lately. As some folks know the asthma snuck up on me this past week... and now the meds are tripping me out a bit. It does make me think that it is perhaps good that I'm not in the peace corps or somewhere else. With Tom's passing, the ol' asthma, preparation for state inspections, and that whole fella scene that changed the past few weeks have been a smidge draining... but today I'm feeling softened by that.

Lately I've felt super reflective... and I'm not sure how I've changed, but my heart seems to be transitioning more fully into the LVC experience. I think of past relationships and places I've been and they seem so far away (not that some folks don't still feel close, but I feel now the excitement of creating my current story). Our house communication is deepening and we are learning how to be who we want again (after the initial shock of figuring out how to live together)... I'm feeling more centered here. I'm of course about to change positions at L'Arche. There is talk of me exercising with folks, being the coordinators' assistant, continuing to be a caregiver (which might be my favorite choice), or going back to the candle workshop... will keep y'all posted.

Processing (and being around others who are processing) Tom's death has lead me to wonder--

-What are my priorities?

-Should I spend my life with people I love or keep rambling?

-Am I interested in settling down at some point? (Recently, I've felt that urge... like when you throw a ball up and at some point it loses its force and begins to come back down)

-Do people know that I love them?

-It seems like ushering people out of this world with love is important work... but part of me questions it... why?

-How does one plan a life?!

As always I'm collecting stories and would love to hear your reflections on any of the above.

Grateful list:

-seasonality

-growing older (I can't wait to go grey! -bonus points if you know what song that line is from)

-being young

-people to love

-living with 6 amazing women who are just tryin' to do good work

-snail mail

-Friday night baking parties

-the full moon that will rise tonight at 6:30

-perspective's evolution

2007-10-24T18:38:00.000-04:00

Another shot from our Rainier campout, near Mowich Lake. A creepy shot of me and Petey on the beach at Scenic Beach state park on our campout a few weeks ago... we wanted something that looked scary like Halloween... I think we did a good job.
Here's a horrible shot of the space needle at sunrise from Volunteer Park. When traffic isn't bad and I get to work early I sometimes bike over to the park to see some lovely plants and say hello to the needle.
Let us pass away in fall so those we leave behind remember to see death's beauty and seasons in life.... Tom passed away last Tuesday (which is part of the reason I've been out of contact with most folks). Last week I spent a lot of extra time at work preparing for the funeral and then time outside work learning songs for the funeral. I took this picture after he died. It was amazing, by the way. There were four or five of us singing him his final lullabye. When another core-member Pat came home, he needed to be out of the house so we went for a walk. Pat was sad about Tom, but on our walk he laughed, which was amazing as well because that's the first facial expression I've seen from him yet.

2007-10-24T18:32:00.000-04:00

The not-so-humble 70s mansion known as "Sula House" ... here's our kitchen and porch
Acer macrophyllum... the one outside our living room window that has three pronged schizocarps
A quasi-artistic shot I took when Patsy-doodle got flowers from John upon arriving in Seattle
Once upon a time, we had blackberries out of our ears
Now only a memory remains (that and the jam and berries in our freezer)

2007-10-24T18:17:00.000-04:00

Finally! Pix from the megasaurus rex :)

Me (in blue) then clockwise-Betsy-tetsy, Gina-bean, Patsy-doodlebug, and Melvin... Here we are on our Rainier campout last month (absent at that time: Jac and Rebs)

simple-living dork-out... here we are with our "it just started raining outside" puzzle... l-r rebs, bets, and gina bean

just a short note...

2007-10-14T17:17:00.001-04:00

Hey wonderful folks,

Just a short note because I'm on my way to the veggie stand, and then a chat to Rosie, followed by a young Quaker potluck (if I'm able to find directions!). The day has been glorious! I went with two housemates to the Unitarian Universalists fellowship here in Seattle, and was delighted! It felt so welcoming and honest to be in a spiritually diverse group, rather than the L'Arche community. I feel like I can only have energy to appreciate other people's traditions if I have enough time in my own. This Friday they are having an open mic which I look forward to pickin' at :)

Tom's health is still declining, and it continues to be a sacred space.

The housemates and I had a fabulous time at El Centro de la Raza's 35th anniversary Gala last night. They hired us to work at the auction and we were wined and dined in the process, quite the deal! It was also a hoot for all of us to get dressed up together. After the event we concluded the evening with what I think will be the first of many confessional story-telling over wine in the living room... The sula house community is reaching the tension points where we are beginning to be sooo real with one another and the challenge of community is now!

If you're in the area, we're having a halloween party (with costumes!) Oct. 27th.

The past week was tough... in part due to the evolution of one of those pesky romantic relationships (I could say the decomposition of such, but I think it's not spoiling as much as it is changing form). and sometimes it is tough to watch Tom pass.... but it is always a task commanding such presence. Overall, I feel I am on the upswing and excited for the week ahead.

much love,

megs

grateful list-

-the possibility of musical friends at the UU

-Tom!

-the taco truck near Columbia City

-the challenges of community

-the celebrations of community

-sunshine

-water

-fresh starts in new places

-four leaf clovers

thanks for your patience!

2007-10-01T20:22:00.001-04:00

Hey folks...

still no pics... maybe someday?!

The update....

-I don't work in the activity center anymore (and hoorah, that means no more getting in trouble for praying silently). I am at this point a caregiver for Tom, who is passing away. It is beautiful, scary, amazing, sad, joyful, and peaceful to spend days tending to Tom and others in the house. This week I started my new schedule (which I seem to get every week... bonus points to L'arche for flexibility). I start at 7:30am, which means I get up at 5:30am... but I think I will adjust quickly. It feels so nice to be off work before dark.

-I'm heading to a bluegrass jam tonight, hoorah for that as well!

-Last weekend my housemates and I volunteered at the AIDS walk. A few of us were stationed at closed streets giving directions to the drivers so they could get around the course. It was certainly shocking how negatively people reacted about traffic being changed for a few hours. It really made me want to laugh when drivers would cuss at us because they were angry... I honestly wanted to laugh out loud for how obscene it was that people were so angry about an AIDS fundraiser. Also interesting, I was volunteering alongside a girl who recently moved to Seattle as well. She said she was going to take an Americorps position, but it was not possible to live on $950 a month... I was a little shocked, because I live on $650, and I feel spoiled... everything is relative, I suppose.

-Last weekend I found a bike at goodwill, another source of excitement :)

-This weekend Petey and I will have adventuresome camping somewhere outside the city (not sure where yet... suggestions?), and I'm looking forward to that.

-am a bit sleepy at the moment... perhaps I'll write more soon.

love!

megsy

grateful list

-bus time

-the sun when it peeks through

-letters, cards, and the postal system in general

-water

-mandolin pickin' that tickles my belly

the weekend...

2007-09-22T13:26:00.001-04:00

Hey there...

It is Saturday, glorious Saturday! Later today some housemates and I will be heading out to Mt. Rainier for a campout. It will be so good to get out of this darn city. I'm finding myself almost living for the weekends.... perhaps that means this is not the job for me long term? I think I've realized that already. It is wonderful to work with folks with developmental disabilities. They have such a different reality and it is great to share time with them. It is less than great that I am getting in trouble at work for praying silently. It is perhaps more overwhelming than I anticipated to work for a Catholic organization.... there are so many assumptions made and it certainly doesn't feel like a community when the expectation is for everyone to be the same. I didn't realize how exhausting it can become to spend so much time inside other people's spiritual traditions. The upside is that it forces me to make time for my own kind of prayer just to have the patience to deal with theirs (and the imposition of it into my life). So every morning I spend an hour at the park walking, singing, and looking at plants. I've been riding my bike home from work too, which is fun. It's pretty darn crazy ridin' in this city... but overall I really like it, and admittedly feel a little cool about it. On another note, I tried again today with the pictures, but I'm not allowed to do that on a library computer... A sad tid bit is that our beloved backyard of blackberries has been bulldozed. Apparently the city owns that plot of land :(

Grateful list:

-plenty of water

-four leaf clovers

-camping trip

-weekends!

-that I will only be at L'arche for a year

-Friday night baking

good morning starshine

2007-09-18T12:20:00.001-04:00

Howdy folks!

Today looks like it might clear up at some point. I wore my CCAT shirt in anticipation of seeing Zach (who went to HSU) today, as well as my super cool yellow fleece vest... I was feeling pretty on top of it when I left the house today... then I fell off my bike, woopsy. Nothing broken, just a decent knee scraping and a reminder that cities are a bit much for the ol' meggie. I continued the streak of uncoordinated-ness on the bus (nearly missing my stop, accidentally hitting people's heads with the helmet snapped to my book bag, hitting myself with the bike while taking it off the bus rack), and then on the bus ride (several close calls between myself, pedestrians, and the sidewalk)...Lately I've been feeling pretty overwhelmed. I think the over stimulation of the city is one part... also that during work the pace is so slow and sooo much patience is required that after work I go into hyper-drive wanting to do one million things quickly. I find it hard to live with 6 other folks, being a small group person. My housemates are always looking for things to do and I might be craving down time and space (perhaps sharing a room is extra tricky?). I feel that I am learning I am indeed not a city-folk. There's always soooo much to do, but I prefer sitting on the porch playing some bluegrass and drinking tea to pretty much anything else (with the exception of course to looking at trees and plants). But, alas, I was looking for a challenge.... and i can rest assured that I've found it.

Also found recently were two of my favorite trees, thanks to the book Seattle Trees which lists locations of trees around the city. I found a big ol' sugar maple (Acer sacchrum) and a Dawn redwood ( Metasequoia glyptostroboides)... and boy was I tickled!

My goal is to spend some time every morning walking in the park... but being so rushed to make that happen might have the opposite effect of what I was hoping for (calm space).

Yesterday I had my camera with the hope of sharing pictures and the core members showed up about 20 minutes early, so I didn't get that accomplished... and today there is no camera with me... so thanks for patience.

Grateful list:

-tea

-all things cozy (now that it is raining)

-quiet

-music

-water (for me and the plants in my life)

-my new carni plants

-the happy little worms eating our compost

-food

-blackberries (in their last days)

-seeing familiar folks (well, one, Zachory)

-funny uncoordination

-sewing machines found in basements

I wanna know... have you ever seen the rain?

2007-09-16T19:43:00.001-04:00

The rain is here! There's still a chance of a few sunny days before we go for the long haul, but today was misty as promised. To update folks, recently I've:

-attended a Quaker meeting and learning the term "spiritual anarchist", which I certainly identify with as a person who questions organized religion

-found the mecca of all busking spots (who said 3rd ave was best?) at the space needle... bless those tourists... they just want to give money away

-made a few friends, hoorah!

-written a few more songs (one is pickin' the notes, so that's fun and new for me)

lots to tell... not much internet time... more later?

love!

megs

thankful:

-music

-rain

-leaves in the fall

-arcata folks

-packages!

-missy suzzana

-melvin hugs

the truth is... I miss you...

2007-09-12T12:50:00.001-04:00

Today's subject is in appreciation of coldplay's song. I am feeling a bit disconnected with my homes(Anna, Berea, and Arcata)... (please send snail mail love?)... perhaps that's in part due to the lack of phone conversations (caused mostly by livin' in a house of 7 with one phone line).

On the upside-I took a different walk to work from my bus stop today and found a pear tree as well as some eucalyptus to smell. I've been really interested in figuring out these western plants. I found a fantastic book about Seattle's trees, you can look up a tree and it will tell you where to find it. The greatest news is that there are both Dawn Redwoods and Sugar Maples in areas I can get to! Hoorah! I am curious what tree will represent Seattle to me in the future.

I've been writing heaps of songs (about one a week... okay so that's only 4 since I've seen most of you, but it's been a delight).

I think of so much to share with y'all and then forget it by the time I get to a computer... well I had a fantastic weekend! This weekend I'm hoping to go to a plant sale.

I'm learning a lot about how people become slow to love others... my wild heart tends to get my into trouble and I can feel it tempering itself these days... inquire if you are curious, there is of course a song to explain what I mean by that.

I've also been surprised at what it feels like to live with 7 folks... I'm much more of a small group person, and it has been a challenge to connect with everyone....but I did sign up for a challenge, that was the point of this whole thing.

Grateful list:

-music!

-water!

-my bus driver

-one on one time with housemates

-enough food

-the book Simpler Living Compassionate Life

reflections...

2007-09-07T12:43:00.001-04:00

As always my internet time is very limited... and I don't have pictures and music to share yet...but I have been thinking a lot to try and comprehend the work I am doing here. In trying to find a connection between my obvious passion (environmental issues) and L'Arche, I realized that both are about caring for marginalized things. People with disabilities are often not even acknowledged as people to learn from. Also, both seek to preserve diversity working under the assumption that things have value in their uniqueness and because they are regardless of it is a value recognized in the greater society. One big change is that environmental work at times created tangible change in the world (however small my world is); whereas L'Arche work creates tangible change in me. After a day at L'Arche I get on the bus and am so glad to see all of the different people. I think more about how real it is that we all have our unique realities. I am learning a lot about acceptance and community with diversity. I hear furniture being moved upstairs (we do yoga on Friday mornings) so I'd better run along and try to lend a hand. much love!

quick grateful list:

music!

water

berries

all things green

riding the 48 bus with the driver of the year (what a celebrity!)

housemate hugs

bedtime stories

howdy~

2007-09-01T14:16:00.001-04:00

Hey folks...

It's a delightful Saturday.... I found a working bike in our basement and hopped on it (and the sidewalks) down to Columbia City, not a long ride at all... but nice.

My heart is settling in here... Everyday at work it seems I am amazed at the core members. Yesterday Paul was quick to forgive Elisa after she ripped up one of his sorry cards. This was a big deal because for Paul's 46th birthday last week he received that new sorry game (his last one had worn out cards). If only I could be so unattached to my belongings. He also was very helpful at reminding me to give Elisa her cards while we played. He's been lighting up when I sign to him. I can't wait to learn more sign language so I can better communicate with Paul and Robin. I decided that I would focus on the good at work... it is easier to get caught up in the silly office disorganization than to concentrate on learning from the core members. So when the office writes my checks wrong, I get over it faster, so I can get back to making candles and hot chocolate. Charlotte was out of the workshop Friday afternoon so we took the core members to Volunteer Park and I played them music while we ate chocolate cupcakes. Elisa thought Sourwood Mountain was the funniest song she'd ever heard.

I am surprised at how much time a 40 hour work week and 10 hour weekly commute takes up. I might start biking to work for variety, exercise, and to get off that darn bus. The bus-ride is markedly more enjoyable now that I ride the anti-social way (some of the time anyway) with headphones on... I've started making bus-ride cartoons as well... let me know if you'd like a set... they are not really funny... but enjoyable to make on the long trek.

This weekend is full of fun plans- today might go down to Lake Washington after a few errands and go home to make jam. I'd also like to stop by the super goodwill just off Rainier. Sunday we're planning to rent kayaks and have a picnic. Monday we all work at Bumbershoot (a big music festival) and then we can stay and jam (to the Wu-Tang clan, and other folks) after our volunteer shifts are over around 6.... then back to work on Tuesday. Tuesdays are market days, so that's good too.

I am working on my list of goals for this year in LVC. One is to reflect on where I'd like to live next. At this moment I miss the bluegrass of KY and the family in Ohio... but am glad to be escaping the highest ragweed pollen counts on record as I enjoy easy breathing here in the west. I'm also curious about my beloved Arcata... as my friends graduate and prepare to leave that town. Once I finish the list, I'll post it... so y'all can keep me accountable too.

Yesterday I was playing banjo downtown and I met a fiddler who was kind enough to give me some busking tips. He gave me his spot on 5th Ave, in front of Tiffanie's, which is the best spot in town (I hear). He was dressed nicely and this gave me the idea that maybe I should wear something other than tie-dyed old ratty tee shirts and hiking shorts with candle wax on them when I play downtown...I was really glad to make a musical contact, as I'm seriously missing the Berea music community.

I'll try and put up some pictures soon :)

Grateful list:

-blackberries! To pick them you need some kind of peace to accept all the thorns... I do believe they are an extremely spiritual fruit for me

-basement bikes, in mostly working order

-water

-music

-core members: Bill, Elisa, Paul, Robin, Nancy, Christine, and Mike

-housemate hugs (to resume more fully once most folks get over their cold)

-children's books

-libraries

-beaten up pictures of Alix

-e-mails from Irene ;)

-locating the parcel and post shop

-not working on Saturdays

-spending a total of $22.25 in August (with the exception of communal food and bus pass)

-sunshine (who says it always rains here?)

greetings from Seattle, yo!

2007-08-30T12:03:00.001-04:00

Alrighty...

now that I am settling in more, I figured I'd share the scoop. First and foremost, Glennjamin and Krystal visited the day before last and it was fantastic! Krystal played the mandolin, Glen the uke, and me the banjo... good to bring bluegrassy goodness to our porch. So nice to see familiar faces too.

Work is silly disorganized... they lost a copy of my social security card... that doesn't really seem okay to me... my check was four days late... and other assorted slip-ups that make me crave a secretarial job where I could be anal, and organized, and more effective than the system here.

I love working with the core members. I'm learning to sign and it's great to be able to communicate with some words now.

My roommate Melissa (Melvin) is fantastic. She's joined me in my bedtime hour routine and we share about our day... I find it is nice to get guarenteed one on one chatting in a house of 7, where it can be overwhelming at times.

I am not in love with busses. The past two days I've spent three hours on busses, which feels silly... I wish I could bring my banjo. In the meantime, I'm listening to music and drawing cartoons on the bus, which is fun.

My goal is to find a bike this weekend... we'll see how it goes.

much love,

megsy

grateful-

-blackberries

-water

-music

-Melvin

-Rosemary Records

-Missy Suzanne

-internet at work

hey y'all

2007-08-28T12:05:00.001-04:00

Hey not much time here... just wanted to say I'm feeling more adapted and with an excited heart lately... and I'm meeting people who like bluegrass... this is good!

love!

megasus

hey ya'll...

2007-08-24T11:58:00.001-04:00

Hey folks...

I am now at my placement, and things are nice here. The folks I work with are sweet and most of the time we get to hang out and appreciate one another. Today we'll be making candles and having afternoon tea. Yesterday I was asked to drive a 15 passenger van on the highway here in the city... my response was-nopers! Nowhere in my job description did it mention transporting core members, and I'm not comfortable with driving in the city period... let alone a big honkin' van. I've heard that it is hard to balance the intentional community of L'Arche and LVC, so I'm setting boundaries early. Right now, my priority is LVC because L'Arche already gets 40 hours a week. The commute on bus is an hour each way, yikes! Anyone have suggestions for cheap bike places in Seattle? Sure am looking. The Sula gals and I plan to go to Rock Solid, a club that has free Fridays and salsa tonight... then tomorrow we are hoping to pick berries for jam, swim in Lake Washington, and paint some of the odd house we live in. There were times yesterday when I questioned my placement, but it forced me to be very present, so that was good. Have been buskin' on the streets for a little extra dough, but also just to share music. I've been playing mostly my own stuff on the streets and it's gotten good feedback, which is always fun. Welp... work starts in a tick... so I best jump off here.

much love,

megsy

thankful list:

-blackberries

-presence

-old men in overalls on the city busses

-busses that run on time

-singing over breakfast

-chocolate tea

-ice cream

-water

limited access!!!!

2007-08-21T16:51:00.001-04:00

Hey y'all,

I have 5 more minutes on the computer here, wanted to share some joy! Our backyard is all blackberry brambles which inspired a nice song this morning, which I am calling Blackberries. Lovin' my housemates, am amazed at how well we communicate. I have a roommate, Melissa, who is sweet as pie. We live in the "tomato soup room" in our mansion on Beacon hill.... much better accomodations than I expected. Am grateful for so much! We plan to tour the city today and walk to Lake Washington tonight... So much love to you all!

megaroni

thought this might be the fastest way to get y'all...

2007-08-16T15:03:00.001-04:00

Things are going ggggreat in DC! My housemates are rockstars, very
very sweet... We all have so much to learn from one another and I'm
really excited to do that. We have the afternoon off today, so that's
a nice respite. It's been tiring and wonderful and intense and
amazing already. Everyone needs to read the book Back Off! about
women's self defense... the woman who wrote it is amazing! My heart
is happy to be here and beginning this adventure!
love!
megs

ps-grateful list:
-water!
-music-my housemates are letting me play in our hotel room
-self defense training
-empowerment
-hugs
-laughter
-sunshine
-fresh herbs
-cafeteria ladies

all my bags are packed...

2007-08-13T03:17:00.001-04:00

I'm ready to go... 3:11 am here... Just got done climbing my tree. I looked through the branches for shooting stars, no luck in that dept.... but I was just delighted to be in my tree (I didn't even bump into a cicada, now that's luck!).... this is the last certain Internet access I'll have... who knows from here. I am sleepy, but glad to be starting this new adventure. I'm excited to be planning to see some west coast kids soon and of course missing my eastern folks already. I was hoping to have something moving or clever to say in my last e-mail for a while... but I'm just too much of a sleepy head for anything beautiful. Love to all. Here goes nothin!

grateful list:

-new beginnings

-postcards

-my sugar maple

-stars

-mama and missy

-pegasus and grams

-jen and her babies

-bub and his garden

-my ber town friends

-a healed foot

-music!

-water

2007-08-10T00:48:00.001-04:00

Here I go...
packing... perhaps it's one of those things that needs to happen while staying up all night (even if it's not the night before you leave). I'm planning to send a few boxes of my stuff to Seattle tomorrow. My banjo is all tucked away and cozy in a mattress of tee shirts... I'm reminded of Jessa. It's too bad she's not here, she is and has always been my packing buddy. I will be honest--I did make a few indulgent decisions. I'll be greeted with two boxes of my favorite tea right off the bat... and my salt crystal lamp too. I'm hoping to tie dye tonight... cause I've got a few white things with stains, and I think my tie-dyed thermal shirt is on it's last leg (I got it three years ago at a garage sale for about 20 cents). I'm reminded of a nature and spirituality retreat activity: we went around the (small) group and explained one thing we brought and one thing we deliberately left behind. I am leaving behind my laptop (this makes me reflect on photos, e-mails, recording music, watching dvd's, and other luxurious things). I'm taking two musical instruments, two field guides, and a handful of crazy clothes that are sure to keep me bright through Seattle's dreary days. I know that I've been leaving for years, but this time feels so different because there's no telling when I'll be back around these parts... and because for years I've believed that my plan was to eventually go west... the realization of a dream is quite an interesting feeling :) This really is a whole new chapter in my life!
I have the most beautiful day with missy planned. We are going to read children's books and record them and make ourselves each a cd... then we'll send my boxes... hang out with the grams....play in a sprinkler we got on sale at Kroger's (only for a bit... no worries here!)... then go to the drive in theater and eat mama's homemade pizza roll (as I fall asleep to The Simpson's and some other movie). It is quite the ro-tic day (romantic, without the man!).
My address in Seattle (after Aug. 19) will be:

***I removed my addy, please drop me an e-mail or leave comment if ya'd like it**

... so please drop me a postcard, y'all!

....hmmmm.... sleepy reflections while packing... I'm off to start soaking my tie-dying victims... much, much love.
megasus

grateful list:
-my silly family-they took me out to dinner tonight and we we the noisiest bunch in the place
-giant crickets that hide near missy's bed
-summer
-scouting the football field at night in attempt to figure out when the water the dang thing
-callin' folks
-sleep-when you can get it
-staying up all night-when you can get away with it.... I'm looking forward to the sunrise tomorrow too... it always feels like I gain perspective in the 24 hour-marathon days, because I step outside the normal schedule, usually in solitude... and of course I get loopy from lack of sleep
-Karen Aumick, who says hello to everyone!
-Ricky and Ava
-that A-town kids will be visiting me in Seattle

solidarity vs. charity...

2007-08-06T20:55:00.001-04:00

Hey y'all...

My heart and head have been grappling with the difference between solidarity and charity as I prepare for LVC and finish up a book called The Power of Serving Others. The book walks the fine line, and I think at times oversteps that line-it is obviously written from a white male perspective.

As I reflect on how the arguments apply to my particular placement I think that it would be easy to think of folks with "disabilities" as less "useful" in our society... but I'm looking at it like this: I will help with the things they struggle with (like walking, moving, etc) and they will help me with things I struggle with (like being present, full of humor, and loving people fully). I think I'm getting the better deal.

As for issues of race, intellectually, I understand racism... but in practice, I'm uncertain. I'm not sure how to respond to loud people or people who seem to dress to the hilt. I have prejudices against these things. Not that I haven't seen a loud and fancy dresses white person, but in Berea my experiences of that nature were primarily with African American women in the Ecovillage. So, I'm pretty sure I will learn a lot living in Seattle.

And oh shucks... I'd be lying if I didn't tell you that recently I've had moments of a serious scaredy-cat nature that I am leavin' my folks and this side of the country for an undisclosed amount of time... but I'm thankful for these times, they remind me to pray for presence, and a sense of adventure, flexibility, and acceptance.

And the music... of course the music is going well. It always is. After my banjo gig at the library tomorrow I will be dedicating myself to learnin' more tunes on the mandolin, so I can do some rockin' in DC at orientation (and airport busking perhaps?).

Oh the babes... Ava and Ricky are so angelic. As I prepare to leave I miss them already.... because I know I will be missing an exciting year (at least) for both of them. Ricky might be saying a word or two when I visit here again, and Ava will certainly have changed... maybe even grown?

and a funny note... Pegasus waxed my legs this weekend... they feel so naked! It was an amusing drawn out endeavor that yeilded many laughs... and now smooth legs (geeze, that's new). I did it because I already have the potential to stand out in the LVC crowd as agnostic/animist/pluralist-quasi-"hippie" like chicka... I didn't want to blow my cover quite so quickly. I didn't want to weird folks out before it even started... I want to know people before they can make those judgements. I'm also hoping that this is a less judgemental Christian crowd than what I experienced at times in Berea. Overall, I know that each person is an individual and they will likely span the gamut.... I just hope LVC wasn't kidding when they said they wanted spiritual diversity.

much love!

megy sue...

ps-let me know if you'd be interested in my music... I'm up to 7 songs now, hoorah!

thankful list:

-water to drink

-music

-Ava and Ricky dear

-taking care of people

-bugs

-the postal service

-always having a roof over my head (unless I escape to the hammock)

-thoughtful readings

-the reunion of two former loves of mine-writing and singing

-being able to walk

-LVC

confession....

2007-08-04T12:01:00.001-04:00

Hey y'all...

Here is my confession: If I had it all my way I might just lounge about and play music for all of my days. Also: It's noon and I'm still in pj's pickin' around. Awwshucks... I do love music these days. Wrote another song the other day. Had to get off the interstate to write it before I forgot it. I am delighted that the LVC folks said it was fine to bring the little mandolin to DC training... Funny, that three months ago I couldn't go a day without running and now my vice is bluegrass... I don't think either are terribly dangerous habits, in fact I might keep 'em both (that is when I'm allowed to run again).

oh shucks... my little auntie pegasus just called she's comin' to take me away for a bit... will write more later.

love, love, love!

megsy

thankful list:

music!

popsicles

sleep

cats

hammocks

water

alrighty....

2007-07-22T23:58:00.001-04:00

Hey y'all...

Another de-lightful day to share. Spent some time with my cousin Betsy pickin' on banjos and her mandolin. Ordered my very own mandolin, which is very excitin! Ma got if for my birthday. I wasn't sure if I should get it or not, I was feelin' a little overconsumin' and guilty... but then I talked with Noelley, and I get such joy from music, so we decided it's a good idea. I just realized I have a nice track record of calling Noelle for big decisions. She hasn't led me down a bad path yet. The quaker meetin' today was enjoyable. Marie spoke about channeling anger and fear into activism. Now, imagine that coming from a little white haired lady... she's so sweet, and rockin' too!

I've been thinking a lot about simple living. As I get rid of most of my stuff and prepare to send some to Seattle, I've been reminded of how much junk I don't need. Simple is such a relative word, though. I'm wondering if a laptop is part of a simple lifestyle? I'd sure like it handy to record music on. I think perhaps intentional living might be a better goal. If something helps you share joy and love, it just might be worthwhile. I'd be interested to hear any feedback on this one.

Am headin' to Berea on Tuesday... y'all can look forward to the 50cent/free sale, lots of crazy shirts and good books... location TBA. :) Took another joy-ride today on ma's bike. mmm'mmmm, that's good for ya! Also, went on my first "long" walk-1.5 miles, yeah buddy!

grateful list:

-missy sharing her heart stories with me

-water-yum!

-music

-my banjo and soon to have mandolin

-bumpus the cat

-clouds

-singing music in the car

-that I grew up in a tiny place

-Marie Cotton

-when ma and I have enough space to get along

-mobility!

-adventures of heart around the next corner (3 weeks to take off)

2007-07-19T23:22:00.000-04:00

Alright y'all...
Another mushy, silly, sticky-sweet (and whining?) love song out of my system... that feels better. This one was a real turkey, I tell ya... not my best work, but certainly an effective relief. I'm thinking about getting a myspace so i can share my songs (I mean I've written all of 5 1/2)... but that seems to be a slippery slope (myspace=millions of hours lost online and that weird "friends" thing).
Overall, I really can't complain. Lots of good happenin' these days. (aside from me and my crazy fella antics). I've had the pleasure of spending this taking care of Jen, Ava, and Ricky. It feels great to have work that is meaningful (not that the 'brary is bad, but it isn't as cool as huggin' Ricky and laughin' with Ava). I'll be headin' back to the ol' Ber town for a final farewell tour. It's likely that I will also haul a lot of my stuff down to give away/have a 50 cent garage sale. I certainly don't need to take a lot to Seattle. Ma has offered to get me a delightful mandolin. It almost feels like cheating on my banjo to be honest, but another bluegrass sweety to add to the mix is certainly temptin'. I took a six mile bike-ride last night (no laughs please!) and it was a joy! It feels good to get back out there. Nice. The foot doc said all is comin' along pretty well and to just keep on truckin'. Last week grams took us all to Chuck E's for my 22 birthday (never too old, right?). Then Missy, Ma, and Reuben took me to El Toro in Vandalia... which was fantastic... excellent food and after the meal the waiting staff came out and sang to me and then smeared whip cream in my face--a nice touch! I also got to take a nap in a bookdrop on my birthday, now that was relaxing.
Just finished up reading The Celestine Prophecies, not bad... At times it reminded me of Eckhart Tolle, but other times it was just a novel... and you know how I generally feel about those. But seriously, there were good points made about being addicted to other people, following instincts, power dynamics, and taking responsibility for your own spiritual growth.

The grateful list:
-mail. if I don't have your current address, please pass it along, as I do love to postcard folks.
-water! Oh yeah...
-rain!
-Lucky, my banjo
-chickory flowers
-the sleep I will get tonight
-honesty... even when it is tough (especially when it is tough)
-summer squash
-sunflowers
-ma's bike (oh yeah, nice ride!)
-talkin' to friends on the phone
-writing songs
-swings
-sellin' old stuff on ebay
-Ava and Ricky
-Jennie and Jeff pretending they liked the pizza I messed up (I know I like honesty, but I was feelin' sleepy and sensitive about my cookin')
-Missy Boo
-being able to walk
-music in the morning

More pics:

Ricky Lawrence. My little angel... look at this sweet child! He really is a darling. Ava and Jen colorin' the little fella's casts as he sleeps. Ava says Ricky is her best friend.
That's right... the "Ken-Chuck-E Derby"... another nice addition.

2007-07-19T23:14:00.000-04:00

Eco-Ville Gothic? A pic from my recent Ber town trip... sure has been a while since I posted pics..
Grams and Ava enjoyin' Chuck E's. Look at that kid... could it get much cuter?
O-hi-a... yep... corn, soybeans, and wheat...
Ragin' Ape-A sure bet for tickets if you're visiting Charles Edwards Cheese... If you hold onto this ape's metal rods while the whole thing vibrates, he smokes and you get 12 tickets! Oh yeah :)
The Boo and I... She won.

duped again!

2007-07-17T23:40:00.001-04:00

Drats...

I thought I had the relationship thing out of my system... but alas... I just might have bitten the dust again! Word to the wise: don't write songs for people... even if it happened by accident... and if it happens, record it, share it with your friends and never speak of it again!

Well really that's probably over dramatic, no big deal-e-o, just a chickadee slightly embarrassed over a fella here.

peace out....

megasaurus "make a turkey of herself" rex

thankful list:

-do I really need to do one of these today? you're right... I certainly should

-missy suzanne

-Ba!

-Rosie O

-leftover birthday cookies

-banjo music (even if it gets you in trouble!)

-the wonder years (missy was watchin' it, and I do admit, I did indulge)

-my sister as Mrs. Doubtfire when it comes to fake bakin'....

-Ava and Ricky, two sweet little buggers

update! sorry no pics yet...

2007-07-11T22:32:00.001-04:00

Shucks folks... it has been a while... but I never said I would update that regularly... so here's a brief reflection of recent times... I've got to type quickly ma will be home soon and the tv will be turned on and thus the return of the obnoxious background noise is soon to resume... drats! I wasn't quick enough they're home... well then, this might be even more brief (I generally leave the room when the tube is on, it gives me the willies!)...so a quick rundown:

-banjo gig today at Dorothy Love nursing home, heaps of fun... sweet sweet folks! My little Quaker friends came and that was very thoughtful of them! I liked the way that everyone there was a character and a half, and vocal too. I had them sing with me for a few songs, and it was a joy!

-Bub's wedding: My papa got married last weekend. Betsy (my cousin and I) played a few songs together... it was fun to figure out a few songs so quickly (we started practicing the morning of the wedding!) and great to spend time with Betsy. I hadn't really talked to her in years... so it was good to catch up with family I'm not that close too and of course great to dance a bit. Bub made a little dance floor out of plywood for a nice spot under the stars and fireflies. Plus there was this fella with a really great unibrow gettin' down, and he made our day! I also caught the flowers (whatever that's supposed to mean!).

-Ricky is well! That sweet little fella lets me hold him and he snuggles right up. He does throw up on me a bit, but hey, that's to be expected.

-Ava is a proud big sister and she says Ricky is her best friend :)

-Last week I went to Ber-town after Hally visited. It was a perfect refresher for the heart! Imagine, there were folks to make music with and hug 8 times a day! Perfect... swimmin' weather too. Just great really. So so so good for my heart. I think I brought a little of that de-light back home with me....

-I made a brochure to try and sell natural cleaners in a local farm store (wish me luck, y'all!)

...and that's about all the update I can muster (well while listenin' to that darn idiot box anyway)

grateful list:

-Missy Suzzane and our sisterly ways

-Ricky dear

-Ava darling

-playing music for people

-interesting reading: "Why are all the black kids sitting together in the cafeteria?" To learn a bit start here: http://seamonkey.ed.asu.edu/~mcisaac/emc598ge/Unpacking.html

-the hammock in the backyard

-my banjo

-bike rides I've started taking every evening... on my mom's bike which I call "the caddy". It is red, with whitewalled tires, a springy seat, two mirrors, a basket, and a bell. It sure gets me to the park and back... and it feels good to be mobile.

-being able to walk!

-clean drinking water

-that I have been outside Anna, Ohio

another little update

2007-06-27T19:45:00.001-04:00

Hey folks...

I'm still here at my post in the Tipp City 'brary... in between preparing for the Live Clue program I have been checking out stuff on NPR's website (oh NPR, you're so sweet)...

http://www.npr.org/news/specials/climate/video/

Check out these videos about global warming. I appreciate how simplistic they are. While I also recognize the irony (I mean I'm using electricity to learn about global warming, caused in part by electricity production), but if you're on the computer anyway... give it a check see.

love

meg

2007-06-27T17:33:00.000-04:00

MMMMkay kiddies...
I'm currently chillin' at my summer volunteer post aka-the Tipp City Public Library. I bring good news. Ricky is still completely adorable, sweet, and healthy. Ava loves him so much! She tried to get into his bassinet today. The two of them are such a delight. Aww... little people. I do love them.
So, since I'm in the 'brary I figured I ought to come at ya with a few recent book reviews:

-Choice Theory by William Glasser.
He has some good points. The main point is that the only person you can control is yourself. Live like that is the case and you'll get along a lot easier. One bone of contention I must pick is his disdain for any types of medicine. I mean, I appreciate natural methods as much as anyone else, but I won't be convinced that diseases like asthma and arthritis are all in our heads. Really now. (good news on the asthma front-I'm on less medicine! Hooray!) He also talks about having a safe space for negotiating for relationships. This is cute. I like his point that in such a space you are free to offer what you will do, but you do not plead for what you want others to do. Just how does one translate this self-control psychology into their lives? Well, that's the tough part (isn't it always?!). I'm in the practice section right now... but I did go through recent journal entries of mine and pick out things where I can make empowered decisions about, which seemed helpful.
He also talks about the five needs of people: love, power, belonging, survival, and freedom. He discusses how these play out in relating to one another. I found that I have a high need for love, but not necessarily belonging, as I am content to run with a small close-knit group rather than a large one. It might appear that I take a fair amount of risks, so I am low on the survival end...and the freedom end... any guesses? Pretty darn high... which is interesting to reflect upon (especially in the context of my recent evaluation of romantic relationships in our culture).

-Wicked
This is about the wicked witch of the west and how she became who she is. It was interesting, but didn't give as much perspective as I had hoped. Also, there was way too much sex in this book. Maybe that's what I don't like about novels.

-The Faith Club
This book describes three women building interfaith relations. One is Muslim, Christian, and Jew. I appreciated their perspectives, but was disappointed that they considered pluralism only the religions of Abraham. I learned a lot about Islam, which I think is especially important in America today. I liked how the women had a stereotypes discussion. They were brave to share and receive stereotypes; and then dissect and tackle them together. I hope I have some open-minded housemates in the fall. This book might be one worth mentioning as we try to have interfaith discussions and build community together.
Some points that I found very interesting: The Muslim woman pointed out how much "Jesus propaganda" there is in the US, which I agree.
One quote I appreciated (pg 108):
"But we should all recognize that when religion is used as a rationale for aggression, a tactic for war, or to justify a promise of land, then it is politicized religion. It becomes a human ideology that has nothing to do with Godly values."
************************************
Those are the books I've read recently that stuck out in my memory.

As promised I am going to share a few things from my journal lately too...
I wrote this after someone told me they hoped Ricky wouldn't have any deformities, that they were praying for him....
People often thank God for health. But what is this saying about illness, disabilities, and other forms of diversity? I'm starting to think the word 'disability' is misleading. A person who is blind might have an acute sense of hearing. Just as an autistic child my have an acute sense of joy. I, more than most people I know, appreciate breathing. I just wonder if we might be kidding ourselves when we are grateful to be "normal" and "healthy". Go ahead and be grateful to be, but perhaps we should also be thankful for diversity?
*****
I wrote this after Missy and I passed a funeral procession on the way to work one day:
Not that funerals are for the dead, but when I die at age 102, I'd like to have a party. I want to be cremated and for everyone to have a big ol' bonfire instead of a viewing, a farewell party/talent show perhaps. If for some reason they want to have a procession, it too should be a party. I'm not kidding, it should be more of a parade than anything else. I want people's cars to say "Honk if you're joyful!" and have a trail of cans on strings. I'd like one car to say "Just buried!" Then I want someone to bury my ashes (legal or not!) under some maple tree. Heck, maybe they could even plant one for the occasion. It doesn't need to be long living like the oak, just bright. And if I live in a climate that maples don't love how about a Metasequoia glyptostroboides? I sure like those trees... and their seeds like fire, and well, that might be significant to me too. Oh and if folks wanted they could write letters to me and burn them at my bon-fire, that seems symbolic enough... and I'd rather that no one pretends I was perfect. Really, y'all could laugh about how much of a turkey I am to live with, etc, etc.
*****

and that's it for now... Missy wants me to get back to work! I don't know why she's so bossy for $2 and hour... I do alright ;)
love!
megsy

thankful list:
-pudding
-clean drinking water
-Ricky!
-Ava!
-re fried beans
-tiny prayers that look a lot like joy
-laughter
-the promise of swimming soon
-the big white Ohio sky, thick with summer's heat and humidity
-that Dawny is alright
-the banjo in my life
-stickers
-clean air
-friends

megwheresheis

rainy February day

working perspective

has it been so long?

leftover prayer for breakfast

It's been a while... but after a vacation to the west coast and a sinus surgery, my feet are back on the ground here in B-town

cross posted from my facebook... yes, I'm on facebook....?!

lists...

I saw this story on npr's website and wanted to share it. As y'all know, I'm a list-maker. I have them everywhere: around my apartment, in my office, in my recipe box, on postcards and letters. These are my reasons for making lists:

Because I feel anxious when I have too much in my head to hold onto.

Because I want to acknowledge that there is constantly a lot to be grateful for, and I don't want those people, places, things, and events to go unnoticed.

10 Reasons Why We Love Making Lists

What's On Your List?

this town...

the tree

what matters

Coal Dust Explosion

Coal River Wind Petition

Recent Ramblings in the New Year

RFK Jr. Testifies for Appalachia. Then, sadly, the Stream Buffer Zone rule change passed. Let's hope Obama brings change quickly.

a long question of the week....

A short clip about Maytown

Stream Saver Buffer Bill, also

Wilson Creek!

reflections over a lunch break...

Van Jone's speech

Al Gore's energy plan...

Time Magazine Article

quick link from work...

youch!

whew... a moment to breathe...I write to you on a slow rainy (finally!) morning in Berea

shucks!

in a big orange empty room..

hmmmm....

hi there :)

this is actually a severe weather alert... it will be sunny this weekend in the northwest!

video...

well shoot... here it is 6am already...

a short little snip-it

heck yes!

Kentucky?

campin :)

Happy almost Earth Day! May you find healing in the out of doors, enough so to motivate you to work to reciprocate that.

a little bit of the morning to share...

Blackberries.... recent life in poetry...

fyi-

sea-tac sends love!

fall

just a short note...

thanks for your patience!

the weekend...

good morning starshine

I wanna know... have you ever seen the rain?

the truth is... I miss you...

reflections...

howdy~

greetings from Seattle, yo!

hey y'all

hey ya'll...

limited access!!!!

thought this might be the fastest way to get y'all...

all my bags are packed...

solidarity vs. charity...

confession....

alrighty....

duped again!

update! sorry no pics yet...

another little update